Market Report from "Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie"

[djmcmath]

Stumbled across this market report, produced by the Canadian band Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. Enjoy.


Trading got off to a rocky start today as investors got up late, couldn’t get their cars started and were kind of grumpy all day. Things improved in the afternoon as the cute girl across the hallway made eye contact (I think she’s flirting!) Late in the day, the Canadian dollar jumped to US$0.63 following the discovery by foreign investors, that if you make a few simple alterations to the five-dollar bill using a pen, Sir Wilfred Laurier can look just like Spock.

In tha Asian markets, people were buying bakjoy and green tea while in the Canadian markets, there’s a special on toothpaste in aisle 7. Rain fell, the chips are down, 7-up and internationally, Indonesia remains very far away.

The TSE Composite Index was confusing, the Dow Jones Industrial Average means nothing to me and little birds go tweet tweet tweet. The bank rate was 5%, the prime rate stayed at 6.5, Prime Ribs’ on special, a prime number’s 11 and pi held firm at 22/7.

In the bond market, Pierce Brosnan is at an all-time high, Sean Connery is holding steady, Roger Moore took a dip and George Lasenby is nowhere to be found. Silver fell, uranium exploded and gold was taken away pending a drug test. I’m Paul Nader; I won’t be back tomorrow.