For you parents of teens...how far do you

[Dueller]

...go with monitoring their personal lives; i.e., access to Facebook/My Space, etc. Say, at 16 or 17? Likewise how far do you go with randomly checking that they are where they say tthey are.

I'm realistic that teens will lie for two major reasons: To protect their friends or to get to do what they want to. And they don't consider it lying really...just not telling the whole story unless you ask very specific quesztions.

I know a lot of it depends on the level of honesty and trust they establish...but as a preemptive measure what do you do.?

[Tobra]

Total access, they don't necessarily need to know you have it either.

[Moses]

Originally Posted by Tobra

Total access, they don't necessarily need to know you have it either.

What he said.

[on2wheels52]

He left for college yesterday, we seemed to manage without doing much private investigating. We're in a fairly small town, we've gotten lots of unsoliciated comments from people who've seen him around, what he was doing, how his driving was. He has not given us cause to snoop. His friends come here to hang out, as a bit of weirdness they're coming over tonight to airsoft without him (we have the best yard for that of his bunch).
Jim

[dewolf]

Originally Posted by Tobra

Total access, they don't necessarily need to know you have it either.

+1

[wilke3169]

I once found a note of my daughters and read it. She was 15 or 16 at the time. It seems there was a party planned at our house for a weekend we were going to leave her home alone. The note was from a girlfriend telling who all was invited. I simply changed my plans to foil hers. When it was all over I told her that I read the note. She thanked me and explained that the party wasn't her idea but those that knew she was going to be home alone. Was she involved in planning the party? Of course but just like us they let their mouths overload their ----- and welcome a way out.

She graduated from college in May and started her first real job, teaching elementary school, this week.

[Porsche_monkey]

I don't feel the need to be a part-time private investigator. My kids have earned a reasonable expectation of privacy, and they get it. A few misdeeds might remove that expectation, but so far it's not been necessary.

[legion]

Dueller, considering that your step-daughters are embarking on international modeling careers, I'd be particularly vigilante. They will attract all sorts of people who want to take advantage of them in all sorts of ways--and will use whatever avenues they think are most likely to succeed. (Like bypassing parents using the Internet.)

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by legion

Dueller, considering that your step-daughters are embarking on international modeling careers, I'd be particularly vigilante....

Yes indeedy! No reflection upon his beautiful daughters at all, but they are beginning to swim in "shark infested waters"

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Tobra

Total access, they don't necessarily need to know you have it either.

Interesting thread...I may have to review my expectations as my daughter (14) gets older.

[dewolf]

Originally Posted by PBH

I don't feel the need to be a part-time private investigator. My kids have earned a reasonable expectation of privacy, and they get it. A few misdeeds might remove that expectation, but so far it's not been necessary.

My kids are the same, but I still check the cookies from time to time. Don't want to become complacent.

[Rick Lee]

It was nearly impossible for me to get away with anything. My first car was a not-very-subtle red BMW 2002. No other one like it anywhere in the area. And since I went to a private school in the town where my folks grew up and grandparents still lived, 20 miles from my folks' house, they had plenty of informants in both places and I was never hidden anywhere in between the two towns. I was still able to sneak around with my gf now and then in her Ford Escort or with her brother and sisters and my sister covering for us. But life was simpler in those days before the Internet and cell phones. I never even called my parents from jail until I was about 30.

[Mo_Gearhead]

Disclaimer: We don't have children.

As an "outsider looking in" it has to be a fine line one walks in raising kids. Those that accomplish it well have my blessings. Basic values instilled by caring parents sets them on the correct course, but let's all remember our teen/rebel years. I am certain one should remain involved and vigilant, as they are your responsibility till they finally leave/move from your home.

Witness the 'unconscious' parents of the Columbine School shootings!

[VINMAN]

Originally Posted by legion

Dueller, considering that your step-daughters are embarking on international modeling careers, I'd be particularly vigilante. They will attract all sorts of people who want to take advantage of them in all sorts of ways--and will use whatever avenues they think are most likely to succeed. (Like bypassing parents using the Internet.)

I totally agree. Be a nosy b@stard.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

I never even called my parents from jail until I was about 30.

That's funny! ...I'd still be afraid to call my dad however and I'd opt to do the time

[Porsche_monkey]

Originally Posted by dewolf

My kids are the same, but I still check the cookies from time to time. Don't want to become complacent.

A good compromise. And very reasonable.

Now if I can just find my daughters laptop....and the password... and the power cord.

In hindsight I would set myself up as the administrator on my kids computers and make them users.

[bivenator]

My kid has earned some privacy. I don't feel that I must know the minute details of her existence. I have taught her right from wrong and given her the skills to make good decisions. I let her fail if necessary. Some folks who are helicopter parents are often harming the kids.
I am close enough to her that she often confides in me or my wife on many aspects of her life. I have checked the computer for suspect websites, not much to go nuts over. If she were on drugs I would be able to spot it because I am involved. It is a fine line between overparenting and giving free reign, much depends on the kid. YMMV

[Tim Hancock]

If it is for their safety (just like the govt's wiretapping to protect us from future terrorist attacks), then by all means keep tabs on them. I would rather error on the side of caution as opposed to something aweful happening.

[legion]

Originally Posted by bivenator

My kid has earned some privacy. I don't feel that I must know the minute details of her existence. I have taught her right from wrong and given her the skills to make good decisions. I let her fail if necessary. Some folks who are helicopter parents are often harming the kids.
I am close enough to her that she often confides in me or my wife on many aspects of her life. I have checked the computer for suspect websites, not much to go nuts over. If she were on drugs I would be able to spot it because I am involved. It is a fine line between overparenting and giving free reign, much depends on the kid. YMMV

That is the goal, and I'm glad you are there.

I think in Dueller's situation, he needs to create a safe place where his stepdaughters have that freedom, but needs to keep the whackos and weirdos out somehow. I don't have any answers, but I can see the issues.

[bivenator]

You are right legion, dueller does have a different set of circumstances. I would be concerned if mine were in the situation that his are and would probably tighten the controls.