Getting into a Fight as a Grown Man

[Dan in Pasadena]

The exchange i just had with rammstein on another thread got me thinking, "Exactly what WOULD it take for me to be driven to kill a person?" Barring me seeing or knowing something TRULY horrible happened to me or my loved ones, I can't REALLy imagine myself doing it. I could seriously "go off" physically in the wrong set of circumstances, but actually going through with killing? It would take more than I want to think about. This in turn got me thinking of a fight as an adult man.

I've been in no true "fights" since grade school But two "one punchers" in my life, the last one almost 30 years ago (I'm soon to be 53).

Two near misses in the last five years. A loudmouth drunk at a ball game (after five innings) I told to shut the "eff" up - (my fault I admit), but I finally decided to just leave, he followed me up the grandstands almost literally pressing against my back. Did a quick pull back at the top of the stairs which landed him on his drunk azz rolling down a couple of rows, and I left. Another when a significantly younger guy got up in the face of my girlfriend (acting tough in front of his own girlfriend) waiting for a taxi in Laughlin, NV last summer. His "attitude" changed A LOT as soon as I noticed and charged up to him, got in HIS face, and told him he WAS going to apologize to her for his language or it was on.

Though my personal poor behavior examples don't show it, my theory is you get smarter as you get older (and you realize the liklihood of getting your azz handed to you goes up) so you rarely if ever actually get in a fight. If you do, it friggin HURTS. Its not like the movies.

Your age, when, and the circumstances of the last "fight", however you define it?

[stealthn]

Pain heals,

Chicks dig scars,

Glory lasts forever!

[SlowToady]

Age: 20
When: Fall break last year
Circumstances: My buddies and I were drinking, and I was pretty tanked and not very happy, and my best friend and I exchanged some words. He pushed me, I pushed him back and it was on. It ended when he was on his knees and I stopped myself just short of smashing a wooden stool over his head. The *ONLY* reason I didn't do it is because I've known him since we were like, 7 years ago. Anyone else? No questions asked.

Before that, the last fight I was in occurred when I got jumped outside of the mall by two guys. As the one guy was 6'1 #230 or so, I didn't really want to do it, but being that I was cornered...

I agree with you, though, when you say that as you get older you tend to fight less. I think it has more to do with weighing the possible outcomes, however. For example, the last time I got into a fist fight over a girl, I was 18. Typical "oh he got with my girl so I'll beat his ass..." These days, there's almost no chance in hell of me fighting over a girl, unless it's like in the example you cited. Or like 3 weeks ago when some guy at a restaurant grabbed my (then) girl-friend's ass. We also exchanged words, and I offered to settle it in the streets, should he be so inclined.

Basically, it's like this: you fight over a girl, you'll either get beat up or arrested. Or both. And usually you'll loose the girl. So worst case is, you're beat up, arrested and have no girl. Best case is, you win, and don't get arrested, but she'll probably dump you because she thinks you're a psycho. Even if you win you loose...

Although, thinking about this again, I'm only 20 and you're nearly 53, so I think you might actually be on to something when you state that you realize the likely hood of getting your ass handed to you is much higher. That, and the possible financial and jail related outcomes....

[craigster59]

It's funny, I was thinking about this the other day when I posted in Jake's thread about speeders recalling a recent incident where there was a lot of "posturing" between another driver and myself. I'm 48, and haven't been in a real fight (punches, not just pushing and shoving) since my early 20's.

I've defineitly mellowed (and wised up) with age, although I still feel I could handle myself if altercations took a turn. There's also the chance of jail, fines, lawsuits, and all the other ramifications that happen when we become adults. If threats or disparaging remarks were made towards my Wife, friends or family I guess it would eventually be time to open up an overdue can of 'whupa$$".

The other factor is that in younger days (and I really didn't fight much), if you did get into it with someone, you usually became good friends afterwards (figure that one out). I don't think that would be the case as an adult.

[masraum]

I'm not a fighter. I don't like pain, so I've always figured whatever made a fight over as quickly as possible was best. I've always been scared that if I ever got into a fight I might really hurt someone, so I don't. I got hit in the nose once in high school and couldn't see crap through the tears. I guess I'm fortunate that I'm just under 6'2" and since high school have ranged from 185-210. I figure my size has kept guys from throwing the first punch and I've found that generally they are all talk. There have been lots of times that I've thought about stomping someone, but like I said, I've always been scared of doing serious damage.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

I rarely get into fights because I'm afraid I'll hurt the other person. My dad taught us how to fight like an animal...all or nothing. Go in and don't stop until it's done completely turning off your innate fear reflexes. If you just keep going, the other person just doesn't know what to do 99% of the time. the key to turning off your reflexes is planning on getting hit and not letting it phase you. most people back off and reflect on being hit: the surprise and pain. but if you already can feel it, expect it, this allows you to charge in for the kill. Timing is everything in a fight.

