CalTech would be my choice for Grad school. I would rather send our kids to a school with a decent football or basketball team for their undergrad education!

Sammy - please make sure caltech agrees with you and your family's values. My nephew graduated from there but would never return. His parents sent him without a lot of research because the kid was brilliant and they wanted him. He even got a scholarship that was not need-based. However, he couldn't wait to leave the people there.

His case may be unusual, I don't know. But Todd's comments reminded me of some of the things he used to tell me when he was there in the late 90's.

Not disinformation as far as I'm concerned...

Around here the private schools are generally regarded as being first rate.
If I had kids and could not get them into parochial school then it would be the local privateers.
No doubt about it. I have cousins that went that route, private and parochial, and they are head and shoulders above the rest of the family as far as their education goes.

If I were a parent considering a private school i would want to see where the teachers at the school got their teaching degrees from. How many have masters degrees, doctorates, etc.

Again, if I were a parent (I'm not and won't be for some time, but still... IF).. I would want my child being educated by someone that worked as hard through college as I did. Someone as smart as I am. Or else I would feel like the child was getting cheated a bit. I want my kids to be smarter than me (shouldn't be hard :) )

The public school I went to? Great place, friendly community even though it was a large school, no violence problems, good discipline when needed... but the teachers were dumb as buckets of sand. Why? because many of them actually graduated from that same public high school 10-15 years earlier. Or a public highschool nearby. And I've seen some members of my own highschool class who have gone to community college and then get jobs as teachers at our old school.... and they aren't the bright ones. they were the middle of the road, hometown-hangout kinda people who never had any real aspirations. Because of this, the school is self-perpetuating. A girl I know, and who I was good friends with in high school, is working on her secondary teaching degree taking night classes at the local community. She wants to be a teacher at our good old HS. She's a great girl... but I would not want her teaching my kid 9th grade literature. No offense to hear but.... c'mon.

I don't think you will find that in private schools.

And maybe I'm just uppity. But I just the best for my hypothetical children.

It is fine to read all sorts of generalities about public and private schools, but you have two specific schools in front of you. Namely, the private school where your wife may work, and the public school in your area. Why don't you go compare them? Tour the schools, meet the teachers, watch the kids, examine the test scores, talk to a bunch of parents, and make your decision based on the actual facts applicable to your situation.

It is not true that a private school will always be better than a public school - there are some excellent public schools and some mediocre private schools. The quality of different levels of school can vary, from elementary to middle to high, in the same school district. Reduced tuition does not mean free tuition (e.g. at our school tuition is $13K/yr and staff gets a $5-6K reduction), plus at many private schools the parents are expected to donate money and time.

The safety and behaviour issues that people fear in public schools exist in private schools too, although sometimes less so (e.g. you'll find sex and drinking and drugs there too). And these are mostly an issue in high school, not in kindergarten and the lower grades.

In either case, if your child is truly gifted or even simply very smart, he will probably not be challenged enough in either the typical public or private school. You will need to do more. Some friends of mine, whose son was gifted, deliberately put him in the local public school but in the Spanish immersion program, so that he would be really challenged.

I'm fine with private schools, my kids go to private school, but I'm making sure that they get a very good education.

You live by any of these places? americas-best-high-schools-2010: Personal Finance News from Yahoo! Finance

The list linked above is a bit tainted. Yes they are public schools but they are magnet schools or charter schools. They are much like a private school and sometimes even harder to get it to. Some of the worst high schools in Tampa get a boost because the school board puts the International Baccalaureate program on the campus. Of course the IB students have no contact with the other kids on campus.

And just to clarify a bit - I love Caltech. It is one of a very few truly special universities in the world. I would not hesitate to suggest it for graduate studies (if your ego can deal with it - we had a 25% attrition in our incoming class). The climate for undergrads however has issues, particularly in areas of socialization. There are certain kids who do fine and can thrive there. I had quite a few of them in classes I TA'd for. But it also can easily crush other kids, and I think would likely warp a 14 year old.

