Tha Tale Of The Big Buffoon

tabs · 05-27-2009, 11:57 PM

Once upon a time...there was this Big Buffoon who worked for a major grocery company. The only thing he really knew was to keep his mouth shut and to CYA.

After a few years he got a transfer to a satellite facility and there his education began...for ya see...

There were 3 groups that were skimming from the company...

1. The employee group that five fingered cases into their cars

2. Foremen and low level management who took trailers full of merch... a pallet of Tuna was worth $7000 X 24 pallets = $168,000. They would even use company equipment that was red tagged as needing repair to unload those trailers at their warehouse. Then the equipment would be shipped back as being repaired. BTW Tuna is easy to unload to mom and pop stores...so long as it is not the store brand..

3. Upper Management who hired managers to embezzle.

Well the Foreman didn't like the employees and their activities as it was endangering their activities, so he dropped the dime on them to security. The leader of the forman group even set it up to pin it on a dim wit employee as the fink. Some of the employee group got busted and fired. One of the employees knew that the Director of the Dry Goods Warehouses was using company labour to unload trailers and billing the company for outside labour. Along with billing for non existent pallets. all told the company admitted to about 250K That fired employee dropped the dime on the Director. The Director got fired, and security went a lookin, soon after the low level management got fired. Only the Foreman got away because he was Union and was not caught red handed. However that Foreman told his tale to Security which information was used to prosecute the Director. That Director later got beaten up in a bar in Malibu by the actor Jan Michael Vincent.

Then there was the manager of the garage who maintained the fleet of Tractors and Trailers. The company bought 50 Great Dane 50 foot boxes that came with Michelin Tires (8 per Trailer), it seems that those tires were taken off and put in a trailer that well disappeared into the night. Those $250 apiece tires were replaced with recap tires...A Supervisor in the garage dropped the dime to security about the misplacement of those tires and someone told security to STOP investigating the matter....WHO in a major corporation can tell Security to stop an investigation of a manager???

It seems that the Manager of the garage had a reputation in the biz as a embezzlement artist, who nearly ran DR Pepper into the ground before he came to this company. He had a house in Huntington Harbour that was paid for with cash.

So the whole point of this little fairy tale is that the big buffoon learned some street smarts. He learned that everything is not as it seems on the surface of things. That it is better to be able to look around corners to see what is really happening. In all actuality the Big Buffoon is probably the only one who knows the whole story as he pieced it all together like a puzzle. Well that is the story I was told anyway by this Big Buffoon.

tabs · 01:29 AM

It seems as related to me by the Big Buffoon that this grocery company had bought some telephones to sell. Well they were fair game to the Employee Group and the Forman group. So both groups helped themselves to some telephones. Only it seems that there were too many telphones missing to go unnoticed So some one had to put some telephones back.

One night on the dock as an employee was loading a Trailer the dock was empty, when he came back a few minutes later there was a pallet of telephones on the dock where there had been no telephones before. It does seem that someone put some telephones back after all. The Big Buffoon seems to think this was the straw that broke the camels back which caused the Forman to drop the dime on the employee group.

Ironically the Big Buffoon was talking to a long time employee named JC on a Sunday afternoon when the employee said, "Your going to hear about the telephones and it wasn't me it was LR. The next day the Big Buffoon was talking to LR in another location who said "You are going to hear about the telephones it wasn't me it was JC." HUH!

tabs · 05-28-2009, 02:00 AM

One night after work the Big Buffoon decided to ride with a friend who had a Big 78 Lincoln Continental to deliver some paper work to a warehouse down in Compton, CA. Coming out of the warehouse with a case of styrofoam cups to take back to the other warehouse he opened his trunk and showed the Buffoon the some shotgun shells he had reloaded to go skeet shooting. As he was showing the shells to the Buffoon another employee walked by. At that moment Corporate security jumped out of a van they were using for surveillance and tried to bust the employee who had just walked by for theft. The employee took off running for the fence, got to the fence and jumped over before security could nab him.

