Sending your kids to college...performance expectations, etc.

[Dueller]

It seems that many parents send their kids off to college for the first time just to get a break from them. No real expectations seem to be imposed other than don't flunk out, get expelled or get arrested for a felony. Accordingly the kids seem to have a somewhat lackadaisical attitude....basically college is a place to hang out for 4-6 years to delay getting a job...sorta like high school with ashtrays and kegs and nobody to run herd on 'em.

My wife and I are trying to set some guidelines for our initial and continued financial support of my stepson's upcoming college experience. Along the lines of minimum GPA, full time course loads, a definite time frame for graduation and other such parameters....

Do you parents out there express definite expectations for kids and the consequences for failure to comply? What are they? Do you enforce them or backslide if they come close? What is reasonable to expect both initially and long term from an entering freshman?

[Mookster]

Maintain B average cumulative and make sure they are taking 15 hours. This average is respectable and will have them out of school in 4 years.

If they do not maintain a B average or 15 hours cut the funding, period.

Kids want to act grown up treat them as if they are adults.

College is an experience they will never forget but make sure they remember why they are there.

As a side note, do not allow your child to have a vehicle on campus the first year. This will keep them out of a lot of trouble. I lost a few roommates because of this freedom.

Your children will be tomorrow's leaders...let's make sure we have a few good ones to choose.

[legion]

I agree 100%. I knew far too many people who dropped out of college (not just in the first year) because they had no idea why they were there. My parents set the exact same restrictions on me (and still didn't pay what they promised). It helped keep me focused.

[Eric P]

Why a "B" average? That seems arbitrary. I know folks who had lower GPAs and make more and are just as happy as most of us.

My parents said, "We'll pay for 4 years or until you fail out, whichever comes first, period". I wanted to go to graduate school so I worked just hard enough to get in (and then paid myself for those 6 years of grad school, my parents fulfilled their 4 year only promise). Other guys I knew had the same deal and got As or Ds and lived with it and what it meant for their job choices.

Your kids are becoming adults with adult choices. They can choose to do it or not.
I think it is fine to put a grade expectation if you really want to but don't micro-manage their college life. Let them become adults and make (and live with) their own choices.

College IS fun and for hanging out and putting off work for a while. That is a great thing!

[pookie]

I didn't have a car my first year and I still got in trouble at college. My 73 bug was dead in the water or I probably would have taken it. But as a freshmen the only reason they need a car is to come home for visits. Besides someone else will have one and that person will always be willing to drive for a couple bucks in gas money. Most campuses have a bus system for students too.

As for the "B" average that is also a good thing. Maintaining a certain average can effect job openings in the future. If you look at job postings for government agencies, fresh out of college recruits can qualify for positions based on their overall and major GPA.

College was great except you had to go to class.

[Tim Hancock]

Dueller, I also have "step children", one of which starts college this coming year. As you probably know far too well, any rules concerning your step-children meant to be set in stone, are subject to tweaks by the wife (if you care to stay happily married ). You just have to hope the kids make relatively wise choices and do your best to handle problems before they get out of control. Thankfully my stepdaughters are pretty good kids with nearly straight A's in highschool in honors classes (I am keping my fingers crossed that the college years will be relatively painless ).

You know you are going to hear quite a few armchair quarterbacks telling you to make them pay their own way, demand straight A's, make them walk 10 miles thru a blizzard to school etc etc, but in reality, alot of variables are in play from family to family. Only you can figure out what is best for your family. ***** happens and sometimes you have to alter your game plan.

When my daughter decided to she wants to live in a dorm her first year, I told her that she would have to give up her car if she was not going to commute, but I am now leaning towards let her take it with her. Not having to drive 30 miles to run her around and the fact that she would otherwise probably be riding with other kids who I do not trust necessarily, will be worth the parking fee.

[coloradoporsche]

My parents said, "We'll pay for 4 years or until you fail out, whichever comes first, period". I wanted to go to graduate school so I worked just hard enough to get in (and then paid myself for those 6 years of grad school, my parents fulfilled their 4 year only promise). Other guys I knew had the same deal and got As or Ds and lived with it and what it meant for their job choices.

Exactly. It's time to be grown up now. My folks set aside enough money for 4 years of in-state tuition. If I screwed up, it was clear to me that I was on my own, and would have to live with the consequences.

The only thing you need to do is cap the money at 4 years, and make sure they understand they can't move back home if things don't work out.

[Lothar]

I expect that my kids will choose to go to college. If I'm footing the bill, I expect them to give their best effort.

However, I also expect that I will have to monitor the $h!t with which elitist, socialist professors attempt to fill my kid's heads. I take an increasingly dim view of higher education. I believe that many academics are out of touch with the real world and think too highly of their ability and influence on how people perform after graduation.

Many of my liberal arts professors were bad enough, over 20 years ago. I have to believe that a total lack of control on the part of College/University administration has only emboldened the socialist-minded types.

Too many professors these days have demonstrated that they view their position as a soap box from which they can imprint their socialist views on young minds. In many cases, lectures have little or nothing to do with the course material or what appears on exams.

