Funny USMC Boot Camp Stories

[DavidI]

I was talking to one of my buddies at work today about funny boot camp stories. At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, here goes a couple....

We were in the infantry portion of boot camp in the field. It was raining cats and dogs, with bone chilling temperatures for winter of San Diego. We had hiked all day, dug fox holes, and were forced to stay awake for "fire watch." Our fox holes filled with water and the mud was knee deep. There was a set of twins who were Native Americans from a reservations. The Drill Instructors called them to their foxholes and ordered them to do raindances to make the rain stop. These twins were doing their thing and the rain volume increased. The Drill Instructors "bent" the pair accusing them of sabotaging the raindance, doing the one that calls the raingods instead of making it stop. I thought it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen, of course I could not laugh out loud for fear of punishment. I am a city guy and had never seen that stuff before.

On another occasion, there were two "house mouses" (recruits who clean the DI's dutyhut) and a "scribe" (recruits who fill out the duty logs) who somehow upset the Drill Instructor. Sergeant Rinehardt lined them up shoulder to shoulder and slapped each one across the face consecutively. It reminded me of the "Three Stooges!"

How about some funny commands? "Eyeballs," "Ears," "Bend," etc.

Let's hear some other stories. Before anyone starts getting offended, consider that it is Marine Corps Boot Camp.

David

[Halm]

I was a platoon commander at OCS in 1972. The Platoon Sargent was a very salty Gunny. Well, the story is too long to tell in this forum. Maybe over beers in the future???

[Danny_Ocean]

"Azzhole to belly-button!" (order we were given when lining up for chow or shots).

"Get on line!"...given when we were to line up on the painted lines on the squad-bay floor.

Best one was "mattresses on line...outside!!"...60 guys carrying their mattresses on their shoulder trying to fit through a single fire-door and down two flights of stairs (with the DI screaming/kicking the entire time).

On the very first day of boot camp (still in the processing barracks) we had a f-tard try to cut his wrist(s) with a Bic safety razor. Never saw him again.

First week in the barracks, we had a guy drink "Wisk" trying to commit suicide. Bye!

Funny at the time, but pretty sad when you think about it...another recruit would piss/crap himself whenever the DI got in his face. Good-ole boy from the South with a wife/kids to support... C-ya.

When we would sheet/shower/shave in the evening, DI would walk through the barracks looking for un-secured rifles/footlockers (should've been locked with a combo Masterlock). He would collect all the unlocked locks and lock them together in a big ball. When we got out of the showers, DI would yell "Everyone who is missing their lock, take one step forward". He would throw the ball of locks on the floor and remind them the last one back to his footlocker would be punished. Imagine 15 Jarheads trying their combination on each lock in the ball. Looked like 15 monkey's trying to screw a football. All the while the DI was dumping the contents from their footlockers over their heads.

Good times!

(If anyone wants to experience what real Marine Corps boot camp was like, watch the first 30 ~ 40 mins. of "Full Metal Jacket").

Semper Fi

Parris Island MCRD, 1stBn, Plt. 1007, 1980

[LeeH]

USN Great Lakes (aka Great Mistakes) 1983 - We had a guy AsMo'd into our recruit company. Goulart was his name... very strange dude. One Friday we were forming up outside in the biting cold after a class when there was a significant KaBOOM! that echoed down through the buildings. A cannon was fired as part of the graduation day ceremony. Our company commander was walking across the front of the formation, stopped and did a double take. "Damn it Goulart, you pissed yourself!" Sure enough. Seems Goulart had a full bladder and a combination of the cold and the crack of the cannon had caused him to pee himself in front of the entire company. Not long after he was released from the Navy for being unfit to serve.

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by LeeH

USN Great Lakes (aka Great Mistakes) 1983 - We had a guy AsMo'd into our recruit company. Goulart was his name... very strange dude. One Friday we were forming up outside in the biting cold after a class when there was a significant KaBOOM! that echoed down through the buildings. A cannon was fired as part of the graduation day ceromony. Our company commander was walking across the front of the formation, stopped and did a double take. "Damn it Goulart, you pissed yourself!" Sure enough. Seems Goulart had a full bladder and a combination of the cold and the crack of the cannon had caused him to pee himself in front of the entire company. Not long after he was released from the Navy for being unfit to serve.

Umm...title says "USMC Boot Camp" stories. Start your own thread, squid...