As the Buffoon and friend were headed back to the other warehouse they saw the employee who had taken off, running down the side of the freeway. They turned around and told Security they had seen the employee running down the freeway. When the employee was cornered on an overpass by the Compton PD he threatened to jump. To which the Compton PD said, "Go ahead and jump."

tabs · 05-28-2009, 02:27 AM

The Big Buffoon told me about a guy named Joe who always wore wrinkled cloths as if they were right from the cloths dryer. Joe was a quiet guy, never said anything to anyone and when he sat reading a newspaper in the break room he could turn the pages of a newspaper without making a sound. The only people Joe ever talked to were people who had guns. He was rumored to have carried a 44 mag under his coat from time to time. No one ever bothered Joe...he just did his job and everyone left him alone. One night the Big Buffoon got to talking to him and Joe said, "If they had ever fired me before I found the Lord I would have gone out in a blaze of glory."

tabs · 05-28-2009, 02:41 AM

Another employee that the Big Buffoon told me about was Ron. Ron was a 6'2" 220 lb black guy that was all muscle. His hands were described to me as being huge. He was at one time a Golden Gloves Boxer in the Army and was as quick as lightening with his hands. Ole Ronnie hated White people and was known to extort money from the white boys. When they had to fire his brother for absenteeism they called him into the office to explain why they had to fire his brother. Ron was also an orginal member of the CRIPS...

To which when the Big Buffoon was a rookie he said that he was riding up the aisle on a slow pallet jack when Ron came by saying, "Get the fk outa my way." To which the Big Buffoon said, "Ouuubaaa ullla walllaa" to him. After going up and down several more aisles and standing one aisle apart and seperated by several pallets Ron and the Big Buffoon had a short conversation in which Ron said, "I could shoot you right between the eyes go home, watch cartoons and laugh my head off." And RON was serious....according to the Big Buffoon.

tabs · 05-28-2009, 03:01 AM

Then the Big Buffoon told me about an Irishman by the name of Old Bill, Bill said he was 50 but looked more like 65. Old Bill would go on and on about how much he hated Jane Fonda. Ya see Old Bill found the pot of Lepraucans gold came to California and bought 32 apartment units on the Beach in Santa Monaica....he hated Jane Fonda for 2 reasons she bought a house that he was going to buy and she was instrumental in getting rent control in Santa Monica...

tabs · 04:34 AM

The Big Buffoon related to me storys about the Forman as mentioned above. The Formans father was an Espispocal priest in an upper middle class town in SO CA where JPL is located. All of the Formans brothers and sisters were either MD's or Attorneys. The Forman had almost completed his engineering degree when he went to work for this major grocery chain.

His appearence was that of one scruffy lookin guy with an unkempt beard. He drove a beat up old Datsun pickup truck with tools and empty soda cans in the bed and in the passenger seat. He had varied interests such as lock smithing and creating some sort of power experiment with a pallet of Sugar that he borrowed from the company. He and his older scruffy buddy were known as Sanford and Son, whose hobby was going around to DWP sites and liberating the brass padlocks which they would resell in Mexico. The buddy was known to have all the master keys to all the major brands of locks on a board in his house. The Forman was also known not to have paid his utility biills and rehooking the power lines himself.

Such was the Forman....why he got involved in his extra curricular activities was that it was as the Big Buffoon described the Forman telling him, "Was to see if he could do it." It was the challenge and not the money, and that was the reason he never got caught. The Big Buffoon was told by the Foreman that people had unwittingly had helped him load trailers that disappeared into the night. that he was talking to the President of Distribution for the company as one of his trailers was going out the gate.