All colleges - all *schools* have their own issues. The trick is to match the student to the school.

As for exposing HS kids to drug culture, in LA there is a particular elite private school that is incredibly bad on that count. And it costs about $35K/year.

Unless the kid has a few friends going there it is going to be a tough sale. High School is important but unless the kid is going Ivy League or is a wizbang student, let them hang with friends, demand excellent grades and make them do a sport or extra activity every semester. At the end of the day, which school you go to (including college) has less to do with success than your overall work ethic and ambition...

I think the best advice given here so far is to do a factual comparison between the two schools you have to choose from. The second best advice is to see what your son wants. However, since he's only four, so you'll probably have to make the decision for him, until he's older.

I'm a product of both public and private schools. I think it's fairly safe to say that I was one of the bad seeds in fairly good upstate NY public school. I did not play well with others, to the point of being kicked out of public school. My "inability to play nice" was mostly a direct result of being bored out of my mind and being one of the "poor kids” that lived between the nice neighborhoods. I hated the school and just about everyone in it and let is show.

Luckily, I have very understanding parents that would do anything to help me succeed. That meant finding me a private school (no public school would take me). I hated the idea of going to a private school with even richer and snobbier kids. Long story short, private school was the best thing for me and I loved it. I never had to open a book or put in any effort in public school and I still was a fairly solid "B" student. I had to work hard and actually study in private school. I spent about an hour or two a night studying to maintain a B+ / A- average in boarding school. I came out with a much better understanding of life and what it takes to succeed than I ever would have in public school.

I recently completed the same journey that you're about to undertake and my 3 yr old daughter is in private school. We compared many of the public pre-school options and a number of other private schools in the area. The most convincing piece of data that we collected was asking the public school, which pre-school produced the best prepared students for an education. Every elementary school had the same answer - that confirmed our decision. Once my son is old enough, he will also go to that school.

However, that does not mean our kids are destined for a life in private school. Our near term plan is to move to a town w/ one of the better public school systems in the area. Once the kids have graduated from their current pre-school, we will try public school and see how that "fits" for the kids. If they do not like it, we will explore other options. The important thing is to remember, the best school in the world, still may not be the best school for your kids. Find what works for them and they will find success.

Sending a kid to college at 14 y/o has some issues. I went to college before that, and by 14 y/o I'd partaken of most every vice you might imagine. It worked out fine but it could have gone the other way. On the other extreme, I also knew other very young college kids who were rather isolated and maladjusted.

Neither of my kids will be skipping grades, and if you have a really good high school I don't see the need. In the (public) high school my daughter will start next year, the kids can go beyond differential and integral calculus in the high school, and can take more advanced math classes at the nearby college if they wish - they can do most foreign languages at a fairly advanced level and can also go further via the college - similarly in other subjects like physics and chemistry - and they can earn an International Baccalaureate. I don't expect my kids to get bored there.

My little guy goes to a private Christian school. The public schools around here suck. I got my fill of lazy dishonest teachers, violent thugs roaming the halls, overcrowded classrooms, & sub par curriculum in the public schools my daughter attended.

One of my HS classmates was a kid who skipped multiple grades along the way. My mom knew his as he went to the elementary school where she taught. He had social issues in HS and ended up as a drug addled mess by his early 20's. I think he died before he hit 30 iirc.

Kids skipping grades usually is more about the parents than the kids. There are exceptions, but my mom dealt with this a lot. She taught at one of the best public elementary schools in San Diego (in Del Cerro - mostly doctors, lawyers, etc lived there). Most of the time it was parents pushing the kids to skip grades. The academic variation of the rabid sports dad who forces the son to become a (insert sport here) star.

In today's world, there are so many digital sources of information and learning, any kid can keep themselves intellectually challenged. Or even better...learn a musical instrument or paint or draw. For the geekiest/brainiest of students, learning to make art will probably serve them better than skipping a grade or taking another math class.

