Pelican Parts Forums - Two Letters

Letter #1: From Sen. Barack Obama:

Dear (Former) President Putin:

I'm sorry to be writing this e-mail instead of meeting you in person, preferably in the Oval Office, where I belong. Soon, soon.

Nevertheless, and notwithstanding the foregoing, I felt it imperative that I express my deep concern about Russia's invasion of the tiny, democratically elected sovereign nation of Georgia. It would appear that you are not familiar with my platform for change and hope. War does not fit into this template and I am quite frankly at a loss for words to express my deep, deep distress. If you only had met me and asked my opinion before doing this I could have smoozed you into a more measured blah blah blah.

As the chosen leader of a new generation of Americans who speak a global language of peace, hope, harmony and change, a lot of us are hoping that you will change. Not all that much change - because I agree with your economic plans and tax programs. Quite frankly, it is just your military actions that are a problem. Your domestic programs are a model for the world to follow. If you will just back off, and wait until I am in office, we will have a lot in common. One little change I might suggest, instead of spending all that oil money on military programs, why not distribute it to all the ethnic minorities in and around Russia - see the logic there? Maybe we could even sing some songs and play a little one on one basketball. You will see I am a charming guy and will want to take my advice on a lot of things.

Please picture me looking very serious when I say that I respectfully request you to calm down. We're all on this planetary journey together and our karma is interrelated and interdependent. Thus, it would seem that our differences are best resolved through words, not bombs. If I am elected, you can be sure, we will be dismantling our military - which will pave the way for you to do the same. Trust is a beautiful thing.

If my Kenyan father and my Kansan mother and my multinational upbringing taught me anything, it is that we are all One. That said, I am The One the world has been waiting for -- and you are, quite frankly, blocking my chi.

As soon as possible, I'd like to sit down and begin talking about how we can resolve these and other differences that threaten peace-loving people, which I'm sure includes you. I haven't looked into your eyes, but anyone who can bamboozle George Bush is a friend of mine. I know that we share a common humanity and that we can all just get along.

Yours in Global Harmony, Acting President of the World, Barack Obama

Letter #2 From Sen. John McCain:

Hey, Putin.

Don't make me come over there.

McCain