The Forman was known to have opened an employees car and place a 50 lb bag of dog food in the car as a warning to an employee to transfer out of that faciltiy. The employee left and never went back to that facility. Or when he asked the Big Buffoon about a medical leave the Buffoon had taken the Buffoon had enough sense to avoid answering. With 15 minutes the Big Buffoon said another employee came up and asked the same question to which the Buffoon answered, "because the Doc said I was one sick mther fker." Another time the Big Buffoon said the Forman came up and talked to him for half an hour to get the answer to one question, and when he got it, in a few moment s he had left. The Big Buffoon said to me that never before nor since has he ever met anyone like that.

For some reason I think the Big Buffoon was telling me the truth.

tabs · 05-28-2009, 06:03 AM

Back in the day the Big Buffoon was tellin me a lot of guys were into the Income tax revolt and were not paying any Income Tax. Now The Big Buffoon told about Burnsy as a "working class hero" He has two claims to fame one as an over time king..After putting in about 14 hours one day a Supervisor told Burnsy don't go home till I tell you to. Shortly thereafter the Supervisor went home without telling Burnsy. The next day the Supervisor came in and saw Burnsy and asked, "Did you come in early." Burnsy said, "ne never left, as he was just doing as he was told." In todays dollars that would be close to $1000.00 for one days work.

Burnsy was also one of those who didin't pay income taxes and the IRS came after him with all guns blazing. However in the end Burnsy won his case in court and was absolved from paying income taxes. As Burnsy explained it to the Big Buffoon he won because he claimed he was not earning income but selling the only commodity he had which was his time...he said folks don't try this at home cause it wasn't worth the pain and suffering the IRS put me through. To this day Burnsy doesn't pay any income taxes...

.

tabs · 06:10 AM

Willard was a goofy lookin guy who was kind of slow. His dad even got him a wife in Mexico that was ugly as a mud fence. She didn't even make ole Willard a home made lunch but bought him frozen store bought Burritos for lunch. Yet ole Willard was an over time king putting in as many hours as he could every week, which usually amount to about 60 aweek (about 2000 a week) . Yet that wasn't enough for old Willard as he went down to a Jack in the Box and applied for a job. The manager took one look at the Willlard, the application and thought Willard was lying about the amount of money he was making every week. So he didin't get the job...

tabs · 05-28-2009, 06:50 AM

Bob was a black guy who left being an Insurance Adjuster to make some real money. The first year on the job he stashed 30K away, bought a self service car wash with the loot. Finished his degree at USC and started selling RE on the West side. When the Buffoon first met Bob he was drivin a Corvette, then he bought a 944 and then a slant nose cabriolet. He had a house in the Anaheim Hills and when he left CA he bought a 21st Century RE agency with his brother in Lanta...he also went to work for a grocery chain back there....

sammyg2 · 05-28-2009, 07:17 AM

Your point to all that would be....... ?

KevinP73 · 05-28-2009, 07:35 AM

HardDrive · 05-28-2009, 07:48 AM

My eyes! It burns, it burns!!!!!!!

tabs · 05-28-2009, 08:03 AM

Of course the wildest, howling mad mther fker of them all was the Buffoon hisself.
He once told a long haired drug addled newbie that would fk anything that walked or crawled by the name of Wolf that when the Buffoon "masterbated he fantasied about the wolf." The Wolf didn't know what to make of it and stayed clear of the Buffoon for a week until he caught on to the joke. Which seemed to delight everyone who already knew the Buffoon.

Another time at band camp the Buffoon told me that he was sitting on the john for about 1/2 hour reading a comic book. When he came out a Supervisor said you have been in there for 1/2 an hour. To which the Buffoon replied, 'You have seen me eat, it all has to come out sometime."

In the end the Buffoon decided after seeing all the BS that the best way to get over was to do as little as possible and the best way to hide from a Supervisor was to talk to them..that is until the Supervisors were warned not to engage the Buffoon in conversation.

The Buffoon also told me that this is the sanitized version of his history..there was far more...

Finally the Buffoon started driving his Rolls Royce to work news of which seemed to have made its way on down to corporate headquarters....