Impulsive Suicide Question
 

Another thread got me thinking. I have a question for you guys. Or at least......I wonder if anyone here understand what I'm about to report:

I've never had a serious suicide thought in my life. Sure, I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I've never considered suicide. Maybe it has to do with my problem of not feeling, and not caring about my feelings, as I reported in a thread here a few months ago. At any rate, I just have never worried about my own suffering, and so I have never considered ending the suffering. I digress.

I have a fear of heights, but that's not the reason I will not walk to the edge of the roof of a tall building. The reason I will not walk to the edge of a tall building is because I am afraid I will jump. It's not that I want to kill myself. The reason I feel like jumping is hard to explain. I see the opportunity. I realize that jumping is something that, in a flash, with little effort, I could easily accomplish. And I feel a sort of impulse. If I were to jump, it would truly be just a random, senseless thing. Purely senseless and impulsive. But the impulse is there. I once met someone who understood this impulse. Anybody here?

I would talk to a shrink about that, if you haven't already.

Hear you loud and clear.

I don't have a fear of heights but I intentionally avoid high places for exactly the same reason.

My wife and family are aware of it and generally "keep an eye" on me when we are in environments that might be an issue for me.

Strangely it seems to be a rush thing for me.

Back in the day when my knees, back and shoulders still worked and I could still ski as aggressively as I prefer to I took every opportunity to jump off stuff.

Jim, I understand where your are coming from. In the late'40's, standing on the edge of Niagara Falls with my parents, and watching the water rush over the edge, I had that feeling. Obviously, I did not act on it. The spot that I was standing on no longer exists, as it eroded away, along with the guard rail, many years ago. i think that, in these days, the observation point and guard rail would not be built as close to the edge as then.

Best,
Tom

Honestly, to me, i relish a certain degree of pain and suffering in my life.

Pain and suffering are both clear indicators that you are still alive. And alive is what i want to be.

As far as high places, i do not like heights. I stay away from the edge because i don't want to fall. I've rappelled and all that sort of thing in my youth, but it was never easy to do. I just told myself, "This is top flight equipment, and is safer than driving," as i took the final step off the roof.

If you jumped then that would prove to yourself that you have conquered your fear? Is it a way that one tries to heal thy self?

jumping can be interesting..
but do plan the landing..

our crew-chief having some fun with a new Dr. on board..
having just landed at Scott & White Hosp. roof pad..
he flings open the door..
and runs screaming right of the roof..
poor Dr. about died..
looking over the edge he finds Troy laughing in the safety nets..
got'ya Doc.

Rika

I can't relate because I don't know that I've ever felt that temptation or impulse, but it doesn't seem quite right to me.
Prolly might want to check with a pro on that just to be on the safe side.

I think I understand. Had a convo with a buddy about swerving into oncoming traffic but he didn't get it. More engineer minded folks get it. I think it's about the action itself and not about wanting to end your life. Kinda like analyzing the action or process. Or what could/would you do on the way down.

Side question, sort of... do you procrastinate? Do you operate best under pressure?
I sometimes find I blatantly put off stuff till the very end and then bust my hump to get it done on time.

And I could never commit suicide. It's by far, the ultimate act of selfishness. Calling it anything else is flat out ridiculous, IMHO.

I probably shouldn't weigh in on this thread for fear of being committed, so I will keep it simple: I completely understand your point . . . but love walking to the edge. It's like one of those deep breaths that only come along every so often to clear your head.

Supe, the reason you believe you will jump is because you know what will happen.

You are Superman. It would go like this:

1. Jump
2. Whoosh
3. Over the nearest tall building.

Any questions?

Totally understand it. Sometimes when driving on an overpass I wonder what it would be like to take a quick left turn and fly off the road. Or pull into oncoming traffic. Or drive off a cliff. Or a Norm for that matter.

I've thought plenty about suicide. 30+ years of insomnia, anxiety, over-work, and being a twisted/frustrated creative will do that to you. I don't because of Calvin. Since I pretty much don't have any other family there wouldn't be that much burden on others but totally unfair to him.

Only thing that keeps me sane is music. One reason I'm back gigging my butt off again. Life is short and you're dead for a long time. The time to play is now.

Saturday night at Dakota Lounge - killed with our set, crowd demanded an encore, promoters want us back next month. That keeps the demons quiet for awhile...

http://nostatic.com/photos/idc-1may-5.jpg

Todd, which one is you?

Best,
Tom

I understand... but more often I dream of just walking away from it all. Get a canoe and some survival gear, heading down the river network to the gulf. From there skirting the shore down to South America and stopping in some spot where people aren't. At least, that's what I imagine happening.

I'm voting the guy in the tie in the back center.

I think that stuff may have crossed my mind once or twice, but it was more of a what if sort of thing, and I don't think I was afraid that I'd actually do it. I think I've wondered similar stuff about other folks, but I'm not afraid that I'll pursue that either.

I'm not a doctor and did not sleep at a holiday inn last night, but looking through a couple of sites on phobias it looks like this particular pairing (acrophobia accompanied by an urge to jump) is quite prevalent.

yeah, I was doing my Pino Palladino impersonation

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Better yet, say hi to that cute singer for me!


(Todd, what you said, you aren't alone)

I've never wondered about the jump... I work at heights frequently... I've dropped enough tools to see what it would do to me...

They've installed this nifty cable barrier in the center median of I40 on my commute.... I thought about putting my VW in that stuff more than I would like to imagine....