Who will try this????

[porsche4life]

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects
of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make
your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipwad,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE HECK!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?


SON-OF-A-GUN, THAT HURT LIKE H_ _ _!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I messed myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

[Pazuzu]

I know this is meant to be a funny story thread, but i must add something.

If you give your wife/girlfriend/daughter/neighbor a basic pocket tazer, please teach them this.

It is 100% USELESS under most circumstances. You *might* get a desired response if you can hit the bad guy in the neck or the scrotum, but you might not. anywhere else, it's just going to piss him off.

Trust me, those things should be sold as toys, not defensive measures.

Back to your regularly scheduled funny thread.

[BRPORSCHE]

Don't taze me bro!

[slodave]

No thanks! Being tazed twice in college was enough for me.

[porsche4life]

^^^May I ask why?

[Pazuzu]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

^^^May I ask why?

Were you NOT tazed on college? Dude, yer one of them there boring nerds, ain't ya?

[slodave]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

^^^May I ask why?

It was actually a stun gun, but it still hurts! 75,000+ volts

In a college dorm room - drinking, what else, when the nutty roommate came in and nailed me in the lower back - I had my back to the door. It didn't do much, so I volunteered to have him hit me again. He wanted to do it over my heart, but I said no way! I told him I would tell him when to stop - whoops! He hit me in the chest, right side and I could not move or talk - couldn't tell him to stop

Right, as I said before, I never want to do that again!

Been nailed by a 100,000 volt capacitor discharge as well.

[HardDrive]

Note to self: do not party with slodave.

[slodave]

Hey! I'm the life of the party or is it death?

[porsche4life]

I'm still in high school. so i will report back once i have received my tazing

[trekkor]

Just be glad it didn't go off in your pocket and arc off your...ahem...tender bits.


KT

[porsche4life]

Dont have to worry about offspring that way. Hey i know a few guys that need to put one of them in their pockets

[M.D. Holloway]

That story had me LMFAO! Thanks!

Goes to show, its all about the amps...

[lendaddy]

My buddy is a swat officer and had to be tazed. He REALLY didn't like it. He was at my place last weekend and made me turn the bug zapper off because he couldn't relax hearing *that* sound. bzzzt bzzzt

[masraum]

A guy in my dorm in college had a stun gun. It hurt if you applied it for a long time, but it was mostly a local pain due to the burning. It would make biceps and other muscles contract, but you could zap yourself without the results of the story above.

[rammstein]

Umm.. this is weird. I could have sworn I read this exact same post here a few months back, except instead of a cat it was a dog. Maybe this is some kind of chain email joke set up by the tazer companies to help sell units?

Fun with a Tazer

I declare shenanigans!!!

[notfarnow]

I got a quick shot of household 220V once. I pee'd, just a little.

That was enough for me, thanks.

[vash]

i stun gunned myself, and it was like a knuckle ball to my thigh. on the grand scale, it was very harmless. i figured it wouldnt stop a piss off attacker.

remember that hype that said a stun gun could neutralize rattlesnake venom and bug bites?

dont think i could tazer myself. my bro is a cop, they had to do each other. ouch.

[porsche4life]

Yes that is chain mail but funny none the less

[azasadny]

My brother is a cop/detective and he told me you DO NOT WANT to get hit by one of these. He saw shot and tazed and said the tazer hurt more than the gunshot!