reality is perception, or how i learned to laugh at the bomb
 

I don't know about your life, but it has been a crazy 2010 so far. Certainly some high moments, but they seem to be drowned out by persistent cries of doom and gloom (go read PARF some time...or better yet, don't). Of course there are reasons for the pessimism. I won't go into the global or national issues - a quick scan of google news will give you a belly full of woe. I'm sure we all have challenges on the personal front. A boss undergoing radiation and chemo, a friend who is upside down on their house, the stress of wondering if another project will get funded at work so that there will be a job six months from now. We've all got variations on that laundry list.

But I was struck when reading the article I posted about the softball teams. The Buddhists frankly are right - reality is what we perceive it. Or more to the point, we chose how we react to that "reality". The phrase, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" comes to mind. A silly platitude? Maybe. But in a world where we have precious little control over events, shouldn't we be exercising our choice where we can instead of fulminating over the things that we can't even touch?

I struggle with anxiety attacks, so I've spent a fair amount of time trying to sort out the why/how of the process, and how to combat them. And a big part is the reality/perception issue. For instance, even if I *do* have some terrible disease, is there anything that I can do about it at 4am? Will developing a lather and playing out a melodrama of doom in my mind in any way, shape, or form benefit my current state? Of course the answer is no.

Does that mean we blindly accept whatever is given to us? Of course not. I'll invoke the essence of the serenity prayer - grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And even with that, for the things we cannot change, do we grouse and complain about them, or laugh at them?

Fear is probably the most powerful force for evil in the world. It causes people to turn against each other, and people to essentially turn against themselves. The world is most certainly messed up. But it always has been, and always will be. You can either greet it with a smile and a laugh, or a frown and a complaint. Neither will necessarily solve the problem, but the former might make at least buoy those around you and lighten the load. The latter only seems to beget more frowns and complaints.

And now, back to trying to get work done...

So you are having some cognitive dissonance over what's happening around you. You want to tell yourself; it's all cool ... same shjt, different day. BUT, reality is screaming at you; Not this time. --So you find ways to dismiss reality.

Is that pretty much it?

I can tell you, we have lived in some unusually good times. History tells us that indeed times DO change.

Oh, and Fear; it helps save your skin. Think back to your motorcycle time.

I think you're both over-simplifying. The world around us, both close to us and distant, is far more complicated and complex that we could ever imagine. There's an endless amount of things to be happy about, things to be sad about, things to be angry about.

I think Todd's point was that your perception of what surrounds you colours your disposition. It's important to recognize the good, because it's all too easy to recognize the bad. Doing so can bring some peace and harmony into your own sphere of the world, whereas otherwise it could seem hopelessly frustrating. The baseball story is a great example. Curling up on the couch to watch a movie with my daughter yesterday is another good example.

Nostatic, I like your sentiments, but islands are probably more in line with reality.

I struggle with anxiety attacks, so I've spent a fair amount of time trying to sort out the why/how of the process, and how to combat them. And a big part is the reality/perception issue. For instance, even if I *do* have some terrible disease, is there anything that I can do about it at 4am? Will developing a lather and playing out a melodrama of doom in my mind in any way, shape, or form benefit my current state? Of course the answer is no.

Does that mean we blindly accept whatever is given to us? Of course not. I'll invoke the essence of the serenity prayer - grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And even with that, for the things we cannot change, do we grouse and complain about them, or laugh at them?

If you had a terrible disease, as in your example, there very well may be something you can do to help yourself at 4 am. Research it some more on the Internet, for example. Think of your treatment options, which has the best chance for success. Many people have a clarity at 4 am that they don't have during the day. My guess is when you are awake thinking of things, it isn't just an exercise in mindless pity. Your mind is active because your searching hard for the right answer. And that's how the right answer is usually derived.

"Accept the things I cannot change" what does that mean? Yeah, you can't change economic policy in Washington. But that doesn't mean you simply sit back and "accept" it, as though it doesn't exist, or convince yourself that since you can't change bad things, they don't matter, or are good things.

Lots of things that you can't change still have a great effect on your life, and an accurate assessment of those things is important to your personal decision making going forward. At least it is to most people who have things to lose, or have family who depends on them. It effects many personal things, career decisions, long term planning, savings and investment decisions, etc. Yeah, we have little control over world events, but ultimate control over our own personal lives.

A lot of people are good at cognitive dissonance, I don't view that as a great thing. A lot of people in this country have basically put everything on their "ignore" list, that's a big part IMO of how we've got to the position we are in. And, no, I don't believe this is a "gee, the US is messed up, but just like it's been before" thing. We have put the US in a position where major structural problems (and a major shift in political and economic philosophy) have now occurred, nothing like in the past.

I'm not saying that that a person should just accept whatever happens. But what I see from far too many people around this place and elsewhere is a constant stream of sturm and drang with zero constructive trajectory or outcome. It is one thing to live in reality. It is another to constantly spew negativity and drag everyone else down into one's own pit of personal bile. Life and the world is constantly changing. You do what you have to do and roll with the punches.

