Me and Chip~

[Normy]

Oh boy...here it comes: This is going to be a "soap-opera"....

Over the next few weeks, I am going to be ripping the complete kitchen out of my house in Fort Lauderdale, and re-doing the utility room too, which is basically attached. The contractor I've hired is this guy who is ASTOUNDINGLY reliable. I work for an airline, but in my spare time at home I work for a small local company that buys distressed homes and apartment complexes and fixes them up. I invested $100k from my savings, and when I'm home, I swing a hammer and use "snakes" in plugged toilets. I hang lights, seat toilets on wax rings, and install blinds on windows. I've laid tile before [hurt my back, which is weak~], chopped down 50 foot tall sabal palms, done [average; sorry!] ceiling drywall work, and have even done complete irrigation pump installs. That damn blue glue is hard to get off your fingernails...especially if you use a pair of scissors to cut them as I do.

Anyway, this month I am going to demo the kitchen in my $520,000 home in Fort Lauderdale. This place is gorgeous, but the kitchen ISN'T. 1962 lacquered off-white cabinets, with formica countertops circa 1990. About 1978, the Stalker's moved in. That really is their name: Stalker. Apparently, they replaced all their appliances at the same time around 1994. There was a propane-gas cooktop on on of the counters originally, but it apparently failed around 1994, and the Stalkers replaced it with a regular electric range. A 3-prong 220 outlet that looks circa 1990's is back there, mounted at an angle? Jesus. Ever hear of a permit? So far we haven't had any fires... When I dug up the alley just beside the kitchen to put down patio blocks and form a storage area two years ago, I found a bunch of broken copper gas pipes. I don't know if there is a submerged gas tank on my property, but the ones that still exist in my subdivision are near the road, and have caps. I have a seriously[!] ANTI-SOCIAL Robellini palm growing where that tank should be~

Regular electric range? Yes. Now, think about this for a few seconds: You have this gas cook-top mounted on your formica topped cabinets, and you want to install a regular range. That means you need to do some cutting. And cutting was done! They took a circular saw and literally sawed away the countertop. And the edges chiped all to hell! Look underneath in the cabinets, and you can see long chips of wook hanging from where the circular saw left them!

OK. Now I've recovered, 4 years after buying this obnoxiously expensive house...financially: I've been eating a LOT of pasta these past few years! Actually for a while I was concerned about losing my job for a while, but that never came to pass. I can now either buy a silver 928 GTS 5 speed , or install a kitchen that matches the rest of my house. The kitchen makes FAR more sense, and my 928S2 would so kick the rat scheize out of that silly, stupid "wide body" in any contest of speed...and costs me NOTHING....that it is a no-brainer.

Also, the kitchen will be about $10k cheaper than that overpriced GTS.

Well, while they are removing the kitchen, they need access to my garage, and since I do all this work for Olivier on the side, they need the utility room that I have been using to store all our tools and spare parts. I'm rehabing this space at the same time- kitchen cabinets removed will go into the utility room, so there is a need for space for paint cans and other useful items. I'm putting them in the garage, and I found a place next door to put my 928: Chip's driveway.

Chip: French Canadian; he is 70 years old, fat and has a disorder known as vitiligo, where he has large splotches of odd colors on his skin. On a cow this is normal, but most humans don't like this. Also, Chip is....gay. He lives alone, and occasionally I see young men washing his car in his driveway. I have no problem with that, but I do think that prostitution of ANY form is a FAST way to bring HIV home to your WIFE.

Chip doesn't have a wife, so that means that I kind of keep him at arms length. But tonight he came and knocked on my door:

"I'm going to Thailand for 3 weeks; would you mind watching my house?" he said.

I said "Yeah sure....but I want to ask you a favor: Can I park my 928 in your driveway for a week or two, since mine is going to be used by several disgusting chevrolet trucks?

"Oh yeah! Surely, please park your car in my drive, it will keep away the scum" He said. He was probably talking about the gay male prostitutes who typically beat on his door.

