OK...get ready to hammer me. My latest "How do I deal with mom and my step kids?" wh

Dueller · 12-30-2008, 07:12 AM

Wife and I went out of town over the weekend and left the step kids (twin 17 y.o. dtrs, 19 yo son) at home alone. We don't have a problem with them entertaining friends but the rules are no drinking parties and no spend the night company.

We had hosted a Christmas night party and there was a lot of beer left over in the garage fridge. Sooooo....when we get home the house is immaculate...no damage whatsoever.

BUT...I go into the garage and find that 3-4 cases of beer had been consumed. And there was an obvious lame attempt to rearrange the remaining beer in the garage fridge so I wouldn't notice.

Turns out they had several friends (8-10) over for a poker/beer party. I'm pissed. Mom feels it was disrespectful but no biggie since she'd rather have them here than running around town drinking. She's gonna make them replace trhe beer but beyond that she wants to let it go.

They know I would not have allowed it (drinking, not the poker party) if I was here.

I'm pissed at both mom and the kids. Should I just chill? I know I've alraedy lost the battle since I got angry with all of them (mom included).

peppy · 12-30-2008, 07:15 AM

I have no advice, just a questions.

Why do you have that much beer?

Are you in college?

masraum · 12-30-2008, 07:16 AM

At this point, you've expressed your anger, they know how you feel. I'd want to do something else, but there's probably not much that you could do that would make a difference. You could possibly go through a long talk about drinking and driving since I'm sure some of the folks that attended probably drove home when they shouldn't have. Other than that, anything else will just alienate them or make them work harder to hide things from you.

At this age, they'll think and do what they want. You have to trust that the guidance that you've given them reigns and their mistakes aren't too costly.

Jim Richards · 12-30-2008, 07:17 AM

You left them home alone with the temptation of beer in the fridge. This one's on you, Dueller. Be thankful the house is intact and no one was hurt. Do have a talk with them about friends drinking and driving. Beyond that, just let them know you're not happy with their behavior, as they didn't show they are trustworthy. They will at least think twice before doing this again.

Looks like Steve beat me to these points!

Dueller · 12-30-2008, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peppy

I have no advice, just a questions.

Why do you have that much beer?

Are you in college?

LOL....we had hosted a christmas night party with 75-80 guests. It was left over. I'm not a big beer drinker or otherwise. We frequently have friends stop by usually keep a few different six packs in the fridge. Usually no more than 2 or three. This was an aberration.

Dueller · 12-30-2008, 07:21 AM

Well, as far as the drinking and driving my step son who does not drink drove everyone home who had been drinking. So I guess I'm thankful they were at least that responsible.

legion · 12-30-2008, 07:21 AM

Seems like this is a reoccuring theme in your household. Kids do something that should get them in trouble, Mom jumps to their aid and tries to downplay the damage.

What if the cops had been called to the house while you were gone? You could have found the kids and yourself in a world of legal trouble. This is not "nothing" IMO.

If I had done something like this, I would have been thrown out of the house and expelled from the family. I'd be on my own, even at 17.

Jim Richards · 12-30-2008, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Well, as far as the drinking and driving my step son who does not drink drove everyone home who had been drinking. So I guess I'm thankful they were at least that responsible.

Excellent!

stomachmonkey · 12-30-2008, 07:26 AM

As stated, at this age they will do what they want to do. Simple. Mom does have the correct angle, better they do what they are going to do at home. Cause like it or not they will do it.

My problem with it would be the exposure. You're an attorney, I don't need to tell you what the liabilities would be if one of their friends was involved in an accident leaving your place.

I suspect your biggest issue is the implied lack of respect for you and your wife that these actions showed.

I'd try not taking it personally. They did not do it to intentionally piss you off. They did it because they had the opportunity to.

At this age kids are starting to pretend that they are adults. They want to age up. It's a social thing. Does not excuse it or make it right but it is what it is.

72 four door · 12-30-2008, 07:27 AM

No damage in the house whatsoever man that is priceless!!! I'd say there was a little respect there. leaving 3 cases of beer in the fridge and not expecting it gone,is like driving a carrerra gt on the street and obbeying the traffic laws. ain't gonna happen. i say let it go.

stomachmonkey · 12-30-2008, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Well, as far as the drinking and driving my step son who does not drink drove everyone home who had been drinking. So I guess I'm thankful they were at least that responsible.

That showed a tremendous amount of maturity.

I would cut them some slack.

Dueller · 12-30-2008, 07:29 AM

They have been told of the legal exposure on more than one occasion as a result of one of their friends parents getting busted for contribuition to the delinquency of a mionor (32 counts...it was a big party). Of course in their eyes it was "just a few friends" and not a raucous party.

Sheesh.

lendaddy · 12-30-2008, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

As stated, at this age they will do what they want to do. Simple. Mom does have the correct angle, better they do what they are going to do at home. Cause like it or not they will do it.

I never drank in high school, I was very afraid of the consequences and had a strong internal sense that I shouldn't via my father....so no, they don't always do it anyway.

I still went to parties and what not but my upbringing did keep me away from drugs and alcohol.

That being said, this horse is out of the barn.

TerryH · TerryH's Garage

Remind the kids that if one of their friends dies or is seriously hurt on the way home because of booze you supplied, you could be sued. Just because your son was responsible enough to drive them home, doesn't mean they can't get into a car and drive as soon as your son leaves. Tell them if they choose to drink, they purchase their own on their own. Of course they are all underage and breaking the law, so that should be the first point.

BTW.. good luck!!

masraum · 12-30-2008, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lendaddy

I never drank in high school, I was very afraid of the consequences and had a strong internal sense that I shouldn't via my father....so no, they don't always do it anyway.

I still went to parties and what not but my upbringing did keep me away from drugs and alcohol.

That being said, this horse is out of the barn.

Yeah, but you and I were the rare exceptions. I think I drank less than 5 times before I was 19 or 20. I then went through several years where I drank plenty (still probably less than the 20-25yo norm). Now I drink rarely. Again, I'm the odd-man-out.

lendaddy · 12-30-2008, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by masraum

Yeah, but you and I were the rare exceptions. I think I drank less than 5 times before I was 19 or 20. I then went through several years where I drank plenty (still probably less than the 20-25yo norm). Now I drink rarely. Again, I'm the odd-man-out.

I agree, I was somewhat rare in my group (the popular,jock, party group) but not that rare in the broader scale. I'm not saying it's a guarantee, but it's not impossible either.

Rot 911 · 12-30-2008, 07:51 AM

I agree with the others. The temptation to party was just too strong. At least they did show some respect by cleaning up the house. The fact that nothing was broken demonstrates that they at least kept the party under control.

legion · 12-30-2008, 07:52 AM

Every time a teenager dies at or as the result of some underage drinking party, the article in the newspaper always seems to contain phrases like "police had responded to parties at the residence before" and "the parents were repeatedly notified"...

the · 12-30-2008, 07:58 AM

They are almost adults, not really kids anymore. At 19, the son should not even be living at home anymore, he's fully cooked and should be out on his own.

The daughter, a little younger, but she's pretty much fully cooked, the parenting is pretty much over, there is not a whole lot of influence parents can have on her anymore.

That's the inherent conflict with adult or near adult kids living at home. They are no longer programmed to accept parenting, and they are going to start "doing their own thing." (Which is a natural and good thing, who would want a 19 year old man who lives at home and does nothing but listen to mommy and daddy?).

porsche4life · porsche4life's Garage

Lock the fridge next time. Won't happen if they cant get to the beer.