Thought of you, Dueller, when I saw these two jokes e-mailed to me, today.


Q: What can a man do while his

Wife is going through Menopause?


A: Keep busy. If you're handy with

Tools, you can finish the basement.

When you're done you'll have a

Place to live.


Q: Someone has told me that

Menopause is mentioned in

The bible. Is that true?

Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:

"And Mary rode Joseph's a$$

All the way to Egypt .."

Good luck, buddy! Thank god my other half is 17 years younger than I!

Hahaha! I'm 46 and haven't started this era of my life. I'm hoping to mitigate it as much as possible through diet, exercise, exposure to sunshine, whatever I think will work when the time comes. I really don't feel qualified to offer a suggestion to help on this one. If I did have a good idea, I'd definately throw it out there for Dueller.

In the meantime, I've always taken responsibility for my occasionally bat shyt crazy behavior. I do not blame my own tendencies on hormonal fluctuations. http://forums.pelicanparts.com/suppo...eys/witch1.gif

In short, if my behavior is inescuseable, then I have no excuse.

angela

Guys (and of course Angela) you are all an amazing resource. As I stated in my first thread you've provided sanity, perspective and humor in the past. And you haven't let me down this time.

One thing I that is beneficial in these whine sessions of mine and your comments is to become more introspective and really take a look at my own psyche. And I see a bit of a co-dependent personality trait I need to personally address; i.e., I always want to be the white knight, the fixer, the person that takes care of everyone else, solves all the problems...and who gets really frustrated and angry when I can't deliver or get the kudos I think I deserve, personally and professionally. While I can be compassionate and understanding, I've got to realize I can't fix everything/everyone...ain't my job....above my pay grade.;)

In the process I lose sight of taking care of me oftentimes...and that exacerbates the problems in a relationship. As a trusted friend recently responded when I asked what he thought I should do, he responded: "Jimmy...I can't tell you what to do. But if I were in your shoes I'd put my left hand on the wheel, my right hand on the shifter, my feet on the pedals and drive my own car." Simple, succinct and far more profound than you might think at first blush. And that advice can be appropos literally or metaphorically depending on the situation.




PS: Snipe...even you have helped.;) I spent my 40's decade having a ball and cutting a wide swath. Wouldn't trade it for the world. But at this stage enjoying what's left of my life and my relationship is also something that's jsut as important. You may get there...you may not. Not important either way. The important thing is that I have no doubt you'll be driving your own car.:D

throwing the cat at me..... priceless!

Yup. Just because there's a problem doesn't mean you need to solve it. This is a very difficult one for folks like you Dueller.

Indeed. Every been on a plane ride? The Flight Attendant tells parents travelling with children to put the mask on themselves first, then the child. Unconscious parents can't help children. Your first responsibility is to yourself.

Its about loving someone more than yourself.

My take is that you are too logical and need to be more empathetic. This doesn't mean abandoning dealing with the issues. I have read all of your travails Mr Dueller and one thing abides. It maybe that she doubts your 'deep down' affection/love for her. You may demonstrate it by being the provider/lover etc etc, but I get the feeling its some sort of existential angst she's feeling and needs your understanding in some type of 'being there/listening way'( and maybe not relentless logic.) This is a dilemma because being a reason/logic driven man you may feel bereft taking a more emotionally based approach.

Exactly! Don't fix or solve. Just listen and empathize.

Good point Apollo...but in my own defense I have tried to be there for purely passive emotional support. And I do think there are some deep scars from the past she has chosen not to deal with or share with me. Ignoring them or supressing them is her way of coping apparently. I do know in her past she has dealt with conflict by completely walking away and never addressing underlying issues. She seems quite content with this simplistic approach.

Ignorance (or denial) is apparently bliss.:rolleyes:

Be careful with that. That is a major issue here as well, and when it builds up enough it all comes out at one time. Not pretty, at least under my roof.

Rick is anything pretty under your roof?

Let me give you an example. One of her closest friends has shared with me that she thinks my wife is unhappy. When pressed as to why she tells friend "Well Jim is just an a-hole." The friend tries to get a more concrete example of why she feels this way. She just shuts down and changes the subject to something more superficial. Within minutes she professes how much she loves me and the wonderful things I do for her.

How do you deal with someone who is convinced you're the sole source of her unhappiness? And hormonal? AND schizo?:D

Its as if she has no insight into her own psyche much less mine.

I think I might need a "trip" to Kalifornia , tooo

Actually the wife is, but you know what they say about beauty

I know this one....

"Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder."

Lots of experience on this board. I guess I'll throw in my 0.02 (probably 0.02 more thanit's worth).

I wonder how it would go to approach the problem by trying to find out what would make her happy instead of spending so much time on why she is unhappy? Hmmmm....what could I do differently that would make you happier?

I have always tried to be the "fixer and problem solver" at my house. Over the last few years I have learned that sometimes it's better to just sit and listen and nod in agreement every now and then instead of trying to come up with a solution or fix everything. It does throw a kink into my desire to check off the mental "ticky-marks" for marking tasks complete. I always want to know exactly where "done" is for the task. I like to finish and be complete.

What is hilarious is that if you look at my garage, my car, or my little home office area you'd never believe I like to finish anything. Too many irons in the fire......

You need to man up and tell her to go F*** herself. Mentalpause does not exist unless it's to the advantage of the pauser. Ask any woman. The change has nothing to do with her ability to do anything and simply mentioning the subject proves you are a worthless, self-centered moron. Hen pecked is what it used to be called. Why do you think they invented prostitution? You know why prostituion is so lucrative? It's because it's the cheapest sex there is-and it's worth every penny. The woman is dragging you into her psychotic torture chamber and here you are trying to figure out how to make her feel better, blah, blah, blah. Tell her to stuff it and start packing your bags. Or STFU and go hide in the garage. Her friend thinks she is unhappy? DUH. Of course, you're happy as clam right? It's your fault. It's always your fault. Always will be your fault and always has been. There's plenty of cats in the alley. Cheap, too. Cheaper than the price you're paying. "Passive emotional support." WTF is she giving you? It ain't passive and it ain't support but it sure as hell is emotional. Give it right back to her or STFU.

Lmao!!!

Jim,

People (especially women) aren't REQUIRED to tell you "WHY" you're an a-hole.

For a woman, "Jim is an a-hole"

actually means:

"When we have arguments, Jim wins."

And that's where you need to understand female happiness and bury that urge to WIN.

Win the battle, lose the war, or whatever.

Jim,
I suggest you and your wife read "Female Brain Gone Insane" by Mia Lundin. Trust me on this it is required reading for both of you.

I would suggest you start drinking heavily. Doesn't she own a bar? The answer is RIGHT THERE!:D