The BIG "D" and What I've Been Up To. Yup, That "D"

[DonDavis]

My participation here has been rather slight this spring/summer. A few of the local Pelicans know but I thought I would put it out for the rest. My marriage of 14 years came to an end this summer. Been a long time coming and probably should have happened a long time ago.

I initiated the process and its unreal how much better I feel. We put our house on the market in early July and within a week had a fair offer with a fast close. My house was on a great lot alongside a natural desert area. Big pool, hardwood floors and on a corner. The buyer had no agent and was ready to roll. House listed for 438 and sold for 405. Not too bad in this market. We had been there since 2000.

As far as the marriage goes, the simple fact was I could not trust her. I am also aware that it takes 2 to tango and I am at fault too, but not to the degree she is.

Any-hoo, I'm in a new home and its great. We agreed to 50/50 custody of my 7 yr old son and we live fairly close together (but not too close). He's doing well and we have a ton of fun. Looking forward to this track season.

I have a much different outlook and I can breathe again. ahh!

So that's the quick and dirty.

[charleskieffner]

glad to hear everything sorted it self out donny.

been there done that and until you go through it, man its a long dark tunnel to hell!

give me a shout when you wanna go putt somewhere w/the p-cars.


dont forget to redo your will, if you havent done so.

chuck

[Joeaksa]

Don,

Really sorry to hear this and had no idea.

Know what you mean about trust and its there there or not and personally if I cannot trust my partner, then she would be out the door. Last thing any man needs is to be worrying in this area.

If there is anything we can do (after all, we already yanked your engine! ) pls let us know.

Joe

[charleskieffner]

donny.................fer giggles wanna go to ventura????

towing a car fer patrick mit der doolie von hell. the ultimate roadtrip mobile.

leaving friday back sunday night.

im working thru entire holiday cuz im taking off for barbados on the 19th and got a ton of crap to get done. then i come back and go on elk hunt with friend. then end of oct. we have our deer hunt in unit 27 hannagins meadow(other end of the world-5 hrs) and then i dont know what the hell im doing. all in all taking 10+ 10+10= 30 days off!

you or joe or any az pelican YELL! if ya wanna go.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by charleskieffner

donny.................fer giggles wanna go to ventura????

towing a car fer patrick mit der doolie von hell. the ultimate roadtrip mobile.

leaving friday back sunday night.

im working thru entire holiday cuz im taking off for barbados on the 19th and got a ton of crap to get done. then i come back and go on elk hunt with friend. then end of oct. we have our deer hunt in unit 27 hannagins meadow(other end of the world-5 hrs) and then i dont know what the hell im doing. all in all taking 10+ 10+10= 30 days off!

you or joe or any az pelican YELL! if ya wanna go.

Chuck,

Might take you up on that! Am heading to Tucson today, flying out tomorrow to Vegas then Hawaii. Wednesday to Guam then home on Thursday when the new crew comes onboard.

Where are you guys going with Patrick?

Joe

[charleskieffner]

going to the "GO-GO" show at ventura county fairgrounds. click on header at top of page. patricks showing his green 911 and towing 914 over to deliver for customer.

hes taking his enclosed and im taking my open trailer.

enclosed we can stash or haul big goodies back to az.

if someone really goes off deep end and buys a car we can haul 2 back. 2 fit in jims. mine 1 and ill be hauling green 911 back.

hey i got greenlight from g/friend what the hell. spend scads of money on fuel for a t-shirt!!! hahahaha. at the least lots of p-cars and parts and other asundry goofiness.

beats the hell outta work!

[Joeaksa]

Whats the "go go" show?

[charleskieffner]

going to the "GO-GO"............the rolling stones song! hahahahaha got cha!

im sure we can find one of those "bad-girl" bars for donny!

he needs that!

[LeeH]

One of the few occaisions where both, "I'm sorry to hear that." and "Congratulations!" seem to apply.

[nostatic]

been there, done that. Welcome to the club. It is great and it sucks. And you'll likely continue to get a bunch of different feelings along the way.

