Room monkeys anyone?

[KFC911]

Wouldn't be the first time I've seen a parent (particularly mothers) who didn't have the "balls" to deal with an adult CHILD like most of "us" would (and at 23, that's maybe/probably a lost cause already). As a husband/SO in the middle of it, it's a virtual a no-win situation if the kid chooses to make it so. Good luck Ian!

[Dueller]

I'm fortunate with my wife/stepkids. She was raised in a family of 9 kids where it was clearly communicated from a young age that once you graduate from HS it was time to move out and begin your own life. She graduated at 17 and had her own apartment the following day. She is carrying on her family tradition with her kids.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

...They are driving us crazy....Ian

Do they know, and more importantly imo do they care if they are impacting your marriage? Ask them a direct question in front of your wife (better yet, let her ask) and judge their responses. I simply can't relate to the "entitlement generation"...

[cstreit]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

That aptly describes my situation. His mother (my wife) lives in fear that he will slam the door forever if we force the issue.

That's what moms are for. Dads are for "Time to man up son and find a place for your family." But then I'm sure you already feel that way. Besides, the only way he would consider that option is if he didn't like you guys, and he obviously dows enough to still live with you. Worst case it will take him some time to appreciate it, but after a few nights with their own place, they'll "see the benefits" too.

[Gogar]

He'll take advantage of you for as long as you let him.
And, if you kick him out before you get the psychology of it straightened out, you're just going to be paying his rent somewhere.

Oh yeah, and she's going to take him for a ride, too. A wild, wild, crazy, scary ride. And not the kind he's hoping for.

$.02.

[teenerted1]

is that what i was for a few years. after college i did have to move back home a couple of times. but it was never a permanant situation.

i didnt stay locked in my room like they seem to be. they didnt make me pay rent which i gladly would have if asked. i helped around the house, did the odd repair jobs around the house. not the usual laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning. but real labor jobs, helping build the new deck, new pannelling in the basement, install a new water heater, etc. saved them cost in labor what i could have been paying someone rent. dad and i really took advantage of the time together too, we went on fishing trips together, he finally had the time to teach me to fly fish. mom had some mobility issues too, so any help she needed i was always willing to help. they needed the extra hand around too, so they actully asked me to stick around. now that they are so far away i do really miss getting to see them as often as i did.

if they arent going to contribute in any way, send them on their way. freeloaders are what you have there.

i have a friend who is staying with his wifes family, but she has health issues that are beyond his insurance coverage so everyone is helping out togehter as a family. but otherwise he would feel as a married couple they have no right to stay there. he helps out his father in law all he can too.

[Scuba Steve]

I stayed at my parent's place for a few months after getting out of grad school. The economy was terrible and jobs were hard to come by. It didn't cost anything, but I did a lot of needed upkeep on their house - mostly replacing rotten siding and painting which they were grateful for.

[MatthewBrum]

I've just read this entire thread and it is all just way too familiar with what I have seen with my generation.

This is my story:
I'm 27 years old and moved out of the house after graduating from engineering school. That was in 2004 and three months after I graduated I moved to CT for my first job, shortly after I purchased a fix-it-up two family and have been living in the second floor apartment. A year later the single family house next door came for sale and I purchased it and had it rented two weeks after I closed on it (never had to personally pay for the mortgage). During this time I met the girl of my dreams we had a small wedding and have been happily married since August 05. We are currently looking for a modest single family house to move into and start a family. It has been 4 years since I graduated and I am on my way to purchasing out third house.

Most of my friends:
Grew up with more money than I ever had. First vehicle cost more than what I drive everyday. Went to expensive schools, graduated, found decent jobs BUT STILL LIVE AT HOME! They do not save any money and spend most of what they make on stupid crap. A lot of my friends have large credit card debt.

I just don't get why my generation refuses to grow up and do things that grown-ups do. Like pay a heating bill, do your own laundry, prepar your own meals...the list goes on.

I am so thankful that I married a women who was not spoiled as a child and realizes that working hard now will pay for itself 10-fold when we will need it to most.

I wish I had some advice for you but I think you do have to make things at home uncomfortable for them to move on.