If anyone is going to imprint their views on my kids, it will be me and not some left-over pot-smoking hippie without a clue.

[wludavid]

IMO, if the kid is not already internally motivated to do well, he's not ready for college. 16-, 17-, and 18-year-olds should not need to have their homework checked.

Your stepson is either going to do well or he's not. If he comes back from his first semester with bad grades and no remorse or plan to bring them up, then have a talk to ascertain whether he's ready for the commitment.

[legion]

Lothar, you are spot-on, but don't underestimate the intelligence of your kids. I saw right through all of the rhetoric. I saw the double-standards and double-speak used on college campuses (do a search, I started a thread a few years ago about how leftists on campus have co-opted and perverted certain terms). I went into college an anarchist and left a conservative/libertarian because of all of the BS I saw going on. As a white male, I learned pretty early on my voice doesn't count unless I am speaking as a self-appointed representative of some oppressed group.

[wludavid]

Originally posted by Lothar
If anyone is going to imprint their views on my kids, it will be me and not some left-over pot-smoking hippie without a clue.

I know it's a revolutionary idea, but maybe you could be willing for them hear different points of view and let them decide on their own?

Naaaah!

[legion]

I had one professor who graded on how well you adhered to his opinion. We seriously had exam questions like: "Which corporation is more evil: Union Carbide or Johns Mansville? Cite specific examples to support your argument."

[Mr_Wizard]

Originally posted by wludavid
I know it's a revolutionary idea, but maybe you could be willing for them hear different points of view and let them decide on their own?

Naaaah!

The problem with that is (it happened to me) college professors who preach from their soapbox and state their opinion as fact are the same people responsible for grading assignments.

One of my essays had a question asking my person opinion regard diversity quotas at universities. When the assignment was given, one of the questions was and opinion. We would be graded on how well we articulate this, not on the premise of the opinion. This would be 25% of the grade. The short of my response to this was diversity quotas should not be required. There should be no block on the college application for race. An applicant should be judged on his merit not the color of his/her skin. I received a 0% on this. When I spoke to the professor concerning this he stated that my opinion was wrong. One of his direct quotes to me was "Many minorities would be denied acceptance to institutions of higher education if this was the case". I was not graded on how well I articulated my point. I had to request an appointment with the dean. In the end this went to a review board and it was ruled the professor was wrong. I got full credit for my response.

Could I have taken a 0% on this and still passed the class? Yes. It was the principle of the matter. With some of my professors the statement "Those who can do, those who can't teach" applies.

[JeffO]

I had my kids pay for their own books each semester. They worked during the summer for book and spending money. When they paid 350 to 400 dollars for books they realized that school was a responsibility. They both finished on time. Do not micromanage either, let fight their own battles and fix their own problems.

[Mr_Wizard]

My parents could not afford to pay for my college, and I screwed off in HS because I was planning on entering the Marines. Well I am in school now and paying for it myself. It is amazing how well you will do when your employeer reimbursement will only pay for B's or above.!!!!

[VincentVega]

It took me a few years to figure things out in college, with such strict rules I would have been cut off pretty early. Not that that's a bad thing, but give the kid some slack.

I stopped playing football after 1 season, transfered after 3, then again after another. My dad went along as long as I had a decent 'plan'. We split the loans up for the most part, I'm glad he didnt waste his $$ while I figured out my life.

[IROC]

Originally posted by Mr_Wizard
The problem with that is (it happened to me) college professors who preach from their soapbox and state their opinion as fact are the same people responsible for grading assignments.

This is one of the good (?) things about engineering curriculums - there is no "opinion". I was never - in my 14 quarters (grin) of college taught something that was the professor's opinion only nor was I asked to give my opinion on a test.

Mike

[Rick Lee]

Since my folks really sacrificed to send me to a prep school, they were pretty relieved when I chose a college that cost less that high school, even with out of state tuition. They paid my tuition and then gave me a check at the beginning of each semester for exactly what on-campus room and board would cost and a meal plan and then told me to not call them for money at all. So book were on me. Of course, I pissed their check away in about two weeks on beer and guitar gear and then had to get a job or play in bars to get by. But prep school prepared me well for college and it was a breeze. I spent my junior year in Germany, went part time my last semester and still got out in 4 yrs.

My sister, OTOH, really screwed around with my folks' generosity and they eventually cut her off. I remember the Xmas day when they gave her a check for $10k with little strings taped to it (strings attached). The conditions were a certain GPA and that check would cover one more semester. She blew it and my dad cut her off. At the tender age of 32, she's just starting to figure her life out now.

[Rick Lee]

BTW, I have never ever once been asked about my college experience or GPA in a job interview. Once, about 6 mos. into a job, a boss came by with my resume and asked me where I lived in Pittsburgh during college. Turns out she knew a lot of my friends, though I don't recall having ever met her then. That's as thorough as any boss has ever been about my college career.

[Moneyguy1]

If you are footing the bills, you should be able to set the standards. Plain and simple:

"My money, my rules".