Along the lines of Gradys issue.
 

I have a very close friend of 20+ years, he was in my wedding party.

He has basically f'd up every opportunity he's had. Father used to own a chain of mini supermarkets and kept the most profitable one for my friend. Net for the one store was 3M per year.

Friend let the old man down so many times that the store was sold to the 2 managers that had been running it, the old man even held the note.

I think the longest he's held a job is 6 months, usually he makes it 2weeks, maybe a month. Always someone else's fault, boss was an idiot, business was not doing well, etc...

So I need to get stuff done around the house, (Mastiff, 3 cats and 2 kids take their toll) need an interior repaint, getting new carpets and all the grout redone.

Get an estimate from the painter for 4k and we are only doing a part of the interior, not all of it. Said screw that, I can do it in a week myself. I usually do it every 2 years myself so I know how long it takes. Right now I just do not have the time and it needs doing.

I ask my friend if he wants to make a quick $1,000. he needs the cash so sure he'll do it.

1st day he was suppossed to be here earl in the morning. Around noon I call him and it sounds like he is stilll sleeping. Says he's leaving right away. He lives a good 2 1/2 hrs away so by the time he gets here he has time to tape off the ceiling and he's done for the day. Says he's going to his moms, she's 15 minutes away, to sleep.

I remind him that I leave for my office by 8:30 and the wife needs to leave at 9:15 to drop our son at preschool.

I decide to wait this morning and by 9;15 he's not here. Call him and it sounds like he is sleeping. He says he'll be right over. I think about it and call him back and tell him to forget it, he says he needs the cash and he's on his way so I say OK, get your ***** together cause you're creating issues for both of us and I'm not happy about it.

Come home tonight, he's got the ceiling done, that's it. Did not cover everything and now I have white paint spatter all over my leather couch. Couch has seen better days but I just spent $200 getting it cleaned last year. There is paint spatter on my coffe table and other places. I have paint on lighting fixtures that he did tape off, obviously not that well. I go upstairs and he did not even bother taping the light fixtures up there and I have paint all over the hi hat trim rings.

If you came into my house you'd never know that I've painted it 5 or 6 times in 10 years. I pull off every peice of molding, take down every door and remove the hinges and door knobs etc... I find it takes less time and effort to do that then to try and clean up overpaint later and it just looks professional. I'm selling this place one day and I want it to look well maintained.

So I guess I'm calling him tonight and telliing him I'll give him $250 and I'll finish it myself.

Thanks for letting me rant.

stomachmonkey,

Too bad about your "friend". I'll spare the comments about his immaturity or his (perhaps) having been raised with money and opportunity....while those things CAN make it more difficult to raise a child it by no means dooms someone.

You tried to be helpful to this man. He blew it. You gave him - by my count - at least three additional chances and he STILL couldn't handle the slightest responsibility. You did the right thing in terminating this. Not sure I would have given him that much money since you'll have to clean up his mess.

If he sours to you (meaning he can't see his own culpability in this) then he's never going to. I wouldn't worry in the slightest that you might lose his "friendship" over this. It doesn't really sound like anyone has his friendship...including himself!

Re: Along the lines of Gradys issue.
 

Sounds like my friend Bob who just showed up in the Chicago area...and my future brother-in-law.

Re: Re: Along the lines of Gradys issue.
 

:rolleyes: DOH!!!!

Stomach, I think your being more than fair, I would give him $60 after he cleaned up his mess.

I have a friend that I helped get into rehab earlier this year & he's doing well now. I contracted him to do some painting on my exterior entry way last summer before he got a job. He also showed up late the first day & I let him know I wasn't happy & was considering calling it off. He was pretty punctual after that. He started by doing great work & I paid him per job (3 total) but told him I expected the equivalent of $15 an hour worth of labor. The first 2 jobs were great, but I felt he didn't give me my moneys worth on the third section, so he won't be working for me anymore, but we're still good friends.

Painting a home IMHO isn't a skilled trade, it just takes common sense. It sounds like your friend tried to take advantage of your generosity & is used to having money given to him without hard work, kick him to the curb if he gives you any crap.

Stomach,

It sounds like he has ADHD. A lot of people have this that either don't realize it, or just ignore it. Typical symptoms are just what you described - can't keep a job or a relationship. It's always someone else's fault. They often times don't realize that what they are doing is inappropriate. They can be fun to be around, but a pain when it comes time to count on them. Don't be too hard on him - he won't understand, and blame you anyway. Just find an excuse not to have him finish the job. Keep him as a friend - but remember where to draw the line. I deal with this everyday - too much. It's difficult to keep your perspective and sense of humor.

One problem is his parents spoiled him. I remember sitting around one night with his father. My friend was complaining about his current job situation and how he was butting heads with his boss. I said to him "it's not your business, the guy had it before you came along and probably does not appreciate a 2 week old employee telling him that he's doing everything wrong. Why can't you just go in and work like he's paying you to?" His father says, "he was raised to be a boss, not a worker"

The other problem which I really believe is at root of this, when he took the silver spoon out of his mouth it went into his nose.

He was in rehab a long time ago and I'm pretty sure he's fallen off the wagon. We were roommates when he was using heavily, (which is why I moved out) I recognize the signs.

Scott

Friends don't need to remain friends forever.

Scott, Your advice to your friend was right on the mark and his father's was, frankly? stupid! Nevertheless, all things considered (and despite his substance problems) this is a grown man.

None of us is to blame for the way our parent's raised us. In most cases they were doing the best they could with the information they had at the time (that includes THEIR level of maturity, etc) But ALL of us are responsible for our actions. We are all responsible if we don't like the way we turned out and we dont do something about it. And if you have a hard time accepting that reality, better start looking at your own level of maturity.

I called him and told him not to bother. I would finish it.

