ISP's still using the same tired tactics.
 

Went to cancel my old ISP.

The same old, same old; they can't just say OK, sorry to see you go. Kept me on the line trying to sell me more crap (in broken English, spoken VERY fast,) using tactics that would embarrass used car salesman.
(Them: "Okay, your account will be closed July 3, then you will only owe $4.95 a month to hold your old email address"
ME: "What? No, I want you to close my account now and I want written confirmation"
Them: "But then you would lose your old email address")

On and on like that for 15 minutes.

With a young woman who learned English in her native India about a month ago.
WHAT. THE. FUCH.? AOL did the same thing years ago; I thought there were some regulations these days. They just want you to finally get exasperated and say OK to anything, just to get off the line. I was at the point where I was going to hang on all day, because there was no way I was going to do this again - much like going through nicotine withdrawl.

Sometimes I hate modern life. (But I do like my DSL!)

Oberst! You're in Portland! Talk to the folks at Drizzle.com. They have been my ISP for many years and have dealt with Qwest and DSL and others for me when I have any problems. They speak fluent Orygunian as it is their first language.

Best,
Tom

I forgot to mention, maybe they would deal with the old ISP on your behalf.

Best again,
Tom