I've never been very big, I'm 5'10" now and 185 (but pretty trim oddly enough), but I'm fairly fast and can be vicious. In my adult life, I've taken down a 6'5" guy with ease (too big for his own good) having a high center of gravity. In high school, took out a big tubby kid twice my size, but he was just a typical bully, so it hardly counts. but it was the best example. he was following me down the hallway pushing me (like he always did), throwing things at me, but when he knocked my books out of my hands and everything, a lot of stuff was instantly everywhere, I lost it. After surveying all my stuff getting walked on, kicked around, etc. (hallways between classes were FULL), I whirled around and decked him through a swing at me. I can still feel it. and then just went after him. it was a lot of fun in the moment, but then I felt terrible afterward. he was really hurt, the only think that saved him was his fat.

what's funny of course is seeing me or meeting me. You'd laugh.

[Rick Lee]

Last fight for me was in 8th grade. More recently, I came dangerously close to hitting a guy who hit me from behind on his bicycle while I was on the sidewalk. He fell off and then actually got up and screamed at me for hitting him. WTF? I said, "How? Using the eyes in the back of my head?" He shoved me, I shoved him and he fell to the ground, got back on his bike and rode off. I was wearing a suit and he looked like a bum and was black. So taking it past that would not have looked good to bystanders who had not seen him hit me first.

Since I am almost always carrying a gun in VA, I take extra care to avoid trouble, since I can't touch the gun unless it's a life/death situation, but letting it be seen could escalate things and puts the legal onus on me.

[Jeff Alton]

It would take a lot to set me off enough in the general public to get into a fight. I don't mind taking a few shots to the head, but I really do not want to get shot or knifed if I start pounding on someone.....

However, on the ice rink playing hockey, it can sometimes just be a simple look from someone. Or one of my team mates recieving a cheap shot will do it too. But, I never "jump" anyone on the ice, well one guy I did, be he needed it.....

But, on the ice, both parties agree to go or there is no fight. My problem is I am 5'11" and playing weight was around a solid 175. Too many times I ended up getting into it with the biggest guy on the other team..... Grab jersey near elbows, tuck in chin, try to get him off balance, pretend to through a few to look good for your team, then reach under the pants and dump him down.....

With someone more my size it was it was "go time" no hanging on, just chuckin'........ and lots of chirping afterwards...

Cheers

[svandamme]

i've never been a fighter
whenever anybody tried to fight me, i usually get weak knees and shakes, and fight/flee was never a difficult choice, i'de flee, make a dash for it
i was small for my age, and really skinny
only grew at 17 and gained weight at 24

if they gave chase, and kept chasing, i mostly found a way to deck em quick and dirty, like make em run into my fist, foot or a 2x4 , not pretty, but got me out of trouble, wasn't about making the other hurt, rather then making the other stop chasing me
i'm talking hit punch in the plexus or throat, and then continue the dash
it's very effective, and i've never had anyone pick up the chase after one of those
then i'de be shaking for an hour after that and planning how to avoid any possible confrontation with whoever it was

but last year , i got into a very angry argument with my mother, after she did a no show when grandad was in the funeral home, and grandma got hit by the hammer over the reality of his death

i had been away and incommunicado with the family for 3-4 years, yet within 10 minutes after hearing he was on his death bed, i was going 200km+ for a 250 km drive over there

but she wouldn't show up when grandma was having the worst day of her life, her own mother who is the nicest person you can imagine(my mum is nothing like grandma)

her new hubby who i had never met, was butting in the argument, and after 3-4 times being told by me to back off and not interfere in the argument and excuses for her not showing up ( it was only half a mile from where she lives), i finally snapped, and in a flash i had my left hand on his throat, pushed him 5 feet back , against a wall and my right hand back and up ready to hit hard....

i just managed not to hit, told him one last time that he has no right to even address me
and walked off

scared the **** out of me, that i had been so aggressive

i had been badly stressed the week before at work, then grandpa's death, i hadn't slept much the days after, and snapped like i had never snapped before
this guy was bigger and stronger, but it didn't matter at that time,
don't want to imagine what i would have done if he would have even tried to move a muscle when i had him against the wall.
so, i guess when i'm stressed, and pushed, there's enough instinct to fight

i don't like that idea much, i hate the idea that lost it, and nearly lost it enough to do real damage

[cab83_750]

Be careful about fights. Given the right circumstances, someone could prove to you........:

"You may know KungFu, but I know GunFu!!!"

[the]

You'd have to be an idiot to get into a fist fight as an adult.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by the

You'd have to be an idiot to get into a fist fight as an adult.

do you carry a spare handkerchief?

are you French?

[stomachmonkey]

I have one of those on/off tempers. Inherited from my father.

It's weird because I have infinite patience, it's just certain things, words, actions, attitudes and it's on like someone flipped a switch.