He asked why and I told him straight up that he was making more work for me than if I did it myself.

Either his cell dropped the call or he hung up on me. Either way have not heard from him.

Gets worse, I happened to speak with my stepfather, (he's retired and bored), this morning and relayed the story.

He says he can be on the next plane up from FL and will do it for me.

Call the wife and tell her about stepdads offer. She says "no way!, I've seen how he paints".

So now I need to figure out a polite way to tell dad thx but no thx.

I'm gonna get stuck doing this myself, I just know it.

Scott

Oh great. Lets make excuses for him.
Maybe he should get $2000 because it's not his fault. He might have ADHD, it's all Bush's fault!

Maybe we should raise taxes some more so people like this wouldn't have to struggle with getting out of bed in the morning. You don't know how hard it is for some people to actually go to work, it isn't fair that we make them do it!

Naw, I say let the ba$tard starve to death. Maybe if he gets hungry enough he will find out what motivation is.

We have too many people like this in the world, and too many people who are just waiting to make excuses for them and support them so they don't have to do it themselves.
Go ahead, get fired for being a screw up. Go ahead, steal something. Go ahead, sign up for welfare. Go ahead, fake a workmans' comp claim. Go ahead, sue somebody for nothing and try to get $millions for it.

maybe if the old man wasn't rich and didn't give this SOB everything including a silver spoon he wouldn't have turned out the way he is, doesn't matter. As long as he has a place to sleep and someone to give him clothes food and money, he will remain the useless POS he is.

He doesn't need a hand up, he needs a swift kick in the arse about every 5 minutes for the rest of his life. Let me know when it's my turn.

ARRRGGGH! people suck.

I got the same problem, have a good friend I have known since high school... in fact I had dinner with him and his wife last night at the pizza place... I bought the beer (why is it every unemployed bum I know has a wife and I can't find a decent woman? But that's another thread).

Paid him to prune the tree in the front yard, he spent a day and a half taking six inches off it when I told him I wanted three feet... ended up paying him and then redoing it myself.

Paid him to paint the (small) front house, nothing fancy... I ended up paying for all the materials, doing all the masking, and half the painting myself... and he drug it out for two weeks... AND I paid him like $600. In retrospect I am thinking WTF I could have given a real painter $600, provided all the materials, had it done in two to four days, and spent my time cleaning the garage or watching TV and drinking beer!

Anyway live and learn, cheaper and easier to do it myself.

Don't get me wrong he's a great guy, funny and smart but he is overweight, doesn't shave or bathe regularly... his wife and I search the local papers for job interviews and I hope he has enough common sense to clean up a little on those interviews. Hate to think he is sponging off his wife (who has a job) but people do talk.

Sorry for adding my rant to your rant... misery loves company?

I don't have friends like that. come to think about it, i don't have any friends. I wonder why that is? ;)
J/K

I was a house painter for three years when I was younger.
I thought I'd never finish that house ba da bump.

thanks you've been a great audience. don't forget to tip your waitress.

So I'm in dive bar and a hooker walks up to me and says "I'll do anything you want for a hundred bucks"
I give her a hundred bucks and tell her to paint my house.

I'll be here all week....

One of the ironies here is the guys sister. She was a HS Spanish teacher.

Meets her future husband who is Spanish. Everyone tells her to look out, this guy is no good.

He wants to open a restaurant so they save their money and buy this little French place. Does not do well at all.

So they gut it and turn it into a Tex Mex joint. She quits her teaching job and helps run the place. They have a baby, he stays home during the day with the baby while she runs the place, around 5 or 6 he drives over with the baby, she goes home and watches the kid till the morning and hubby runs the business overnight.

That was 15 years ago. It's one of the most popular restaurant/watering holes in the area.

10 years ago they get into buying up property/fixing renting and flipping it.

They now have a house in a very exclusive area of Queens with an acre of property in a neighboorhood where 1/4 of an acre is a million dollar property.

2 years ago they sold some of their smaller rentals and bought a house out east on the water with 300 ft of private beach. It's their weekend place, cost them $2.5 million.

He has a collection of Harleys and cars and with evverything that he learned fixing and flipping houses he started a construction/remodeling business that's doing as well as the restaurant.

My friend to this day thinks his brother in law is no good.

I don't think he'll ever understand that the American Dream requires work.

Sounds like an exact example of "No good deed goes unpunished".

I may be stating the obvious, but one of the lessons here is never hire a friend to do your work. I do not. I am picky about what I want done (and I think stomachmonkey is too) - sometimes paying for expertise or just careful worksmanship is worth it in the end.

Isn't it seldom that anyone does a job as good as we would do it ourselves? And when they do, aren;t you pretty impressed? Me, I wouldn't mind paying a little extra to get a new suspension and detail like the early car on the tech page yesterday - that was some fine work - but I digress.

Oh... my turn!

I have a college friend who had a sordid past. But he had gotten sober and such, and that is part of why he was in college - starting anew.

One messy marriage and a terrible divorce later, and he was a junky again.

Finally managed to drag himself back out of the streets, with a lot of help from his father and sister. Thought I would "do my part" and offer him some part time work to suppliment his current earnings.

He never, ever shows up on time and I dock his pay accordingly. He is constantly an "ill pill" around the shop with constant and corrosive complaints about minorities - which I have also taken issue with him about.

In a recent discussion, he revealed to me that I was hiring him full time in January. I don't know where that conclusion came from, or how he would ever justify it... but I know that our 'friendship' is about to come to an end.

What's teh message? Hell, I don't know. Just seems like these "friend" problems are epidemic lately. Are Porsche people just good-hearted suckers?

/rant
/hijack

Well some (most?) of us are benevolent enough to own cars that cost more to maintain than they are actually worth.

:D :p :D :p :D