(Squids would always remind us we were a "department" of the Navy. Our reply was always: "Correct. We are the men's department").

[BeyGon]

Not so funny
We broke starch one day and were doing drill, pissed the Drill Sargent off somewhat and he had us all lay down on our backs in the soft dirt. Make angels in the dirt, like in snow, then grab handfuls of dirt and throw them straight up in the air as we are laying there on our backs. Sure taught us something.

Not so funny
In VietNam we had some Koreans stationed with us. I was walking with the Major one afternoon and came up to them in formation. Their Captain had one guy standing out in front at attention, he had a 2x4 a couple feet long. He pulled each man out of formation and handed him the 2x4 and told them to hit the guy. If they didn't hit the guy as hard as the Captain liked he took it and dropped them. The guy was getting beat.
The Major I was walking with said he wished the Marines could do that, we would have lot better discipline.
I never found out what the guy did to deserve it.
The Koreans were the toughest guys I ever saw.

[Rick Lee]

One of my real regrets in life was not becoming a Marine.

A dear friend, whom you would never ever believe was a Marine, made a believer out of me one day. He is the kind of guy who misses whole parts of his face while shaving, goes to a job interview with dress shirt buttons in the wrong holes, no collar stays, always looks like he just woke up, just an adult version of messy Marvin. One day he came with me to pick up a gun I was buying. While I was doing the paperwork, he asked to see an AR-15 behind the counter. Without even looking at his hands, talking with the sales guy the entire time, he had the rifle stripped down to a million pieces and back together again. That's when I finally believed he had been in the Marine Corps. I don't know what happened to him afterwards or how he made it through boot camp. But he made a believer out of me.

[Danny_Ocean]

We had to field strip the M16 by feel (not blind-folded, but without looking down). That was beat into our heads over 13 wks.

Could I do it today? Nope. But back then, you thought about it while you slept.

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

One of my real regrets in life was not becoming a Marine.

Umm...you are in your early 30's, no? Not too late!

[mikester]

When I was about 18 or so my Uncle came to me (the air force brat who seemed to hate authority) to talk my slightly younger cousin out of joining the Marines. My uncle was also in the air force (like my dad) but that is neither here or there.

So my cousin and I go out for a few rounds of pool and I tell him (I was the long haired kid who fought authority remember?) that there is very little in this world that he could do that would be more respectable or honorable than becoming a Marine and if your dad doesn't see that - he will when he sees you come home after basic. One of the strongest dreams I ever had was to become a Marine, I wanted to be a marine pilot more than anything so there was no way I was going to tell him not to do it. I envied him for the ability to do so. I could never express my respect for the marines as well as the other services fully so I will just say "Thank you" to those that have served.

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by Danny_Ocean

Umm...title says "USMC Boot Camp" stories. Start your own thread, squid...

(Squids would always remind us we were a "department" of the Navy. Our reply was always: "Correct. We are the men's department").

I knew that was coming!

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by LeeH

I knew that was coming!

Just bustin' you. I never had a problem with squids. As a matter of fact, we would go out of our way to eat at the Navy chow hall whenever we had a chance. Their chow was 1000% better (and they had tablecloths!).

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by Danny_Ocean

Umm...you are in your early 30's, no? Not too late!

I'm 37, the paycut would bankrupt me and wife would leave me.

[charleskieffner]

i wasnt "MORAL" enough to kill women and kids, burn villages, because i ditched a cop in tucson on my dirtbike! (age 18)no sheet true story. buddy and i were bored with life and after driving to the verde river with a pony keg in back of pickem up w/nozzle thru window decided to join on the "buddy system"'

next day we are joining the navy! were gonnna be "SEALS"! and the recruiters were ALL OVER US!

next we go thru all the AAFEES testing blah blah. we are supposed to ship out in a week. next thing..........."the long talk". son yer still on probation for 6 months fer ditching a cop on a murdercicle"!

next thing that happens is i'm "86'ed" from the navy and my buddy gets stationed on the u.s.s. haleakala. a munitions ship w/nukes doing the okin-knock knock to yoko-knock knock run. pissed someone off bad and spent the rest of his time writing me nasty letters and sitting in a chair over the side of the ship PAINTING IT BOW TO STERN............repeat!
meanwhile i met a girl fell in love and never looked back. recruiter came to my house umpteen times when my probation was up trying to get me to join up again!

later in life i joined the united states coast guard auxilliary and im just shy of my coxswain rating. so needless to say............more fun than i can stand!

