Paternity

Isabo · 01-22-2009, 01:05 AM

My husband commented on this story that the two worst things a woman can do to her husband are:
1) To tell him a child is his when it's not.
2) To tell him it's not his.
Is this a guy thing?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1126463/Paternity-fraud-fight-husband--8216-duped-17-years-wife-8217.html
I do think the husband got a raw deal though.

Mr.Puff · 01-22-2009, 01:25 AM

:\ I have a distinct hate for cheating, lying, deceitful P'sOS.

livi · 01-22-2009, 01:29 AM

Isa, generally I believe your husband is expressing a very normal 'opinion'.

I think there are two sides to this emotional reaction and the one with the biggest impact is biological. One of strongest primitive drives is that of reproducing. The male strategy in the animal kingdom is generally to have a large number of genetic material (sperms) and spread them as often and with as many potential females as possible. He leaves the caring and most of the immediate upbringing to the female. His own assignment being that of protecting and bringing resources to the offspring (and female).

Now, if it turns out that he has wasted all this time with protection and resources on offspring that is not of his own genetic material, it has in an evolutionary perspective been a complete waste. This is, in a less subtle way, exemplified with several of the big cats, like lions for example. A new alpha male, taking over a group of females and their cubs, will often start by killing the cubs in order to start reproduction of his own genetic material.

I suppose, on a more or less subconscious level, this is still an unavoidable reaction with modern man.

As the female reproduction strategy is vastly different from that of the male, it is perhaps less of an emotional obstacle for a female.

Just some random thoughts, for which I am certain I will be kicked harshly and swiftly on the head.

LeRoux Strydom · 01-22-2009, 02:47 AM

Livi is 100% correct.

All I can add is that females (of most animal species) will generally try to secure as many resources for themselves and their offspring to live the good life. That is why they make themselves as attractive as possible to the male who displays the highest potential of caring for them. Unfortunately their strategies include lying & cheating for this purpose (at least among homo sapiens).

livi · 01-22-2009, 02:56 AM

And that pretty much completes the picture!

Danimal16 · 01-22-2009, 03:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeRoux Strydom

Livi is 100% correct.

All I can add is that females (of most animal species) will generally try to secure as many resources for themselves and their offspring to live the good life. That is why they make themselves as attractive as possible to the male who displays the highest potential of caring for them. Unfortunately their strategies include lying & cheating for this purpose (at least among homo sapiens).

And that my friends is why I would love to see my ex on a milk carton.

LeRoux Strydom · 01-22-2009, 03:11 AM

Another thought:

I have a lot of respect and admiration for a man that cares for another man's child (think adoption, step-children etc.) as if it were his own. The major difference, though, is that he knows for certain it is not his child, so there is no opportunity for deceipt by the female.

Generally speaking, though, such caring for step-children buys the man some other, uh, "benefits" in the marital department.

Danimal16 · 01-22-2009, 03:21 AM

Believe it or not LeRoux there is still opportunity for them to lie. I agree with your point as logical, but I have seen it far to often that the female will still side with the kids, ALWAYS. There is also the expectation of what's hers is hers and what yours is hers to. This is the desire for security that was mentioned above.

My advice is to get a prenuptial agreement. If not for anything but the exercise, it is a test of her desires and integrity and if she hides anything from you well you are protected.

Buckterrier · 01-22-2009, 04:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danimal16

Believe it or not LeRoux there is still opportunity for them to lie. I agree with your point as logical, but I have seen it far to often that the female will still side with the kids, ALWAYS. There is also the expectation of what's hers is hers and what yours is hers to. This is the desire for security that was mentioned above.

My advice is to get a prenuptial agreement. If not for anything but the exercise, it is a test of her desires and integrity and if she hides anything from you well you are protected.

Unfortunately you are right. Just check out some of Dueller's threads concerning his step children.

Hebrewhomeboy · 01-22-2009, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danimal16

And that my friends is why I would love to see my ex on a milk carton.

Same here! (but my ex, not yours. maybe we can get a group discount though?)

Clay Perrine · 01-22-2009, 05:08 AM

I know a guy who tried this in the US. He was decieved into thinking a child was his when it was not. After the child turned 8, he found out that he was not the father when a blood test revealed that the child had B+ blood, and he had A+.

He tried to sue to get back the child support, and get his name off the birth certificate, and the court threw out the suit. It seems that the "best interest of the child" meant that he had to continue to pay child support for a child that was definitely NOT his for the next 10 years because he did not find out that the child was not his within the first 3 years after birth.

Now the child is over 18, and he had to have a lawyer add a clause to his will that stated that any claims on his estate by any child had to prove that the man was the child's father with a DNA test.

In the USA, when it comes to paternity, the man is ALWAYS guilty until proven innocent, and sometimes he is still guilty after he is proven innocent.

Laneco · 01-22-2009, 07:05 AM

I am the proverbial "red-headed stepchild."

Take it from me... Your Daddy is the one who loves you and raises you. The true measure of a man is when he does the thing he ought to do even when it's hard. In my case, my Daddy chose to love me unconditionally. When it gets right down to it, that's the only thing that really matters.

http://www.montecarloss.com/community/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=484380#Post484380

angela

RoninLB · 01-22-2009, 07:05 AM

In NY a few years ago there was a movement to DNA all school kids. The mothers protested. It was never enacted.

Turns out that it was figured that 25% of kids in school are not the children of their legal father.

KevinP73 · 01-22-2009, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danimal16

And that my friends is why I would love to see my ex on a milk carton.

Many years back I made a comment referencing my ex being "found face down in a muddy ditch with her panties around her ankles bleeding from the rectum with a gun shot wound to the back of her head". I've been flamed many times since then but never worse. A milk carton just wouldn't do this woman justice.

looneybin · 01-22-2009, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laneco

Your Daddy is the one who loves you and raises you.

I have to agree.
I met my wife when she had a 10 mo. old son.
I have raised him & loved him as if he were my own blood.
He is now 20 years old & has known since he was little that i am not his biological father, but as far as he is concerned, i am his dad
It takes more than being a sperm donor to be a father

notfarnow · 01-22-2009, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laneco

http://www.montecarloss.com/community/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=484380#Post484380

angela

wow.

you guys clicked on that link yet??

flatbutt · 01-22-2009, 08:54 AM

hence the phrase.."any man can be a Father, but it's a special man that is a Dad"

VINMAN · 01-22-2009, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notfarnow

wow.

you guys clicked on that link yet??

I'm speechless. That put a nice lump in my throat. You're a great person Angela.

Laneco · 01-22-2009, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by looneybin

I have to agree.
I met my wife when she had a 10 mo. old son.
I have raised him & loved him as if he were my own blood.
He is now 20 years old & has known since he was little that i am not his biological father, but as far as he is concerned, i am his dad
It takes more than being a sperm donor to be a father

Men like you (and my father) who have choosen this path are, one by one, fixing the broken things in this world. And the children that you raise inherit your goodness. DNA has nothing to do with it. The human race needs more people like you and my father.

Good on ya!

angela

notfarnow · 01-22-2009, 09:36 AM

Angela, you should start a whole new thread about that SS. That is one hell of a story