The one that's getting away...

[Schumi]

So as a follow up to a previous thread that many of you have plenty to say about, I'll post a bit of a follow up. the original thread is here:

guys, I think I found "the one"..

To summarize, you can read my first post and the conclusion on the last page. At the end of that thread, about 3 months ago... things were going good.

For simplicity we'll call her C. C is very smart and, like me, loves to dig and thus using even just her first name on this board would easily lead her to finding this. Anyways..

I had finally expressed my thoughts to her and we were seemingly together for a while. Exclusive. She was wonderful and I really thought I had something.

Unfortunately, and this wasn't a surprise I knew it was coming, but she moved in September, taking up residence at a new university- she's working on her medical PhD, and that obviously takes up a lot of her time. Unfortunately we aren't able to see each other that often. As you all know I have rather intensive research of my own, I'm putting down 60 hours a week on.

I felt that she really wasn't ready for such a serious relationship at the same time- she's never dated on the regular, and I could sense that this could be trouble. Obviously our feelings for each other were there and she made that clear, but after talking to her friend of 10 years and major confidant, I confirmed my hypothesis. Friend noted that she's an extremely busy woman, working a job while attending, and thats all rather stressful. The friend made the comment that it's ridiculous how we are the same person and how yes, yes indeed we were perfect for each other... but time and fate just aren't on our side.

So that's how we get to today. I called and had a chat with her last night, both of us promising to see each other soon. It wasn't akward at all, we fell back into that good, great old conversation like we always do, finishing each other's sentences etc. It's just that underlying problem- that problem that we both know we're supposed to be more than 'buddies' but can't make it work.

I'm not going to sugar coat anything here either... I've had a far less meaningful yet far more physical 'relationship' with a local woman who I met at a bar a few weeks ago... I haven't hidden this from C, we're no longer in an exclusive relationship although we are not dating any others.

So, to footnote, after my last thread on the matter everything looked like roses but it actually didn't go well much longer after that.

Being bold and to the point got me the moment I needed with her last time, as posted about in the last thread. It's time I make an effort at this one again. I am really, really tired of short flings and one nighters. I never though I would say that, but I guess I'm just getting to that point......

[flatbutt]

Romance is a be-otch Schumi. It can be worth it but do be careful that you don't become jaded in the pursuit of someone you can't have.

[Gogar]

Here's what I've found out, after about 3 of those relationships you're talking about.


If you WANT to be with her, YOU WILL. You'll figure it out.Everything else is just BS.

She needs to be on the same page.

If you don't do anything, then it goes away, and you can shift the blame to how you're busy, she's in school, blah. blah. All BS. But it makes you "feel" better.

But not as good as you might have felt if you were with her for real.

[nostatic]

Always another fish in the pond. Be happy for the time you had, but you can't force things and if you're out of phase then it won't work. And I consider long distance relationships to be not real, so avoid reading too much into that sort of thing.

[porsche4life]

Wow... If you really want to you can make a long distance relationship work... I did for a while... Trust issues came into the picture though... She could do w/e and I was supposed to believe her... I couldn't do anything... I still think that if you both really want it to work and you both truly care for each other it will work. You just need to be able to trust each other and believe what the other is saying...


If you want it you will make it work...

[Schumi]

If we were actually in a committed, real relationship I would have no problem trusting her. She may wonder about me, but if it was real, she'd know it, and she'd know that she's the only one I have.

Relationship or no, I would trust this woman with my life.

[porsche4life]

Thats good... You need her to be able to trust you too... That was my problem. I trusted her but she didn't trust me which in turn made me question my trust for her... No bueno.


I find humor that as you start looking for a real relationship like I just left, I am looking for the one night stand lifestyle...

[Schumi]

Sidney if you ever come to this area you can have my black book of numbers. I'm pretty much tired of those girls.

[Talewinds]

Psssh, St. Louis girls...
Is she from "the Lou"? or is she a university transplant?

[scottmandue]

Best of luck Schumi...

Every person is unique... every relationship is unique...

I wish there was a answer... but in affairs of the heart... you place your bets and you take your chances.

But on the other hand noting ventured noting gained.

[porsche4life]

Send a few this way for the weekend. We will take proper care of them I promise.

[Schumi]

Originally Posted by Talewinds

Psssh, St. Louis girls...
Is she from "the Lou"? or is she a university transplant?

She is from the greater St. Louis area...

[mike monde]

Here is my simple rule...if you have to work to make it work, it isn't worth it.
Most successfull relationships requires compromise and understanding by both parties.
If her career or whatever is more important then you and you want more then she is willing to give then you are on the short stick of the relationship no matter how hard you work at it.
let her go and if it is meant to be and SHE wants it as bad as you, she will return.

[rammstein]

Whatever you do, don't actively look for love. It only comes when you aren't trying.

[Hard-Deck]

Originally Posted by rammstein

Whatever you do, don't actively look for love. It only comes when you aren't trying.

'Nuff said.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Wow... If you really want to you can make a long distance relationship work... I did for a while... Trust issues came into the picture though... She could do w/e and I was supposed to believe her... I couldn't do anything... I still think that if you both really want it to work and you both truly care for each other it will work. You just need to be able to trust each other and believe what the other is saying....

You're how old?

[The Gaijin]

I think you will be fine.


"...but after talking to her friend of 10 years and major confidant, I confirmed my hypothesis. Friend noted that she's an extremely busy woman, working a job while attending, and thats all rather stressful. The friend made the comment that it's ridiculous how we are the same person and how yes, yes indeed we were perfect for each other... but time and fate just aren't on our side...."


You have got to worry about her. She just may wind up single.. Lots of career women do these days.

[porsche4life]

Originally Posted by nostatic

You're how old?

I know.... Just thought I would offer up the advice having just come out of a 2yr relationship that the last year of was long distance.... I seriously think we would still be together if she was still down here...


Like I said though.... It could work if the girl isn't a mistrusting beyotch.

[scottmandue]

Just remember Schumi... "advice is worth what you pay for it."

My experience is that when you ask for advice on the Internet... whether it be about spark plugs or relationships the votes usually fall 50/50 yea/nay so in the end YOU have to decide what is best for yourself.

And while getting independent unbiased advice may not be a bad thing... you have to ask yourself where that advice is coming from... does that person have the same values and world view as you do?

That and...

When in doubt... whip it out...

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by nostatic

You're how old?

He's a mere pup, 'stat...18 or so.