[Mo_Gearhead]

I don't recall how many weeks 'in' we were at this point, but we had been practicing 'close order drill' (marching in formation for you civilians) for some time and this particular day some of them just couldn't remember shyt!

The D.I. was pissed!

So back in front of the huts he looks at his watch and says 'You girls have 90 seconds to bring me your toothbrush ...GO!" Entire platoon races into huts, unlock footlockers, find toothbrush, re-lock and return. Of course 80-90 percent make it, but ..."NO girls! EVERYONE must be back in time."

"Now You have 90 seconds to bring me your rifle...GO!"

Now you must understand that everytime we left the huts, all gear was secured, footlockers locked, beds made, rifles locked to beds, in other words ...neat, clean
and secured!

Rifles ...Didn't happen in time either. Nor did any of the rest ...as in:
Pair of skivvies (underwear).
Shoe polish.
Stencil kit.
Socks.
Etc.

At this point some (brainiacs) were trying to out-think the D.I. so they were NOT locking their footlockers (combination locks) anymore.

Finally, he asked for a bed sheet! We ran into the huts, ripped back the blankets pulled a sheet off and ran back to formation. (We were now down to 45 seconds or some unreal period ...and too late, of course).

So now we are an entire platoon, standing in the streets at attention, holding a sheet (like the kid in that cartoon, with his security blanket).

The D.I. walks calmly into each hut, one by one, and we hear noises. Things being thrown, dumped ...(gasp!) he has discovered the unlocked footlockers!

After a few minutes he exits the last one, walks calmly back to the formation of me and my fellow 'sheet holders' and says, "You have 30 minutes to get those barracks squared away for chow! GO!"

As we entered the huts they looked like a hurrricane had passed through them.
Every bed was now devoid of all sheets, every pillow stripped of its case, every 'unlocked' footlocker was now emptied and strewn all over the floor.

Ahhhhhh ...memories!

[IROC]

Originally Posted by Danny_Ocean

Parris Island MCRD, 1stBn, Plt. 1007, 1980

Two of my good friends from college went through Parris Island right around 1980 or so. Man, did they have some stories. One of them was extremely gung-ho, the other guy was a character that seemed to get through the ordeal by doing goofy stuff.

One time the goofy one's platoon was getting ready to go on some god-awful long-distance run in full gear. When they started out, all of the guys were jogging along at a speed appropriate for that distance and this friend of mine thought it would be funny to take off and sprint as fast as he could. He made it about a quarter of a mile or so and collapsed on the side of the road and waited for everyone to catch up with him. Evidently the DIs just laughed it off as he was always doing that kind of stuff.

[Seahawk]

I went to AOCS, the school that the movie 'Officer and a Gentleman' was loosely based on. We had USMC Drill instructors even though we were Navy.

One of my AOCS mates was, shall we say, a bit effiminant. Let's call him Signor. He was a really good guy who went on to earn his wings and fly P-3 Orions.

He was, however, because of his demeanor, often a target of our DI. One day, during close order drill the DI barks out:

"Hippity Hop Mob Stop"!!!

We stop. The Gunny then comes to the front of our three abreast, 10 deep group (since I'm tall I was in the first row) and at a normal voice asks, "Who is that marching like a girl back there?"

No one moves.

"Oh, it's you, Signor, carry on!!!"

[cairns]

I was in the Army; boot camp there was strikingly similar (stripping the M16 by feel, sheets and lockers etc.). We were in Ft. Knox; all the hills had names like "Misery", "Heartbreaker" etc. I understood that we were the last platoon to use live fire exercises (belly crawling under machine guns) because some a**hole had stood up during the previous cycle.

We even had a guy from the South who was amazed that the "nigg*rs didn't have tails" as he was taught. He took ****s in his locker (never knew why) and was gone pretty quick.

Our drill sergeant was incredibly prejudiced- did his absolute best to bust anyone who was black or brown. Literally beat the ***** out of my bunkmate- a black guy. Unfortunately he didn't make it.

I hated boot camp.

AIT was another story however.

[NICKG]

gee...sounds fun. glad i missed it

[Rot 911]

For everyone one of you that went to Boot Camp, and those that are just interested, get this book. It is a great read even if you have never been in the military.