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How to inflame your nascar buddies

One of my buddies is a huge Johnny Benson fan and the other is a Gordon fan. So I mocked up this story from the nascar.com site, using all the graphics, etc.:

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Benson to Move to Hendrick Motorsports
By NASCAR.COM
May 4, 2007
09:52 AM EDT
Johnny Benson is making the move from Bill Davis Racing to Hendrick Motorsports effective this Monday after the Richmond race.
“I just gotta go with a winner, and Rick is giving me a chance to race with Jeff, the best in the business”, says Benson.
Benson’s career has been up and down but mostly down, lately. It’s expected that the move to HMS will further ignite a late career move for him as fans are starting to enjoy seeing the “old timers” have some success.
“Johnny is a class act. He’ll bring some much-needed experience and class to the team,” Rick Hendrick said late last night, when the news broke first.
Benson is currently in 7th place in the Craftsman Truck Series and is gaining momentum. It’s a happy change for Johnny and most in the sport agree that he deserves the success.
Jeff Gordon, Hendrick Motorsports biggest star driver, goes on to explain about Johnny, “I’ve always admired Johnny. His skills, his focus, and most of all, his bulge. God, what a package that man has.”
It was originally thought that Gordon was the chief influencer getting Johnny on the team but Rick Hendricks denies it, saying that, despite Jeff’s passion for other drivers, he in no way influenced his decision.
Benson is characteristically unmoved by the publicity. “I’m just gonna keep the ‘ol zipper up and make sure not to be in the team room when Jeff’s in there alone. Can’t tempt the little feller. After all, Jimmy’s supposedly pissed at him now.” Benson’s alluding to a tiff the teammates, Jimmy Johnson and Jeff Gordon, had last week in which some characterized it as a lover’s quarrel.

Find this article at:
http://www.nascar.com/2007/news/headlines/cup/05/03/cup.preview.richmond/index.html

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Check the box to include the list of links referenced in the article.

© 2007 NASCAR | Turner Sports Interactive, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

It took me a minute or so to get it...

yeah, you have to read the whole story.

Things I do to annoy my NASCAR friends...

Point out that Montoya is Columbian not Mexican.

Suggest Montoya is so fast because he has coke inside his tires.

Tell him I'm going to buy a Toyota T-shirt to wear over to his house when he is watching a race.

When I show up at his house and he is watching a race yell "turn left, turn left!".

SmileWavy

Quote:

Originally posted by widebody911
It took me a minute or so to get it...

I guess this one's over my head. Other than the "package" business, where's the joke? (That in itself wasn't worth the bandwidth.)

It's all about Jeff Gordon being gay. It starts at the "bulge" and "package" jokes.

Well, people been tellin' me for years that Micheal Waltrip is gay. Not buying it. Either way.

With that haircut? Waltrip is straight outta West Hollywood...

Quote:

Originally posted by nostatic
http://www.gaytona.com/

Love the part about Evan Darling. Now a real gay driver in the ranks of any pro starting grid would be a hoot. I hope the dude makes it. Probably get as much press as Danica.

But, alas, I don't think major sponsorship money is coming his way.

I loved the comments by Tony Stewart. Milk nearly came out of my nose as I read the paper that morning. I quickly showed my wife because Tony nearly stole my line:

"Nascar is the motorsports equivalent of professional wrestling" - Lothar, said many times over the past 10 years

The funny thing about the comment is that many Nascar fans would not find that offensive in any way, since they are also huge pro-wrestling fans.

Quote:

Originally posted by milt
Love the part about Evan Darling. Now a real gay driver in the ranks of any pro starting grid would be a hoot. I hope the dude makes it. Probably get as much press as Danica.

But, alas, I don't think major sponsorship money is coming his way.

Ok, so who could his potential sponsors be?

I love how these threads take on a life of their own and typically get a helluva lot better. Jack

PS I thought the Johnny Benson story was hilarious. I kill myself, but not well enough, according to my wife.

Quote:

Originally posted by holtjv
Ok, so who could his potential sponsors be?

Too easy.... not going to say it... nope... nuh uh. :D

Tim Richmond was a very competitive driver in his very short career.

Wins 13
Top Tens 78
Poles 14

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Richmond

Copied from the wikipedia that was linked

To this day, no one is completely sure exactly how Richmond contracted HIV.

Anyway, some one (maybe even here at pelican) put Tony up to that remark. It has been in their signature, maybe still is.

Quote:

Originally posted by mattdavis11
Copied from the wikipedia that was linked

To this day, no one is completely sure exactly how Richmond contracted HIV.

Anyway, some one (maybe even here at pelican) put Tony up to that remark. It has been in their signature, maybe still is.

That would be me. :D

A member of Pelican actually e-mailed me the link for that article because they know how I feel about what it has turned into.

Quote:

"It's about the integrity of the race and the integrity of the sport and when I feel like our own sanctioning body isn't taking care of that, it's hard to support them," he said. "It's hard to feel proud about being a driver in the NASCAR Nextel Cup Series when they're throwing debris cautions."

Hunter's response: "There are thousands of talented race drivers out there who would consider it an honor to compete in the NASCAR Nextel Cup Series."

NASCAR's official race report lists debris as the reason for four of six cautions in Saturday's 312-lap race.

"They don't mind us running around with crap on the track in practice, but as soon as there is one piece of rubber off a tire on the track, they're all more than willing to throw the caution to bunch everybody up and keep guys on the lead lap," Stewart said. "I thought ... what racing was about was being better than the rest of the guys."

Back when Bill France was running things...it's rumored he would toss his gold rolex out on the track, then say: "Call a yeller, I see debris out there."....

when I went to the first Texas 500, I laughed at the two guys behind me, giving each other a bunch of jazz about this driver and that.

one was driving a Chebbie, the other a Ford.

They finally took a second to ask why I was laughing at them.....

I replied, "When Dodge gets back, you guys won't have anything to argue about except that your Chebbies and Fords aren't fast enough to keep up with the Dodges!!"

now that Toyota is in Nextel Cup, the only way to get under their skin is to tell them Honda is considering getting into NASCAR.....

history repeats itself-----http://www.pelicanparts.com/support/smileys/pc2.gif

NASCAR= Non, Athletic, Sport, Created, Around, Rednecks