A few thoughts for those married or thinking of it
 

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Ano"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."







=

Do you know why husbands die first?

Because they want to.

I always liked the exchange between Winston Churchill and some lady that went like:

Lady: "Sir, if you were my husband I'd poison your drink."

Churchill: "Lady, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

"married men live longer than single men"

" no, it only seems longer"

Treat you wife like a Queen and she will treat you like a king.
My favorite scripture: "When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" -1 Joe 1:1

Why do husbands die first?

They are tired of the nagging.

"being married isn't as bad as hanging by your thumbs---your wrists maybe, but not your thumbs."

MY now deceased best buddy, who shall remain anonymous here.

You mean anytime SHE wants and anytime you feel like putting in the requesite four hours of begging.

Marriage is a three-ring circus:

First, there's the engagement ring.
Then there's the wedding ring.
Then there's the suffer-ring.

To finish what IROC started:

Lady: Well you're a disgrace. You're drunk.

WC: Yes Lady, I am drunk, but you are ugly. In the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.

I have seldom seen a thread where the relationship between "true words spoken" and numbers of posts have come so close to 1. Amazing agreement. :D

I've heard that most humor is based in truth... now that is sad.:D

What can you feed a woman to make her quit having sex?
Wedding cake.


When she sais "I do"
It means you won't

I'm a 20 year veteran of marrage, and I have earned the right to pass these jokes on. (as long as Beth doesn't find out) :)

You poor bastards:D