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Trek OCLV Full Carbon Frame and Fork

Are you a Monster-swilling, leg-shaving, speed demon looking for a new stallion to add to the stable? Well, today is your lucky day, because you have found for sale a bicycle formed from the same materials as those used in the F-16, the F-15, F-18 and B-2. So you know this bike can deliver punishment to your adversaries and make them like it.

Let's discuss the particulars of this war wagon, shall we?

Model - Trek OCLV
Size - 54cm; yes it is certified to use the metric system
Frame/Fork Material: Carbon wrapped Carbon fiber. They made this bike then used the left over carbon fiber to make the F-22.
Cranks - Shimano Ultegra triple 53/44/28; 172.5mm - because 171 was too short and 173 was too long
Shifters - Shimano Ultegra 9 speed; three more gears than a Ferrari Enzo
Brakes - Shimano Ultegra; stopping power to bring a runaway M1A1 Abrams to a halt from 45mph in 28 feet
Wheels - Pair of Cane Creek 700c; so awesome, an extra digit needed to be calculated for pi
Tires - Hutchinson; the company that made those FEAR THIS window stickers came up with the idea after racing on a set of these
Bars - Bontrager Race Lite; gives you the control over this bike that the President wishes he had on the economy
Stem – Yes, it has one of them too. ITM Manis
Saddle - Selle San Marco; hand stitched by Italian artisans
Seat post – although the seat would probably hover without one, I am throwing in a Bontrager X Race post for free.
Pedals - not included; get your own

Though this bad boy has dished out the punishment to many a foe, it has never been crashed and is in top notch shape. The bike is dark blue due to the fact that the lighter pigment has been blown off the bike by the extreme speeds it has seen. The SR-71 - the world's fastest aircraft - is black for the same reason. This bike isn't black (yet), but it's getting pretty close.

Let’s talk price:
Cost of a B-2 is $1B
Cost of an F-18E/F is $54M
Cost of an F-15 is $30M
Cost of an F-16 is $17M
Cost of an M1A1 Abrams is $4M
Cost of a Ferrari Enzo is $1.2M – if you can get one (yeah, as if)

This Trek is a steal at $1400, an amazing bargain for what can only be described as a national treasure.

If you are a Caspar Milquetoast, a Nancy boy, or a cheese-eating surrender monkey (yes, I'm talking to you, Charles De Gaulle) move along. This bike is clearly more than you can possibly hope to handle.

If, however, your picture is in the dictionary next to the words Alpha Male, jackhammer, and Freak of Nature, then this the bike for you