We live in pretty dang good times RIGHT NOW.

As my good friend Red Green would say, we are all in this together, let's look out for each other.

Yep.

Perception is reality...as my good friend Green Red used to say, "All we are is dust in the wind."

You can look it up. He was right.

"This world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel."

Horace Walpole (1717-1797) English art historian, man of letters and politician.

When I read this many years ago I inscribed it on a stoneware bottle that I've kept near my bedside ever since.

I see life as a tightrope that we walk, a tightrope to the unknown, on which we try to maintain a balance by balancing our intellect with our emotions; to lose that balance is to fall into the abyss, whether to one side, laughing insanely, or to the other, sobbing in despair.

Perhaps the abyss below the tightrope is all there is at its end, I don't know. But I'd like to find out, so I awaken each morning with the primary goal of maintaining that balance and treasuring every walking moment.

On mornings when what is going on in my life makes that difficult to do, a glance at that stoneware bottle helps ground me.

Without getting PARF'd up, the answers are in a book. Some folks struggle with the above questions, some folks know the answer.

Bad stuff happens. It's necessary. If we didn't have bad stuff we wouldn't recognize or appreciate good stuff. We need adversity in order to grow as individuals and as a race.
It all boils down to this:
When bad stuff happens how will I deal with it? Will I have the strength to deal with it, or will I struggle alone?

I believe we are only as happy or satisfied as our personality and attitude allows.
More money, more stuff, more "good fortune", more "temporary pleasure" doesn't make us happier. Not in the long run.
We are who we are and the fleeting fun we get from "things" is just that, fleeting.

The only sustainable long term happiness we get is delved from how we react and how we deal with adversity.

I also believe the following and "share it with" it to those I can influence either at work or in private life:
A person must have something to look forward to in order to be truly happy.

I call it the Elvis syndrome. If someone has every earthly pleasure and "thing" they can imagine, they realize that is all basically meaningless and shallow.
They realize they have nothing to look forward to, nothing to work for, no challenges to over-come. That is the saddest thing that can happen to a person. Chasing and putting too much value on mere possessions is a downward spiral to disappointment.

Self-improvement and striving to over-some challenges is what brings true happiness.
It's the chase, not the catch. Fighting for what you believe in, fighting against something or someone who is trying to have a negative affect on your life is a good source of passion.

Adversity is not something to fear, not something to run away from, it's something to meet head on. You either have faith in yourself or in something else that lets you know that you can deal with it, or you don't.

I'm a glass is half full kind of guy which makes me wonder how I've put up with my wife who's a glass is half empty kind of girl. I guess I've answered my own question.

As far as "that other forum" goes, many there use negativity as a tool to point out and reinforce how the values and beliefs of others are wrong or are turning out wrong. Both sides do this. I'm right because you are wrong and this is proof, etc.

Again, it boils down to convictions. I (and may others) truly believe our convictions are correct and if we fight the battle well against the evil, we will come out on top and all will be good in the world.
If we don't, we're all doomed ;)

if for no other reason, that forum is invaluable in that it allows up to honestly know our enemy.
I never realized just how screwed up the other side is until we had "that forum" ;)

Feel the love.

WOW sammy! NOW I understand why your posts are always brimming over with compassion, comfort and joy! :D

Oh, on that post, I am with you 100%

PARF is actually a fascinating example of that, and a fascinating thing to watch in general. It used to be an interesting place with some well balanced people sharing viewpoints.

It has now degraded into a handful of "mega posters" (I'd define as 20-25+ posts per day, pretty much 24/7) saying the same thing over and over again, almost all on the exact same subject. One side argues everything that Republicans do is bad, the other side argues everything the Dems does is bad. Same thing, day in and day out.

It is of course completely non-constructive, exceedingly negative, and changes nothing as far as policy, etc.

To put a finer point on your post, though, I would argue, that it is EXTREMELY detrimental to those few "mega posters." It just can't be healthy.

That's just an objective fact. When I looked at PARF on Monday, I noticed all the posts over the weekend. Out of curiosity, I looked at the posting history of one of the "mega posters." It's just a fact, he posted all day Friday in PARF, went through the afternoon, all the way through the evening. Same as Saturday. All night. And Sunday.

Spending your entire weekend, when you have a family, on your computer anonymously attacking a political party to try to "win" an argument on the off topic board of a retail car parts seller can't be viewed as healthy, in any way, shape or form.

In that way, I totally agree with your statement "But what I see from far too many people around this place and elsewhere is a constant stream of sturm and drang with zero constructive trajectory or outcome. It is one thing to live in reality. It is another to constantly spew negativity and drag everyone else down into one's own pit of personal bile." Very unhealthy, esp. when it completely takes over your life.

Well, somebody has to, umm, keep...tabs...on things! :)