I need to write a speech please help.
 

My old friend Dustin is getting hitched and he asked me to be his best man. What kind of speech is one supposed to write for this?

Some background,
They have been dating for 2 months, they are getting hitched IN A BAR, by a justice of the peace, and its next weekend. The woman is literally the dumbest human I have ever met. She actually said to me a few weeks ago "did you know there were 50 states" :mad:

I am having trouble digesting this and its making it hard to think of a speech. Any pointers guys?? Please??

just get really drunk and improvise. Like he's apparently doing with his marriage...

Four score and seven years ago..........

would be as appropriate as anything else in this situation :)

This is a great intro. Wrap it up with "I wish them many days or weeks of happiness."

Get drunk and complain about him getting everything, and all you got was guitar lessons. Then fall off the bar.

hey, I didn't invite you to my wedding...is that on youtube now?!?

Tag the fiancee before the wedding, share the experience during your speech at the rehearsal dinner.

He'll be glad you did.:cool:

Let the booze do the talking.

hidden camera in hotel room: $50
internet access to upload to youtube: $10
knowing you saved him a ton in alimony: priceless

I think Nostatic's observation would be a great intro:

"You know, when Dustin asked me to be his best man, I was honored. He and I go back (fill in blank). But I was also petrified, knowing I'd be expected to give the "Best Man" speech. At first, in keeping with the spirit of the ceremony, I thought I'd just get drunk and wing it. But then I thought somebody should take this seriously... so (pulling paper out of jacket pocket) ...."

The last line might be too much; but if it's videod, it will be a YouTube classic in no time.

JP

i have done it twice. the first time, i absolutely sucked. the second time, i made the groom's family cry in happiness. the bride got all teary eyed. if the maid of honor wasnt a recovering crack addict, co dependent, psycho...it would have been a home run.

all i did was write key words on a card...first was my name. you have to remember to introduce yourself..then single words to help you remember stories...it flows better.

"The best man's toast should never last longer than the couples relationship... CHEERS!" (Then sit down.)

[QUOTE=slakjaw;4121938]"did you know there were 50 states"QUOTE]

"Were", did we lose some?


I like what Moses suggested.

Start drinking when you get up in the morning. Things will work themselves out.

Moses gets my vote as well...plus, easy as hell to remember your speech. :D

god that was FUNNY!!!! LMFAO!

Yeah. You have your work cut out for you during the ceremony...that is if you're sober.

You go to weddings sober?

LOL! Yes, but once the salutations are over, it's Miller time. :D

I knew a bartender whose nephew was being married, and he said, "I hope the kid, doesn't do something stupid." And I said, "Mickey, like what?" Like get drunk the night before or during the day of the wedding and forget to show up."

It was an Irish wedding.

Keep it classy. Nothing worse than a cheesy speech. Be a good Best Man.

I spent a night re-writing one about 5 years ago.

Had not smoked weed in the preceding 20 years and will not again for another 15 or so...

The crowd loved it.:cool:

lolz thanks for the comments guys.

As much as I disagree I will keep it classy and genuinely wish them the best.

C'mon. You have to do something with the 50 states comment. It's too good to pass up.

something like? ... "unlike Obama, she knows there are actually 50 states. ...sssmmmart!"

She came up to me one day and said "did you know there are 50 states??... I thought there was only 48"

She must be hot in bed or something.