Lot of times it me got me in way over my head. I'd think nothing of getting into it with guys twice my size. They'd usually back off or hesitate long enough for my friends to drag me out of there.

Stupidest snap ever, I went after a couple of bouncers in an NYC club cause one of em called my friend an a55h0le. Don't know why it pissed me off because my friend actually was a real a55h0le.

Anyway, what would cause me to kill.

Lay a finger on my kids and you are dead where you stand. Do anything to harm even one hair on their heads and it's over. Just thinking about it right this moment is getting me riled. I don't think that is one I could get control over.

[Dan in Pasadena]

the - I actually agree with you. There SHOULD be no excuse for it, still there are circumstances that you can't ALWAYS see ramping up and/or as in the case of the guy in my girlfriend's face (we have lived together for almost 8 years so she isn't a "girfriend" per se) and dropping F bombs and screaming, that kind of lack of common decency I was NOT going to let continue for an instant longer.

I made the right comments, without resorting to F bombs, but it could have gone another way and I would'nt have walked away with my tail between my legs. The guy was in the wrong and it was insulting and not tolerable. I am clear it would probably have been fast and I would probably have lost....but not without the other guy knowing he had been in something. I'm NOT advocating this behavior at all. I have avoided fights for almost 30 years but not coming close a couple of times. I am older but I'm not dead.

If anyone remembers the old movie line, "I won't be cheated, I won't be lied to and I won't be laid a hand on" somethingf like that...I tend to agree. If everyone had those limits, there would be less of this kind of treatment.

[on-ramp]

getting upset over what some stranger typed on the internet is really retarded. Don't take anything too personal and you'll be fine.
I take HEAT all the time around here.

[pwd72s]

Gawd, 3 decades or so ago...driving a backroad with wife and daughter, on our way to a family BBQ...a kid bending his Japanese pickemup through the twisties, going in the other direction...gave me the choice of having a head-on, his little truck doing a minumum of 70, or taking the ditch in our (too small... Cindy's "driver" choice) Plymouth Champ...Mitsubishi piece of krap car, a "Japanese rabbit".

Luckily, the ditch was a shallow one...we didn't roll, I was able to drive out of it.

Full of anger and adrenalin, I turned around, gave chase. Followed the little bastard to his home. He bailed out of the pickemup, tried to crawl under some bushes. I grabbed the back of his pants, drug him out, proceeded to knock him silly.

His big brother came out of the house, accusing me of needlessly beating up on his little brother, calling me a big bully. NOT calm at all, I hollered "the little bastard almost killed us! You want to take over for him? "

By then, I'd tossed the whimpering & bleeding little punk to the ground, had a grip around the throat of big brother. Big brother decided not to fight. Wise of him...I really wanted to lay a major hurt on somebody!

Both were a hell of a lot smaller than I. I had at least 4" and 30 pounds over "big brother". So, I guess I couldn't really call this event a fight...but I was indeed mad enough to kill, because this little ****, through bad driving, nearly killed us all.

I still shake thinking about how close it was...and yes, I do believe time spent autocrossing helped me avoid the roll & got us out of that ditch.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by on-ramp

I take HEAT all the time around here.

Deservedly so....

[Rick Lee]

I'll make the wild guess that On-Ramp has had his a$s kicked as an adult.

[speeder]

Mike Tyson once told me that I was a little too quick w/ the biotch-slap hand. I swear to God.

I've definitely used-up my *get out of jail free* card for socking MFers as an adult and not getting sued or arrested.

[legion]

The last fight I got into was freshmen year of college. I roomed with my best friend from high school. Turns out he had a bit Oedipus complex and a hair-trigger temper. (Too things I NEVER witnessed in high school.)

He came back from class, threw his soda at me and sucker punched me, chipping my tooth. The fight ended with both of us on the ground and me with me hands around his throat, squeezing hard. I could have killed him. He moved out shortly after that.

I nearly got into a fight shortly after college. I ran into a guy I used to work with in college outside a bar. I said: "Hey Simon, what's up?"

Simon: "Who the f*** are you?"
Me: "I used to work with you at Sbarro."
Simon: "Shut the f*** up. Don't even talk to me."

Then he cut in line at the hot dog stand we were waiting in line at. As he walked back past with his hot dog, I said: "Must be nice to s*** gold."

Simon: "I'll kick your ass!"
Me: "I'm not stopping you."
Simon: "Come on, tough guy."
Me: "Does your p**** hurt?"

Then, out of now where, some older guy (late fifties by the look of him) walks up to Simon, puts his hand in the center of his chest, and starts pushing him down the street backwards. He still kept taunting me. Mind you, I was 6'1" and 225 at the time. Simon was maybe 5'8" and 150 lbs. I was also there with about a half-dozen friends, who I usually have to talk out of picking fights.