If you don't want to do Ventura, you could always do either the POC driver's clinic on the 8th or STS event on the 9th. I've found that divorce and track days goes together like sex and more sex.

[imcarthur]

Good. You are out. But you are still spinning & you will be for some time to come. Even if you don't think you are, it takes a year or 2 to really decompress after a lengthy marriage. So take your time & enjoy your son. But be careful that his time with you isn't just 'fun daddy' time.

And remember that all women are evil until you find one that truly isn't.

Ian

[Jim Bremner]

sorry to hear that

If your Ex packs up and moves out of state, do your son a big favor and move to the same city as well


mine left when my sons were only 5 and 18 months, I've raised them since...they have flown to Ohio 3 times a year to visit

my oldest is now 17 3/4, he decided to stay and do his senior high year in Ohio.

It's now split up our sons.

I could say more...but since my real name is on here...I'll pass

[azasadny]

Don,
I'm very sorry to hear. Take care and don't rush into ANYTHING. Take care of your son and yourself!

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by azasadny

Take care and don't rush into ANYTHING.

other than track time...

[DonDavis]

Thanks everyone! Make no mistake, I am sad this has happened. However, I am no longer sad for other reasons.

I kidd you not, it was immediate. The very night we were not sharing a "home", I slept better. And now I drink less. I bet Tabs would call me a "quitter" .

I really know we were not right for each other. I hope she will someday realize that. I'm NOT holding my breath, tho. This HAD to happen.

I also want add I do NOT dislike her at all. I disagree with a ton of stuff but who gives a rat's ass about that? She's my kid's mom. Always will be.

I can't wait for this track season! DAMN! IT'S GONNA BE A BLAST! Hangin' the usual suspects, BBQ at Jeff's. Bring it on, baby!

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Holy *****, I'd wondered why we hadn't seen you around on the board, but didn't think it might be this.

Sounds like things worked out for the best in the end. Good on ya!

[Jeff Alton]

Don, welcome to the club!

I couldn't trust my wife either, so see ya later! I am much more relaxed and sleeping/feeling better about things. I, like you, don't dislike her, but we were not for each other.

Things are friendly and that is important for our 5 year old son. I will never say anything bad about his mom infront of him, despite what went on.

We share custody 50/50, but due to our income difference, I pay a large sum of child support each month. Gotta do what ya gotta do for your children.

Glad things are working out for you.

Cheers

[Dan in Pasadena]

Originally Posted by Jeff Alton

...Things are friendly and that is important for our 5 year old son. I will never say anything bad about his mom infront of him, despite what went on.

Jeff, What you wrote here is absolutely key...and it is hard to do. When my ex and I split after 20 years it was only after having had problems for a long time. We had separated right before our 10th anniversary and at that time my kids were really young, 7 and 8. They were 17 and 18 by the time the deed was finally done. As we were going through it and I would be with my children I wouldn't talk about her but if the kids asked me questions (and I encouraged that) I would answer, trying very hard not to let my upset with her show.

Now, they are (almost) 25 and 26. My son recently told me he and his sister have talked and they used to hear all this cr@p from their mother about me. Emotionally accusative stuff; none of which was true. He said they always knew what was going on, knew I was getting a raw deal, especially financially because they could see I was struggling but she was breezing. But felt they couldn't say anything to their mother at the time. I guess recently, he told his mother, "Mom, its been years and you're remarried why don't you give it a rest? Dad never says a word against you except to ask us how you're doing sometimes". I am being told she hasn't mentioned me lately. The kids KNOW whats going on even if they're too young to articulate it. They are amazing little tuning forks, they pick up every vibration. I've never been closer to my kids.

[the]

why did so many of you have kids when you knew the marriage was in trouble? an honest question.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by the

why did so many of you have kids when you knew the marriage was in trouble? an honest question.

she "forgot" to take her pill during the honeymoon.

and at that point the marriage wasn't totally toast...it was pretty early on (obviously). When faced with the reality of terminating the pregnancy, I was willing to support her either way and it was her final decision, but my vote was to keep it.