Sage council.

The greedy get it twice, the last at the end.

My mother died in 1990, my father remarried in 1996. Of the three children, I am the only one that remains close to my father...mainly because, much like you, I could care less about where the money goes. His wife can, and will, have it all, including those assets not assigned at my mothers death.

My father is a good man, a very good man...he just fell for the wrong woman, identical to the one you described. It is, much to my chagrin at times, his life to lead and pulse. I remain close because that is my desire. I have a feeling my sisters will regret their distance when there is none to gather.

Your call, your verse, yours to gauge the worth. It is what we do.

Yep...his life, his money. Take care of yourself, Todd. NEVER count on inheriting a dime. To do so is to invite grief.

(edit)
Move and not tell the kid? Oh...you have no idea how much I wanted to do that during our daughter's teen years...:rolleyes:

Reading nostatic's story, and that of other similar situations, makes me reasonably certain that there are more than one species of humanoids on the planet.

my thieving sister just waited till mom had ahlzheimers, and "helped"mom sign over the estate.

Crazy man. Sorry to hear things are so screwy and hope they improve between you and your dad.

The holidays tend to make me miss my family like crazy, but stories like these are exactly why I'm glad we're separated by 3,000 miles of North America. It keeps me (reasonably) sane without all the dysfunctional family baggage that everyone else in my family seems to get sucked into all the time. I got the hell away from all that first chance I got and never looked back.

That is, unfortunately, a story that's repeated all across the planet every day.

A close friend of my brother's mother was a spendthrift reprobate, so his grandmother had left a sizable estate to the two grandchildren. One summer day, the mother had the grandmother, stricken with senile dementia, "rewrite her will", then the following day went to court and had her declared mentally incapacitated and herself as guardian. Neatly freezing out the intended recipiants completely.

I never understood why people - when they become older and are just waiting for their time on this earth to be over - don't give the intended recipients the stuff they'd like them to have BEFORE they kick off. . . This avoids so much messiness.

Agreed 100%.

My great aunt just did that, what a great idea. She said it was to make sure people were genuinely sad when she dies, instead of waiting for it!

Not without its own set of problems though. So and so is pissed that you know who got the cottage, and "that twit" got so much when she had already gotten her old Lexus a few years ago... yadda yadda yadda. At least when you're dead, you don't have to hear it.

my brother asked my dad for his inheritance early. I couldn't do that...seems rude. I really don't expect any money when my dad is gone...at least I'm not depending on it. My parents helped me many times during my life and for that I am grateful. Likewise, I have helped my parents over the past decade or two, especially my dad when my mom died. I don't care about the money...money comes and goes. It is more a question of respect and honesty. But people do what they can do. And if one hasn't done serious self examination, then there are certain things they can never hear...

Nostatic, you don't strike me as being materialistic, in fact far from it. However, is it possible that your dad has misinterpreted past actions (or maybe grouped you and your brother together), and maybe he 'percieves' this situation a bit differently than you do? I wish you the best in dealing with this...

oh, he definitely has grouped us together. But it doesn't matter what I say...his constructed reality won't really allow for differentiation, and his wife reinforces the "us v. them" mentality. Much easier just compartmentalizing and living black and white. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff he brought up in our phone conversation to rationalize why he didn't tell me he was selling the house and moving...

That's sad... Might I suggest that you pop in the SD "Two Against Nature" DVD if you get the holiday blues...it's one of my favorites :)

Take my advice. Don't go where you're not wanted; don't play in a game you won't win. Cut contact with him. NO contact, not partial contact, not limited contact for the kid's sake. Any contact will lead inevitably to him being deliberately hurtful again.

Just leave him alone and make your life the best it can be with your circle of loved ones. You won't have any regrets.

Kind of hard to do that to the kid. I think you're doing the right thing by allowing him to have some interaction with your son, Todd. Just make your father do the traveling. That way your son can see how committed your father is to meeting with him.

Sounds like a nasty situation. Don't blame the holidays. This has been going on a long time, just more in focus now. Isn't SOCG having a dinner Xmas? There's something to do.

Liked the last verse the best, BTW.

I have fought against my father's fabrications all my life. He is a "victim" and finds a way to spin things to that end.

He has received numerous inheritances and given my sister and I zip, including when my mom died. When his mother died, my Dad made a big deal out of how we were getting the goods and he the shaft. Failing to mention the large lump sum he had received prior to her death that far eclipsed what my sister and I received. And while it speaks to his character, I am fine with how things transpired. I never had any illusions of inheritance so when I did, it was a special thing.

I had a clear-the-air talk once and ended by saying he needed to be the initiator of contact as I was done chasing him around to maintain the relationship (that he never fostered or spent any time acting interested in my sisters life or mine anyhow). He has spun this as I do not want him in my life which is absolutely not true.

But the nail in this relationship coffin was his excuse for not driving from Tacoma to Seattle to see his newborn granddaughter; he did not want to deal with traffic. Now four plus years later he has never seen her.

I wish him well

Here's a good strategy. I'll probably do this:

1. Set aside the largest portion of your estate (more on that later). For sake of arguement, let's say it's 75%, leaving 25% to "use" as part of this plan. . .

2. Call all beneficiaries in and tell them one at a time "my time is coming, I'd like you to have your inheretance now so I can at least take enjoyment and satisfaction in seeing you happy with those things now".

3. Give them a portion of the remaining piece (the 25%, in our example here). Let's say for example you have two kids and another relative, like a nephew or something. In this case I'd probably proffer 10% to each kid and 5% to the nephew, or whatever.

4. Monitor their behavior over the coming months. The ones that regularly say "thank you" or bother to call/visit you or otherwise help care for you in your old age get the "surprise" of the additional large chunk of the estate later on after you're gone. The ingrates get nothin'.

Lesson taught.

Never say Never...There are so many times I've had to bite my lip on thatt one...cause I couldn't guarntee that I wouldn't go back on it.

We all want to be free and easy with our family, but with some families everything U say is used against U and that winds up being very painfull, so it is best if U watch what U say and not let yourself be vunerable with them. In some cases your family is like your worst enemy and should be treated as such.

The hardest thing in the world is exposing the family lies/secrets to the family. U risk everything with your clan, however it is the only way that the chain of passing it on from generation to generation can be broken.

Daddys a drunk, Mother sleeps around so U don't even know who your Daddy is, Brother pimps out sister.. and the twins sleep together...hows that for a family.

naw, life's too short for that crap. Right now I have plenty of insurance payable to the ex to help raise my son if something happens to me. If I get remarried I'll sort that when it come, but I don't have much extended family and intend on making it simple. No games, no complicated splits. Carve out a bit for my son and spouse to make things easier and the rest to charity. Of course at the rate I'm going my estate will just about cover court costs...