Hey Swang ah, you know sometimes folks get off being watched maybe you could set up a cam and give us the link (considering your both adults and considering its okay with your gal) and I am sure we could give you some pointers and cheer you along as you go....:rolleyes:

I don't get it? why ask here just do it! Remember though you need to be on the trapeze and her on the trampoline.


Oh yeah and no foot tapping!

i think wayne is trying out his new i.p. address blocker.

either way, if every troll was like this, ot would be a pretty funny place

pop that koochie!

I have gotten a video over lunch time. Nothing to crazy for her to be upset I hope; she was the orignal one who started watching anyway!

We have 7pm sitting time at a fancy place which I am told is very popular with two people: http://www.vmertz.com/

Wish me luck and thanks for all the advices.

--s

Hope you guys like tomatoes.


And speaking of toes....

Nebraska?!

I thought all the pervs were on the Coasts? :confused:

Swang, don't waste all that money & time. Go back to the adult book store. Get a tube of "Good Head Gel" and a copy of Deep Throat This (an instructional video). Drag her ass back home & every time she chokes. slap the cratch. She'll follow you around like a puppy.

Then you'll need to memorize this phrase, "rollin a Fleetwood is how I mack. You'll be the dude.

Good Luck! would recommend the Hershey's syrup for dessert.........SmileWavy

Any updates on the evening? I am not sleeping well.

Tony Balony is that you?

Funny you should mention her. That must be Inga. She is special, but generally Swedish women like it rough. This silly slapping is for newbies or at the most for sexually frustrated housewives in their fifties, still living with the bloke that popped their cherry. :D

And where are the instructive photos ?? 101 Projects For Your Willy.. alignment, ignition, valve job, timing and rpm.

I'm getting concerned for Swang. I hope nothing happened to him. Maybe he slapped the cratch at an inopportune time & was dismembered. Or maybe was picked up by the police. Does anybody know if cratch smacking is against the law where he lives? I sure hope he's OK.

Electro Poon Slap
 

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Nah. She doesn't need to know.

Smack that cratch!

"Cratch Slappin'" by P-O-P, (c) 2007, with sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss. It's the beer's fault. . .



So I'm with my new girl and she makes this request,
One evening while I'm busy fondling her breast.
It was weird! Unexpected! It took me aback!
She says her cratch she wants me to smack!
I'm stunned at first and don't reply,
But thinking about it, I guess I should try.
After all this is something she's asked me to do,
So my plan, my good friends, I'll now share with you:



If it's something she wants and something she needs,
I'm smackin' that ***** until it bleeds.

Although this is new and a little bizarre,
I'm gonna' smack it so hard, it might leave a scar.

If I can't satisfy her, she'll call me a wimp,
So it's time to become a cratch-slappin' pimp.



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack 'til tender and puffy and red,
I'll smack it whenever she takes me to bed.

I'll smack that cratch all kinds of ways,
I'll smack it on even and odd-numbered days.



She's the one who wants me to try this technique!
I should oblige! It don't mean I'm a freak!
So I'll do what she asks and extend my hand,
Line up a good shot and then let it land,
With a "slap! slap! slap!" right on that place
That's usually covered with panties and lace.
And the "slap! slap! slap!" of skin on skin
I know will bring her a satisfied grin.



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it silly!
I'll smack it the way I'd smack Milli Vanilli.

I'll smack it hard, I'll smack it light,
I'll smack it as if we were having a fight.



And at the end of it all, when the slappin's all done.
I know she'll be happy and say "that was fun".
She'll say it was great, she'll say it was nice,
But her cratch will need some aloe and ice.
'cause I'll do what she wants - I ain't holding back!
That cratch is gettin' my smack! smack! smack!



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it around!
I'll smack it until I hear that "slap!" sound!

I'll smack that cratch like a good boyfriend should,
Whether using my forehand or backhand - or wood.

My wife and I have seen a porn or two as well. Survey says that slapping it is not that great. Done mainly for the viewers entertainment. Spitting on privates is nasty too according to wifey. Keep in mind that porn "scripts" are written by men for men and the womens get paid to do it. The surefire way to find out if'n your new lady likes it is to ask her.

Thanks for the advise again every body! The slappist thing was a great success for her - I did not really enjoy it alone but with the rest it was fine. We did not even get to watch the movie that I brought over!

The poem is very funny.

Jeff that is the best. Swang, glad you're OK. I was worried about you. We need details dude. Was she waking the neighbors? Eyes rolled back in her head like the Exorcist? Come on dude. Give us the scoop.

jeff,
my hat is off to you. just about the best thing i have seen on the board. i laughed 'til i cried.
my vote for post of the year.
bravo.

david

I heart cratch.

Bravo on the poem P-O-P, and bravo to swang on joining the exalted ranks of the Cratch Slappists.

Slap on. Slap off.

Ditto. My kids are in the room wondering why the water I'm drinking just shot out my nose :eek:.

I like shaved cratch.

I live to amuse.

Obviously, I need to start getting drunk and then posting to Pelican more.

Jeff....
OMG, that was great! The only thing that happens when I start drinking is flashbacks, and extensive conversations about nuclear physics.

Hats off to you!
-Nick

If only I could have read it without images of the Cat in the Hat wearing bling and flipping gangsta signs with ho's in thongs gyrating in the background flashign thru my mind......


Excellant prose nontheless. Get drunk more often.

Jeff love your rendition of the cat in the hat, but I'm the pimp daddy thats packing a bat! Her eyes will glow when I pull out MY member and turn her over and give her one to remember...If she tells me to slap then to the cratch I will go and slap it so hard she'll be begging me no... a red colored cratch I know will appear and without missing a beat I'll take a sip of my beer... Thinking of Swang and his need of advice wondering if he should be naughty or nice. I'd tell him like you to start spanking that stuff cause some girls are freaky and just like it rough..Who knows if he got it or if he ever will, but at least there's guys like us out there keeping it real... Wherever a woman with looks is in need the guys known as Pelicans will be willing and free. I know my rhyme is not as good as yours but at least it's a try so you could get a laugh out of something besides yours. If you ever meet a chick that asks for the same send her on over and give me her name.....:D

Pics or it didn't happen.

"Cratch".

Priceless.

6 pages and no Joe? (ya think?)

Nah, he's not shy.

6 pages and no Joe? (ya think?)

Nah, he's not shy.


(I think this thread broke the server.)

Its POP...he is posting odes to assuage his guilt for not smacking the cratch:cool:

I wonder if any women dare offer an opinion....I have never heard of this particular fetish, but hey, I have only been on the planet for 51 years....

I asked my wife...she looked at me like I was demented and went back to her duck fat, whips and chains....sigh.

Dennis

Wasn't me. Although I'll try this cratch slappin' thing whenever I get my next sexual interlude. What's the worst that can happen? She gets mad and I go without for a while - nothing new there!

As one of the gals, I would have to say I woud not like getting slapped this way or any other way... slapping is not good.

Hmm...that's strange. The last three women I dated, all from different backgrounds, and all with different levels of sexual experience, had ONE thing in common...they LOVED to get spanked! I even hurt my hand with one and that wasn't hard enough for her... :eek:

So. What about you? Is spanking considered slapping?

The spanking thing I have heard of....although it doesn't raise my spinnaker at all....I think this thread is devoted to slapping the other side of the....hmmm...matter?

I guess I really would need step by step pictures to really understand :eek::confused:....what part are you slapping?

General area?

Specific parts?

Dennis

Probably the upper, middle part of the cratch.

Best,

Kurt