Stop smoking question.
 

A friend came to me recently with a question about how to get his 45 year old wife to stop smoking. She's been smoking since her early teens.
A little over two years ago she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. They have the symptoms under control with medication but he can't get her to stop smoking.
Over the years he has approached the question openly with her and she won't participate in the conversation. He was considering an intervention but is worried that she might see this as an ambush.
I contacted an addition therapist and his approach seems coercive and somewhat brutal.
Difficult situation and I don't know what to tell him.
Any ideas?
Thanks for your thoughtful responses.

My company makes nicotine cessation aids. We also research behavioral patterns dealing with addiction. We have found that very little can be accomplished until the addicted person wants to be cured. If they don't want to stop smoking they won't.

Very true - you have to want to stop.
A heart attack will stop her - even being unable to walk any distance without severe leg pain might - ask my brother about his 55 years of smoking and the arterial blockages he has.

I met a doctor on holiday years ago - he quoted the case of a woman in her early 30's who had a leg amputated - he told her he could save the other leg if she gave up smoking - she didn't and she lost her other leg.

There's more than any Pelican can give you here:-

http://www.quit4good.com/

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/tobacco/consquits.htm

http://www.smokefree.gov/guide/

http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand_smoke/workplace_guide.htm

http://www.bupa.co.uk/health_information/asp/healthy_living/lifestyle/smoking/

I recently quit chewing tobacco which some say is harder than smoking. I don't know about that but I do know that NOTHING anyone said made me stop. I love my wife very much but not even her begging me in tears was enough. I finally made up my own mind and did it for myself because I wanted to. Sounds selfish and I'm sure it was but that's the truth. Until your friend's wife decides for herself to quit she just won't do it.

Joe

I have wrestled with cigarette addiction for a while. I never smoked very much, but I sure enjoy it when I do. I go through a few packs of ultra lights a week, but never close to a pack a day. I think getting married is gonna be the day for me to quit smoking. Although I don't want to outlive my wife, as losing her would be too painful and would surely make me smoke again, I know that's a stupid excuse to keep smoking.

in a previous life, as a respiratory therapist, my lecture about the basic changes in lung structure and function, goblet cells, mucocilliary escalator, the moring cough, suctioning the patients till the family could all come and say goodbye, then letting them drown in their own secretions, the bed and chair wetting as the patient grows older since all available oxygen must be used for the work of breathing, (and Not for walking to the bathroom), accessory neck muscle useage since the lower lungs were all scar tissue, had some effect on smokers. i am constantly nagging patients about it, because they stink, cough, are susceptible to many more upper resp infections....

i used to smoke near 3 paks a day in college, then got a job as an aerobic weight lifting instructor. i couldnt shout out the numbers like i should, so i set a date and quit. i could smell the nicotine coming out of my body when i sweated.

its a habit, and an additction, but anyone who wants to quit, can. i did, and so have thoousands of others. i hope she can. sometimes it just "clicks" taht it must be done.

good luck!!

maybe we need a smokers clinic on this board like the weight loss thread?

How much worse is smoking three packs a day than one? Is it really 3x worse? This weekend, someone came over to watch me wrench on the 993. He had just inherited a 993 from his brother who recently died at the age of 55 from lung cancer and was a heavy smoker. Are light smokers as susceptible to these issues?

Check out second hand smoke - even not smoking is lethal.

Roy Castle was a UK entertainer who never smoked except other peoples smoke. He died of lung cancer from his audiences smoke.

n 1992, entertainer Roy Castle was diagnosed with lung cancer. A lifelong non-smoker, he adopted a positive attitude to his situation and courageously devoted much of the last year of his life to promoting the work of the charity, to which he gave his name. With the money raised from his moving Tour of Hope, the Roy Castle International Centre for Lung Cancer Research was built.

