Happy Holiday Directions

[teenerted1]

> Eating Tips for The Holidays
>
> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
> table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
> carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
> balls.
>
> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any
> other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
> calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
> "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for
> me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
>
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
> gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
> your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
>
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
> or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
> sports car with an automatic transmission.
>
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
> your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
> other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???
>
> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
> Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
> This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
> buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
> eggnog.
>
> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
> frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
> yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
> becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
> shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them!
> again.
>
>
> 8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each.
> Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
> Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
> Labor Day?
>
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
> some standards.
>
> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
> or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread
> tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
>
> Remember this motto to live by:
> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
> with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
> preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand,
> body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what
> a ride!"
>
> HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

[RM512]

I abide by those rules whole-heartedly, with one exception:
I no longer make my own Long Island Iced-tea