[BReif61]

After I graduated undergrad, I lived at home for all of 2.5 weeks until I started my job. Living with my parents for 18 years was long enough, nothing against them. I just enjoy being 'free,' and wonder why anyone would really want to live with mom and dad that long.

Yea, I might not be able to buy a house for a few additional years now because of rent, but I don't regret it.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Man, some of you guys are ****ing harsh.

I'd just help him with a down-payment...and make it clear that was the end of the gravy train. "Stand or fall, you're on your own now son."

I know this is an unpopular view but...

As an upper middle class kid Mom and Dad kicked me down $20K as a down payment... best I could do was a fixer upper in the hood but it got the ball rolling.
I should add that that was back in the late seventies and I know $20K down won't get you $hit now but it would be a nice start on pretty good apartment. Also I was the youngest in the family and I think Mom and Dad were a little embarrassed that I had moved out and was living in a converted garage.

Anyway think about it, 20K (or whatever) might be a small price to pay to get your privacy back.

[NICKG]

i have a 49 yo brother in law who lives at home with my in laws....no one can top that...no one
he makes 50k a year and spends every penny every weekend...and he has no drug/alcohol problems...he is walmart/disney's best customer.

[imcarthur]

Yeah, a neighbor across the road was a 50s something guy & still lived at home with his 80s parents. He was a drunk & took a header down the stairs 4 months ago. He finally left home for good . . . but on a stretcher to the morgue.

Ian

[azasadny]

I moved out of my mother's house when I was 18 and never moved back (she kept moving and never sent me her new address). I know a few folks in their 30's and 40's who think they should move in with their parents whenever they want. Seems real strange to me...

[M.D. Holloway]

Dang! She's a cutey. I'll take her and if your boy can wash a car once a week and take out the trash I'll take him as well!

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Dang! She's a cutey. I'll take her and if your boy can wash a car once a week and take out the trash I'll take him as well!

ahh, Lube goes east and comes back a believer

[TerryBPP]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Dang! She's a cutey. I'll take her and if your boy can wash a car once a week and take out the trash I'll take him as well!

You're off your meds again lube. I love it!

[imcarthur]

That picture was part of their wedding set, which in China are taken weeks BEFORE the wedding so you can show them off. It was a 10 hour photo session with 2 hours of makeup, hair etc. It's big deal & cost a whopping $700. In NA it would have been $5K . . .



I deleted that pic as threatened. Here is one that is a bit more real. Note the very happy expression on her father. This was the night before the wedding. As I mentioned there were problems. He is a dick. He is used to snapping his fingers & people jump. His daughter & wife told him to f*ch himself later at 2 AM & his wife ran to the lawyer at 5 AM on Sunday (the day of the public wedding) to get the wedding certificate from the actual civil ceremony which happened a week earlier. He threatened to cancel the wedding & erase the docs & 'call out the army' if necessary. And he has the 'muscle' to do it. And we were in a strange city, in a strange country with no transportation & staying with the bride's uncle. No joke. He & I had a heart to heart talk - through a translator - at dinner the next night & cleared the air.

Ian

[the]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

Note the very happy expression on her father. This was the night before the wedding. As I mentioned there were problems. He is a dick. He is used to snapping his fingers & people jump. His daughter & wife told him to f*ch himself later at 2 AM & his wife ran to the lawyer at 5 AM on Sunday (the day of the public wedding) to get the wedding certificate from the actual civil ceremony which happened a week earlier. He threatened to cancel the wedding & erase the docs & 'call out the army' if necessary. And he has the 'muscle' to do it. And we were in a strange city, in a strange country with no transportation & staying with the bride's uncle. No joke.

Ian

Given what we know about your stepson, none of that is a surprise at all, from the dad of a Chinese daughter.

[imcarthur]

Ah no . . .

It was about the age issue. She lied to him about his age. She told him that he was 2 years older than he is. He found out that night & was pissed.

And before you come to any more scintillating conclusions, remember that we are all stupid at 23. At least if you're honest enough to admit it later . . .

Ian

[the]

Actually, not everyone was stupid at 23. 23 isn't 13.