-If you think I am concerned about these prostitutes, you would be correct. At the same time, the area we live in [it is a gated community] is so safe that I think I could have left all the doors unlocked every day, and I have a security system on my house that is monitored. Also....though I don't often tout it on here, I own a small arsenal of guns, and they are distributed around the house in case someone tries to attack me- there is no one position in my house where I am more than 30 feet from a firearm. I'm a member of the NRA, shoot my Ruger .40 S&W on a regular basis, and own two assault rifles.

That same individual, that Chip? He was robbed at gunpoint two years ago, and they stole his Cadillac. It was retrieved the next day, and the crud who pulled the gun [for once] was actually prosecuted.

The thing is...this guy, who goes to Thailand for one reason [probably...11 year old boys...though I have no proof of that] will be away for a month. Good place to park the 928 under the "Mark 28 Portable Garage" while the [probable] pedophile does his thing in Thailand....

N!

[bell]

Wow......my head hurts now LOL
Good luck with the kitchen

[Normy]

Originally Posted by bell

Wow......my head hurts now LOL
Good luck with the kitchen

Sorry, I tend to talk too much~

[azasadny]

Good luck with your project. I would not put my car anywhere near Chip's house. One of the "undesirables" may be angry with Chip, think the Porsche is his and key it or something.

[Gogar]

+1 to what Art said, Normy. Keep looking for alternatives, at least.

[bivenator]

Gogar, you don't have to tell norm to look for alternatives. Alternative is the norm.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by Normy

Also, Chip is....gay.

Why was it so predictable that a Normy post titled "Me and Chip" was going to contain that sentence?

[Normy]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Why was it so predictable that a Normy post titled "Me and Chip" was going to contain that sentence?

probably because you want to use a butter-knife to wipe blueberry jam on my butthole?

[Normy]

[He wants to lick it off, but he won't admit it-]

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by Normy

probably because you want to use a butter-knife to wipe blueberry jam on my butthole?

lol at the purple sausage pilot.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by Normy

[He wants to lick it off, but he won't admit it-]

lolx2.

I'm not gay, you're the one who posted you were (and also posted about your gay sex experiences, your "naturally hairless ass" etc.).

When did you stop being gay? How did you pull that off? I didn't think you boys could be "cured."

[72doug2,2S]

Originally Posted by Normy

The thing is...this guy, who goes to Thailand for one reason [probably...11 year old boys...though I have no proof of that] will be away for a month. Good place to park the 928 under the "Mark 28 Portable Garage" while the [probable] pedophile does his thing in Thailand....

N!

What kind of freak show neighborhood do you live in? BTW, Chip's problem has a name it is called pederasty. It was hugely popular in Rome before Rome fell. Some say acceptance of homosexuality, in all its deviant forms, is the sign of a dying nation, the canary in the mine.

[RWebb]

pics of the kitchen?

diagrams?

[trap]

Good story. Just another day in Florida.

Until I moved there, I thought Carl Hiaasen's books were fiction. Listening to news radio while driving one day I heard about a woman in Miami who was cited for animal cruelty because she left a baby pig in a hot, closed up car while she was in a store.

Why would a woman in Miami have a live baby pig in her car?

Well, her boyfriend's boa constrictor escaped and they were driving around plopping the pig down on street corners attempting to use it as bait for the snake. Apparently she didn't have a convenient human baby laying around.

In all honesty, I miss it. You just don't get that kind of color in the midwest.

[dhoward]

Originally Posted by Normy

probably because you want to use a butter-knife to wipe blueberry jam on my butthole?

I have to remember that response.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by dhoward

I have to remember that response.

Although, unlike normy, you'll be able to say it with a straight face.

[Joeaksa]

You might want to engage the yaw damper.

[s_morrison57]

Normy's gay? Chip has blotches on his skin? What kinda car does he drive? A hairless ass and blueberry jam smeared on your butt hole, this is really to much info, please no pics