Parents--3 year old not sleeping all night

[Oh Haha]

Our daughter is 3YO and up until recently had pretty much slept through the night without issue.

Over the past few months she has been waking up after having a nightmare, we think anyway.

I have eradicated any monsters that may have been in her closet and showed her that they don't live there anymore.

We have also got her 3 nightlights but she still wakes up and will not go back to sleep. We then let her lay down beside our bed and, after a couple hours of wanting to play and sing, she will go back to sleep.

Last night we moved her toy chest to in front of the closet door but she still was up scared.

Back in April we split the kids up so they each have their own room. I'm sure that the move has something to do with her not sleeping but we aren't sure of what to do.

She actually slept in the tent with her brother and I and slept all night.

My wife is at her wit's end with this.(She gets up with the kids at night.)

Any ideas?

[Super_Dave_D]

I tell my wife that I willl handle it...........then I tell my kid that is she wakes me up again, the monster in the closet is the last thing she will be worried about!

[cstreit]

I'd advocate tough love. My son would wake up and want to sleep in our bed. The more we helped him... Whether joining us, helping with nightlights, etc.. the worse it got. Finally I'd just walk him back tell him to go to sleep because he was safe and everything was okay. This worked over about a 2 week period of every night , I'd advocate a step-down strategy. She literally needs to be weened again I think. You know how kids can be, give them an inch and they'll take the mile right? Start lowering your response every day.

Day 1. Respond as normal
Day 2. Stay in the room for 20 minutes.
Day 3. Less time in the room. Firmer discussion, etc..

Gotta be tough though and firm. They won't like it but in the end better for her that she can comfort herself rather than being totally dependant on you to do it.

I've also found that a short discussion about it BEFORE bed helps. With my son I would tell him "I know you'll wake up tonight. When you do, turn your light up, sing your favorite song, hug your teddy bear, but you've got to stay in bed." Giving him a coping strategy that doesn't involve waking us up.

[dtw]

Can't say it any better than Chris. Firmness. The parents are in charge. Ease the fears like a caring parent but end the behavior.

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by Super_Dave_D

I tell my wife that I willl handle it...........then I tell my kid that is she wakes me up again, the monster in the closet is the last thing she will be worried about!

Uh, somehow I don't think that I will get away with that but it's funny.

thanks guys


As it has been my wife getting up the kids WHEN I HAD A JOB she has been dealing with it. I will start tonight and try a new approach.

Chris--We have tried several of your suggestions but I think that it ends up being more of a "whatever gets her to stop crying".

I give my wife lots of credit as she has been dealing with this just about every night.

[berettafan]

be careful about watching certain movies/tv shows when she's around. kids pay attention to EVERYTHING.

i too like Chris' response.

[Super_Dave_D]

OK here is my serious attempt:

Buy her a special stuffed animal ONLY for sleeping - let her pick it out.

You tuck her in each night - kiss the stuffed animal in if you have to!

Make up a "rule" about what you "know" about monsters. For example, "Monsters are highly allergic to all types of blankets, so make sure you keep yourself tucked in, and that way they won't come near you." Use an authoritative voice and try not to smile and it'll work like a charm.

Put her back into bed as soon as she gets up and let her know its sleepy time.

[Burnin' oil]

This is an easy problem to fix. Every night, tuck her in, tell her you love her and wish her sweet dreams. Repeat this for two to five years, longer if necessary. Viola, problem solved.

[Teutonics]

If it helps, my youngest daughter went through the same thing about 6 months ago (same age). She never complained about dreams or being scared, although she did relay vivid recollections of dreams (no monsters or anything). Call us softies, but my wife would usually go fall asleep with her for the rest of the night. It wasn't a big deal because she is in a full-size bed.

In a couple of months, it stopped as quickly as it started. She sleeps like a rock now.

They don't stay three forever. (unfortunately)

[peppy]

Let her sleep in the bed with you and your wife. Roll over on top of her in the middle of the night. Make sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed an uncomfortable experience.

I got this from Love and Logic so it may be BS.

[Super_Dave_D]

And just when they start getting good at sleeping alone - sneek outside and rap on the window real loud one night. That will keep her on her toes - lol!

[Burnin' oil]

Originally Posted by Super_Dave_D

And just when they start getting good at sleeping alone - sneek outside and rap on the window real loud one night. That will keep her on her toes - lol!

Now THAT is what I call quality parenting.

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by Burnin' oil

This is an easy problem to fix. Every night, tuck her in, tell her you love her and wish her sweet dreams. Repeat this for two to five years, longer if necessary. Viola, problem solved.

Ok, this one we have been doing. I am lucky enough to be able to tuck my kids in bed every night.


I know she'll out grow it but right now, with me being laid off, the stress level has been a little higher for everyone.

Keep 'em coming. We appreciate the ideas.

[Tom '74 911]

Ahhhhhhhh. . . Kids and no sleep; Something I can relate to. Neither of our boys (7 & 4) are great sleepers. While things have improved, they used to stay awake and be gnarly, nasty little trolls until their bodies shut off at which point they'd just tip over and fall asleep wherever they were at the time. More often than not, it'd be way past their bedtime and our bedtime as well (Me, bitter?!!!!).

We did seek help and one of the more helpful insights suggested was that everyone has definite sleep patterns. If the pattern is an undesirable one, then the only way to get out of it is to break it. We would INTENTIONALLY wake up our (then) 3 yr. old an hour after he fell asleep. Just to the point of him opening his eyes enough to give you a WTF? look - enough to break his REM pattern. He'd still be groggy enough that as soon as you left the room, he'd be out again. The point being to break the pattern he was stuck in by reorganizing when his REM sleep is happening during the night. This did help us.

However, I do think the only real absolute solution is to wait a few years until they are older!

Best of luck!
Tom

[aigel]

Originally Posted by berettafan

be careful about watching certain movies/tv shows when she's around. kids pay attention to EVERYTHING.

+1

TV - eliminated it completely, including kids shows. See what happens.

George

[dtw]

To tie into/comment on a few of the posts above,
-the funny post was only half-joking (I think). I've shown the offspring that the monsters never actually show up, yet an angry parent absolutely will. The light bulb turned on. She knows when we're serious about something because we don't bluff or make false promises.

-we never 'play along' on the monster bit. No checking under the bed or in the closet - just a flat "monsters are imaginary, you have nothing to worry about, mommy and daddy would NEVER let something dangerous in the room with you". Once we got "but Bobby at school said..." and we let her know that she had been had by an older student. But we will not validate the notion that the monsters are real.

[TechnoViking]

You gotta be firm. You are being worked over by the kid.

Mine are 2 and 4. When they get up, my first interaction with them is compassionate and caring. Address the "problem" and then it's back to bed. 5 minutes tops.

Second time out of bed, I'm very curt, borderline angry. Third time, I let them know dad is not happy about being up in the middle of the night.

Bottom line - you gotta structure it such that nothing really good comes of getting up at 1:00 AM. No reward of any kind for that.

You give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile.

[Super_Dave_D]

Did anyone notice this??

[Porsche_monkey]

1. Reverse the baby monitor

2. Yell 'shut up and go to sleep'

3. Go back to sleep.

Seriously, I doubt this 'phase' will last very long, especially if it is minimized and not made out to be a big deal.

[berettafan]

on a side note isn't it fantastic falling asleep with a little one?

gotta be one of life's great experiences. you listen to them breathe and thank God for this amazing gift....i tell ya it's worth all the trouble.