This is his memorial anti cancer site.

http://www.roycastle.org/

there is a test run on a routine Blood Gas Analysis, where a small amount of arterial blood is drawn from an artery, (should be Oxygenated, as opposed to venous blood which is deoxygenated) and the % saturation of the blood with oxygen is measured. also, the carboxyhemoglobinn is measured, which tells how much of your hemoglobin is not available to carry oxygen, because another substance binds to hemoglobin more tightly than oxygen, therefore some of the smokers hemoglobin cannot carry O2 in the blood, never has a chance. this can be low, like 4% or so, but i have seen it up around 12 % in heavy smokers.

remember jim jones and the cyanide....same binding to the cell principle.

also when you quit, you regain this because hemoglobin is recycled about every 90 days.

simplified explanation

She has to be ready to quit. I've said for years "I'm quitting...." and it works, for a day or less. Just a few days before thanksgiving last year, I decided it was time, and until this morning I've not had or wanted one. (see my Buba post)

some people just enjoy smoking...maybe they should make people view an image of a cancer victim for 5 minutes before letting them buy the cigarettes....oh, that is a different thread alltogether

100% correct. Until someone wants to stop they will not and it sure seems that the women get addicted more so than men in this area.

After my Mother died I found her diary. Entry for her 17th or 18th New Years resolution was to stop smoking or "I am afraid that it will kill me."

Well, it did but she made it until she was 70 years old. She smoked until it put her in the hospital then a rest home and even the last months of her life when she was in an oxygen tent she was trying to beg cigarettes. Its that addictive to those afflicted. She died an addict to cigarettes.

My ex-wife was the same way. She promised when we got engaged that she would quit by our wedding. After 11 years of marriage and her still smoking I gave up. There were other factors but her constant smoking was way up there on the list. She still smokes 17 years after our wedding but at least now she is with another guy.

One thing for sure, a chick who smokes has no future with me.

Joe

Thank you all for your insights.

The therapist said basically the same thing, she won't quit until she's ready but you can set terms that may make her uncomfortable about her decision to smoke..
Things like refusing to be near her when she smokes. Setting a date after which being married to a smoker is not an option. Not wanting to watch her die and the like.
Gathering the family for a heart to heart were among his suggestions.
I reiterate that he thought any threat of sanction would most likely be met with belligerence.

Totally agree with both of the above. Trying to push them to do anything they do not want to do will only make them dig their heels in.

The only thing that helped in my case was finally saying "your smoking is going to make you lose me" and with that she tried one time to stop but the time was not right.

Its a drug, a very powerful drug and available everywhere. Not easy to stop and they will not stop until THEY want to...

:rolleyes: seems you made your bed.
Did you consider that she might feel you are tryiong to harm her?

ever think maybe SHE WANTS to smoke? WHO are you to plan an intervention? If she is a competent person, you have no right to deny her the right of choice...
Who decides what is right or wrong in your life? Who decides if I need protection? Aren't we embroiled in a qagmire because our great leader "decided to protect" us by invading Iraq? At what point does the people like you stop pushing your wills on others to "protect" them ? you seem to be high and mighty on personal responsibility, let her be responsible for her own actions. :mad:

Man, I knew every thread was somehow tied to Iraq, but I really didn't see it coming in this one.

Are you F*cking insane or what?

I asked a serious question about how I might advise a friend who is struggling to find a way that he might save his beloved wife from a horrible death and you want to make it about Iraq.

You're an *ssbag.

They should pass a law that makes smoking illegal...then she will have to quit. I don't agree with smoking, I think it is immorral and kills too many people, therfore it SHOULD be outlawed.


sucks when your own words and intentions are turned agains you doesn't it>?SmileWavy learn a lesson by it.

You see where I am going right? How can you just "decide" what is good for someone else? who are you to "protect" anyone? didn't she make the choice to smoke?
If you say that abortion is immoral and should be illegal (and you did clearly) because of the deaths of people, should we just ban tobacco too? it is arguably responsible for way more deaths.
Why stop there, we should ban
cars...people die in crashes
salt, it gives you high blood pressure
flying, can't crash if you can't fly
guns, cause we all know that "the gun did it"
meat, kills animals
Applying your intentions have broader implications than you might think. how about banning something tyou enjoy? because I don't like it. get the point?
You are big on personal responsibility right? be responsible, raise your kids to be good people, and they will do the same.
You have the right to tell them (your kids) what to do, but not me...or any other adult.
People make lots of mistakes, sometimes mistakes are big, often life changing, but you have no right to make anyone do anything
That is how wars happen...