I grew up in Ann Arbor, MI. I ended up going to a private Catholic high school because I was bored do death at the local public school. The teachers didn't give a schit. There were a few good eggs, but most were simply there taking up space and trying to not get in trouble. Some were so stupid it was amazing they could drive. I discovered that the day went much faster if you were stoned out of your mind. I then discovered that it went even faster if you simply did go at all.

My parents put me in a local Catholic School (Fr. Gabriel Richard). Thank god (says the atheist) . It wasn't a strict school, and probably about the same academically. But the teachers cared, and there was a real community. You weren't just going to skate along and screw up and not get confronted. Moreover, we had religion classes. These classes were actually philosophy classes in disguise. Sure it was a catholic school, so you learned about Christianity. But you also learned about other religions, and had fantastic discussions about morality and ethics. To this day I remember how much I loved those classes.

I am an atheist. My wife is Hindu (a pretty weak one.....). But we send out daughter to the local catholic school. Its an expensive private school ($16,000 this year for kindergarten!), and we do wonder if we are making the right choice. But we want our daughter to be a decent person, and we don't want her educated in an environment were the words, 'God, Ethics, Morals', can't be spoken. I think religion is a bunch of baloney, but thats my life. My daughter is going to have here own path. I want her to have the skills to be a decent person. And if that means that she ends up being a devout Catholic, then I don't think we're exactly bad parents, yes?

BTW, the local elementary school has 3 sections of kindergarten this year, with 30 kids in each class, and no teachers assistants. Is that even legal? Are day care centers allowed to have a 30 to 1 ratio? Yikes.

That was the best part about my private school. You simply would not get out of there before you knew how to write and do math. There was no skating. You did it until you mastered it and if you failed, you got kicked out.

We tried to get the public school to hold our daughter back. They won't do it. They didn't want to upset thier numbers. She been in private school ever since. You have a problem or need to know something from your kid'd teacher at a private school and they give you thier home phone and cell number. You directly pay these teacher's salary, they will listen to you. Not so with public schools.

Great perspective. My father and his brother were/are so stupidly smart it annoys me that their talent skipped a generation.

Bored as they were, they turned their energies into cars and boats, built them nearly from scratch. Motorcycles as well.

We were enjoined to skip both our kids. The answer was no. Homework done? Go fish, ride, wander the farm, draw, find lint. The whole notion of "gifted" was frankly a notion I refused to let creep into their little craniums. I made sure they had pedestrian, Manual Labor is Not a Cuban Jockey stuff to do.

My son is a very good musician. I tell this story because it is telling: He had a band concert a few weeks ago, he plays very, very well.

On the ride home I told him how cool it was to watch him play. "I'm bored with this BS, Dad...I see it on the first pass and have to play the eff'ing song a thousand times so some of the others can get it right. I want to quit."

My response was unless he is planning on getting his own place, he'll play the next two years, period. There are lessons to be learned in the margins, much to be garnered from being a part of team.

Sorry for the diatribe. They are great kids.

While I have no desire for kids, I have to think the most satisfying thing in the world for me (as a father) would be to watch my kid play music well in front of others. That is one skill there is simply no way around other than hard work. Some have to work harder than others at it, but there's no skating there either. If you play well, you damned well earned it and went through the exercises of self-discipline, learning, practice, muscle memory, etc. to get there and keep getting better. It's the one thing no one can ever take away from you. Lose your job, your gf, whatever, you still have music. Lose your hands and you still have your ears and can appreciate music so much more than those who never learned how to make it.

This is perhaps the best lesson that a gifted kid can learn. The world does not travel at your speed so you have to learn to deal with it. Figure out some way to cope and move forward. If you just quit because others are lagging behind then you will quit everything. No group activity moves perfectly in concert, and the whole is greater than the sum of the parts when the individuals figure out how to throttle back when they need to and how to push the others when that is required.

And the reality is that while he might "see it" on the first pass, he actually won't see the subtlety until the 5th or 15th or 50th pass. And sometimes it only is illustrated by the mistakes of others.

Patience is a virtue and a pita.