Need help! Kids sports; confidence, motivation, etc.?

[Vipergrün]

Here's the scenario. My 8 year old son recently started tackle football after months of telling us he wanted to.

He 'can' be motivated and athletic and initially started out that way.

Now he goofs around, is not focused, misses assignments, and is generally clue less.

He says he wants to play, but his actions do not show it.

He has been demoted to 2nd string and I thought that would be a wake up call.

What is the best way to encourage a youngster without being one of "those" sideline dads?

It may be a confidence thing, I don't know. When I try to help he tells me that "I am not the coach"!!!

I don't know where to go from here. Do I take him out of the sport? Do I let him continue to not play due to performance? I am really trying not to go off on him, but his "WTF" moments are eating at me.

TIA!

[Heel n Toe]

Just hang back... there's not really anything you can do without becoming one of those sideline dads.

Let him finish out the season and if he has secretly discovered it's not his thing, he won't want to sign up for next year. If you yank him out now or punish him in any way for not giving it his best, he could resent it a lot.

Stay detached... if he doesn't "get it," there's nothing you can do to make that happen.

Has he participated in other sports and given more effort?

[Seahawk]

Newbury Park...lots of memories.

Anyway.

If my son, at eight, had ever reacted to my advice with, "you're not the coach" he may not have made nine.

That said, eight is an odd age for the discipline of football. I wouldn't let him quit but I would make sure he knows, away from his coaches and teammates, that he made a choice, you supported it and he needs to do his best because he owes it to himself and his teammates. At eight he should understand the concept.

I would then carve out some time together and play around with the football, make it fun: no teaching, no drills but plenty of end zones spikes, long bombs, the whole nine yards. Eight is awfully early for not having fun with a ball.

[VincentVega]

Try to give lots of opportunities to try as manual things as possible.

8 is pretty young for football, maybe he's a little scared.

[89911]

I've got 4 kids and what I have realized is you have to just take each child as they come. It comes down to the child's natural ability and their desire to achieve. Each can balance out the other. When you find someone that possess both, then you truly can have a budding star. I have a 9 year old daughter that is very good at playing soccer, so much that she is grouped with 12-13 year olds. I frequently get asked what I did and I can provide nothing other then I bought her cleats and a ball and encouraged her.

[the]

Maybe he just doesn't really like it.

I've coached LL Baseball, and never had a motivation problem with ANY kid, unless the kid just doesn't really want to be there. When that's the case, there is simply nothing you can do. It's best to just take them out and let them do something they really want to do.

In fact, the biggest issue I have with 8-9 years olds is TOO MUCH motivation. If they like the sport and want to play, my biggest problem is keying them down a little.

Now, as to why he doesn't want to play, you can try to figure that out. My guess is the sport just doesn't appeal to them. My kids have tried just about every sport competitively, some just didn't appeal (soccer, swimming, basketball). It *might* be a lack of confidence, or fear, but if that's the case, the problems would mostly show up only in game situations - he'd still be interested in practices, throwing the football around, etc.

[Burnin' oil]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

Now he goofs around, is not focused, misses assignments, and is generally clue less.

Hey, that's my seventeen year old son! Your son is 8. It ain't no big deal.

[Vipergrün]

Thank you all for the replies!!

My son does like the sport and we always find time to toss the ball around and make it fun.

I'll just hang back and let things ride. If he really blows it, his peers will probably take notice, which will be much more effective than anything I could say.

At this point I am more afraid he's gonna get decked cuz he's bird watching or trotting half-@ssed across the field.

Finally, I have probably made things sound way worse than they actually are. I'm the proud dad and I know what he is capable of doing. I also need to make sure I am not trying to make him satisfy my desires, but his own.

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

I also need to make sure I am not trying to make him satisfy my desires, but his own.

Exactly... that is the most important thing to keep in mind.




Plus, you wouldn't want to try to make him into the next Ben Roethlisberger if his true destiny is to become the next Bill Gates.

[JavaBrewer]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

When I try to help he tells me that "I am not the coach"!!!

I think every Dad goes through this at some point or another. Sometimes its even worse if the Dad actually IS a coach. I know several Dad coaches who defer to the other coaches to deal with their sons.

My son is nearing 12 and has been a multiple sport player since he was 7. His first year of Pop Warner was last year and it was an eye opener to say the least. His coach was an ex Marine who ran his practices like only a Marine would. Zack, already on the light/fit side, lost 7 pounds the first 2 weeks. One day of football practice was harder than a week of baseball or basketball practice. After months of begging to play he was sorta shell shocked. Combine that with a couple good licks he took in games and he started to question himself and his desire. We managed to see the season out and Zack really grew from the experience. He is now playing his second year of Pop Warner, the Pee Wee division, and is more motivated and happy than ever.

A couple thoughts.

1. 8 years is pretty young for football. Keep the expectations down. The number one goal here is for him to learn the game, learn the basics, make friends and have fun. Period.

2. Football is a demanding sport. Coaches make or break it. The ones that seem to be most respected by the boys are the ones who run the tightest ship and foster a team work ethic. If one kid screws off then the team pays equally.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

If he really blows it, his peers will probably take notice, which will be much more effective than anything I could say

I don't agree...but I'm perhaps from a different era. My parents didn't care if I won or lost, but they made sure doing my best was important to me. Ask yourself if peer approval is penultimate in academics or your sons future in any endeavor besides sports.

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

I'm the proud dad and I know what he is capable of doing. I also need to make sure I am not trying to make him satisfy my desires, but his own.

Perfect. I came to that crossroad early and didn't get t'boned...you'll do fine

[JavaBrewer]

My comments in blue

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

At this point I am more afraid he's gonna get decked cuz he's bird watching or trotting half-@ssed across the field.

CAREFUL!! This is a potentially dangerous situation in football. Alert the coaches so that they can correct this immediately.


I also need to make sure I am not trying to make him satisfy my desires, but his own.

As do most of us!

[Vipergrün]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

I don't agree...but I'm perhaps from a different era. My parents didn't care if I won or lost, but they made sure doing my best was important to me. Ask yourself if peer approval is penultimate in academics or your sons future in any endeavor besides sports.

Hmm, I see your point. I should have phrased it differently.

If my son misses a hand-off, what his peers say will probably have more of an impact than me yelling at him. A kid wants to be cool with his buds.

I do NOT want him to succumb to peer pressure or gain his self-worth from what his friends say/do, though.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

Hmm, I see your point. I should have phrased it differently.

Brad...you're doing good stuff. The fact that you are concerned about your son means all is well. I hope I didn't come off as a harpy.

Edit: H n T makes a good point I should have stressed: my parents never yelled at me about sports, ever, in public or private. I have not, and will not, with my children.

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

...what his peers say will probably have more of an impact than me yelling at him.

Make sure you never do that. It is one of the things that can turn a kid off to sports.

If you have to go sit in your car or leave the premises, never do that.



Have you ever seen a parent do that? At a practice or at a game??????

If you have, you already know you don't wanna be that guy.

[Tishabet]

Is there any way that you could get involved with the team?

Thinking back on my youth, I can tell you that I would not have stayed active in some of the extra curriculars had my dad not been involved. A classic example is scouting... my dad was involved in that he came on maybe 25% of the camping trips (which were monthly), attended meetings occasionally, and taught a merit badge class or two over the 7 years I was a scout.

He didn't push me to be a scout, but was engaged enough with scouting that he was part of my scouting experience. I became an Eagle Scout, but probably wouldn't have made it as far if it weren't for my dad being involved.