Bad News, Earl Jones is dead...

[M.D. Holloway]

For the past three months, about every two weeks or so, the same women has called my office looking for Earl Jones. The first three times I told her that she had the wrong number but she was rather relentless. This past month I decide to tell her that Earl was working third shift and to try him after midnight but she kept up the vigil. I even made pretend I was Earl. Now mind you, I have a pretty convincing 'Earl Jones' voice over the phone. Come to find out she was calling about some free trade rag.

Well, she called today and I had to tell her the sad news of how Earl caught the business end of a rather upset jealous husband. Ya see Earl likes da ladies, specially the married kind that are in need of love. Earl's lifeless body was found floating in the Trinity river with his pants still around his ankles and a large bore hole in his forehead.

"Oh dear, well that is unfortunate for him. Sir would you be interested in a free subscription to..."

Is there no shame!

[Nostril Cheese]

James Earl Jones is dead? That sucks....

[widebody911]

Years ago, I lived with a chick. Long after she moved out, I'd get calls from her college trying to hit her up for donations, etc. I tried to tell them she didn't live there any more, but it didn't sink in. I finally got them to stop calling by telling them that she'd passed on. The lady sez "Oh, I'm sorry - what happened?" I told her "Well, let's just say you shouldn't use a plug-in vibrator in the bath tub..."

[equality72521]

Originally Posted by widebody911

"Well, let's just say you shouldn't use a plug-in vibrator in the bath tub..."

[livi]

I thought it was going to be a story like when President Calvin Coolidge died who during his therm was known for rarely doing anything and never saying nothing.

The writer Dorothy Parker was hanging out with Hemingway and the boys at the Algonquin on 44th in New York. In comes an all pale man, askes for silence and declare almost crying that the former President was dead.

It went all silent in the bar. Then you here Dorothy wispering: "How did they notice..?".

[stomachmonkey]

One day I get a call from a vendor that I knew we had never done business with asking to speak with one of my staff.

I said she was no longer with us and could I help him.

He responds that he had been speaking with her recently about a job she was sending him.

I asked "how recently"? He says, couple of weeks ago.

I said that's interesting since she died 2 years ago.

Silence.

[pwd72s]

RoninLB sent me an audio clip...a phone solicitor being put on by a guy posing as a cop at a murder scene. Lines like: "Okay, be sure to get plenty of pictures of the body"...then: "How do you know Mr. Jones?" "You a lover of his?" "Don't hang up, we've already traced your number. Hanging up will only get you in more trouble." "Tom, contact the Denver police, have 'em pick this guy up for questioning in a murder investigation."

It was hysterically funny....

[equality72521]

Originally Posted by pwd72s

RoninLB sent me an audio clip...a phone solicitor being put on by a guy posing as a cop at a murder scene. Lines like: "Okay, be sure to get plenty of pictures of the body"...then: "How do you know Mr. Jones?" "You a lover of his?" "Don't hang up, we've already traced your number. Hanging up will only get you in more trouble." "Tom, contact the Denver police, have 'em pick this guy up for questioning in a murder investigation."

It was hysterically funny....

That is Tom Mabe. http://www.tommabe.com/

[pwd72s]

Tom Mabe...thanks. A hero of sorts...

[Nostril Cheese]

too damn funny

[tabs]

Been there done that...

[alf]

I onced asked a solicitors what color underwear they have on and oddly did not get calls back...

[slodave]

Tom Mabe - Homicide.

That just about brought me to tears!

[wreckersteve]

Growing up we had the same # as a motorcycle shop in a neighboring state. We would get calls asking if we had this and that. Finally we started saying yes and giving prices. We beat all prices. Boy I bet people where mad when they went to get these super deals.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by slodave

Tom Mabe - Homicide.

That just about brought me to tears!

That's the one...

[DARISC]

Kinda related phone problem-

Years ago I started getting flooded with callers inquiring about show times at a local (San Diego at that time) porn movie theater.

I looked up the theater's phone number and it was the same as mine with the exception of an 8 in my number, which was a 3 in theirs.

I called the manager at the theater to see if they'd consider changing their number. The cretin said, nah, we've had this number for years (and I'd had mine for years as well) and hung up.

I checked the theater's ad in the paper and found that their number was printed so small that the 3 closed up enough to easily be misread as an 8, so I called the manager back and asked if he'd please make their number larger. He said nah and hung up on me again.

I was infuriated. Not five minutes passed and I got another call from a porn freak. "Sorry" I said, "we've had a bad projection room fire and the theater is closed indefinitely" and hung up.

I did this for all the calls I recieved (probably 15 or 20) until the next evening when I called the manager cretin back, told him what I was doing and hung up on him.

He had the number in their add enlarged the next day and the calls stopped.

[legion]

I'm kinda ashamed of this in retrospect...

I had a friend in high school who would call me and pretend to be a telemarketer all the time. I'd play along and say goofy things. One day, he called and said:

BS: "Hello Christopher, this is Sergeant Bill Smith, U.S. Marine Corps. Have you given any thoughts to what you want to do after high school?"

Me: "Actually, I have."

BS: "May I inquire as to what?"

Me: "I've been contemplating suicide."

BS: "I wouldn't recommend that....and I don't think you are Marine material. Good day." [click]

So I called my friend back:

Me: "That was a good one Josh."

Josh: "What are you talking about?"

Me: "The Marine Recruiter bit."

Josh: "What are you talking about?"

Me: "Did you not just call me?"

Josh: "No."

Just then, I realized what I had done. I was embarrassed, and ashamed that I had treated a Marine with such disrespect.

[Z-man]

Somewhat related to the Marine phone call:

I got a call from an army recruiter.

He said he wanted to see if I were interested in the ROTC or something like that. Said I should come down to the barracks for a workout with the army guys, and see what army life was about -- he felt that I was a perfect man for the army -- young, strong, willing to serve...etc.

Then I said, "By the way, I'm a diabetic."

His response, after a moment of awkward silence, "Oh. I see. Well, good luck with that... click."

I suppose the army wouldn't want a diabetic with a low blood sugar reaction with an automatic machine gun in his hands after all...

-Z-man.

[Danny_Ocean]

I once had an "800" number for my business. Almost immediately, I started receiving calls, mostly from senior citizens, inquiring as to parts for their appliances. They thought they were calling the J.C. Penney parts center in Atlanta, GA. At first I was polite and explained they must have dialed wrong. Then as the calls became relentless, I became nastier. Finally, I asked one old goat "What number are you dialing?" He replied "800-404-XXX-XXXX". My 800 # was 800-404-XXXX.

THE F'IN GEEZERS DIDN'T WANT TO PAY LONG-DISTANCE CHARGES WHEN CALLING TO ORDER THEIR PARTS, SO THEY ASSUMED BY DIALING "800" BEFORE THE NON-TOLL-FREE #, IT WOULD BECOME A FREE CALL!!!

This drove me so nuts...continuous calls, all hours of the day/night, weekends included, I had to eventually change the number.