Strange realization...
 

I separated/divorced about 9 years ago and I’ve had to raise my children on my own. Long story but basically my ex left me to be with someone else. (she’ single now)

So the years have passed. I'm 45 now and my girls are 20 and 21. My son is 14 and they’re all doing really well. I couldn’t be more proud of them.
I have dated some women and had a couple of girl friends but having my children always seems to be a problem.
Plus I have a demanding job so that doesn't make it easier.

So here’s the strange realization…

I’ve become really fussy. If a girl isn’t almost perfect in every way then I’m not interested. It seems I’m completely indifferent or immune to any of their charms.
I recently met a girl and she was nice but it just didn’t go anywhere. She was attractive but she had fake boobs and that just put me right off. WTF???

I hope I don’t sound shallow but if they aren’t beautiful and all that then I’m simply not interested. Also they have to have a career… And have their act together.

I can’t help but feel I could be missing out on a really nice lady because she’s not “perfect”.
I’m not perfect by a long stretch but somehow I over look that when I’m sizing up a potential “date.”

My life is great. I have a nice home, great job and things are good. I would really like to meet someone but it seems impossible to find a lady that measures up.

I wasn’t always like this… Anybody else have a similar experience?

"Perfect is the enemy of good enough."
~Kelly Johnson

Peter,

Smart is the only aphrodisiac I know of.

That and a tinge of...

At this point in your life, why do you need a woman at all?

I miss having someone next to me at night.

I'm not looking for a house maid or cook but someone I can relate to.

At this point just rent, don't buy.

Yeah, you miss it at some level.

But at age 45, at the end of raising a family, the "biological imperative" is largely gone now. The little head is "large and in charge" (pun intended) in your teens/twenties and he's not a particularly picky fellow. At 45 the big head has taken over, he's a lot more picky.

You have standards.... if you lower them you get a lower caliber girl but you get more options of girls and you'll still have the chance of getting the higher standard of girl... if you only want to be with girls that have a rating of 8.. then you limit yourself to 8's and above the choices will be limited but you'll have a better girl.... if you can stomach it to be with girls that are 4's, then you open your playing field alot more and you still have a chance of getting that 8 and above. and you still get to have fun..but you do have to maybe be seen with the 4's, and stand the rumors that you are a chubby chaser or ugly duck hunter... lol... just like what lm6y said... "rent, dont buy" but leave the option open to buy... lol.. but im sure there are plenty of beautiful,high caliber women in Australia to choose from. I plan on taking a vacation down there to find a wife...

If 5 is what's considered average, i stay in the 7+ range. I prefer 8+, but hey, sometimes you gotta eat what's on the menu.... ;)

Well if we're talking "numbers" the girl with the fake boobs was an 8...
Looked great but she worked as a waitress and that was all she wanted to do.
Her place was full of cheap steel framed furniture. I guess that's why the fake boobs put me off.

I mean she spent all that money on cosmetic surgery and yet she no real assets. :confused:

I think she was looking for a guy to "rescue" her.

She most likely considers the boobs to be her assests.

fakies seem to say "I have things I can't fix, so I'll try distraction"

Your refusal to accept anything other than "perfection" is the subconscious defense mechanism you use to distract you from your own fear that you're not "perfect" yourself. You're afraid women will reject you, so you reject them first.

In my experiance the best female I've ever met comes along about every six months. Don't be in too much of a hurry to settle for fakes.

She probably got fake boobs to make her shirts fit better...LOL.. (doubt it)... Maybe she's content with her life the way it is, with her being a waitress and steel frame furniture. To be honest I dont own much furniture myself, I sleep on an air mattress, but I'm content. Its just how I learned to live my life from being in the military and always moving around. She's probably content and happy with the way her life is right now. Besides who wouldnt want to improve their life or get better things if they feel they want to.
If they dont fit your standards why burn your own bridges, have some fun with and "play the game" with them... whats it gonna hurt... she probably just want to have fun to...

I bet if you wrote down the pros and cons of all the women you ended up rejecting, you'd see that you weren't being overly picky or put off because they weren't perfect... I bet you had perfectly good/legit/rational reasons. Try it... or just run through the list mentally.

For women that reject you because of your kid/s, you have to consider they might have had some bad experiences in the past with guys who "thought their kid could do no wrong" or something.

Give it time... don't beat yourself up for having discriminating tastes and/or seeing potential deal killers early... you're a smart guy. Women can be dicey... the really good ones are hard to find sometimes.

I went through the same thing after my divorce. I had "list" of what I wanted and what I wouldn't. We had no kids so it was easier for me but I stopped looking and then I met my wife.

If after a few dates it doesn't feel right, move on. You don't have to accept anyone's baggage just to have someone around.

I got very lucky when I met my 2nd wife. She was everything I was looking for in a companion. I wrote companion as that is all I was looking for. Just someone to do stuff with and hang out.

My first thought - aside from yes, you are too picky - is that you can't expect someone without kids to understand you & your situation. So have a look at women with kids.

Ian

Well you've come to the right place. This board is filled with guys that have committment issues (some have already posted above). Too picky is relative,, face it you've got a good life and anyone but someone that is a great fit will only screw it up.. So don't worry you're ok.
On the other hand,, you're way off base on the fake boobs thing,, in general after 40 years or so they all need to be "topped off" just so they don't hang around their knees

I don't have much advice for you, but sounds like you are one hell of a dad to raise those three kids on your own!

I don't mind a lady that's aging naturally. So the boobs thing isn't important. What is was that it was so important to her. Does that make sense?
Maybe I should just count my blessings and be happy.

You'd be surprised what you can do when you have to.

Some decent advise here, especially Wayne & Todd. But you know what, why don't you just relax? Your life is good and you don't need a woman right away - maybe never if you decide to rent permanently. The best advise I can give is to do things with women because you want to do things & enjoy life (sex included). Don't worry overly about your "list." If you approach the matter with the idea of being friends and doing fun things on a friendly basis (and be up front about that from the beginning), that will free you up to have a good time without worrying about attachments. I think out of that, you may run into someone you will realize you want to spend more time with and possibly consider something more permanent. I think Men & women spend too much time worrying about their "list" and about being seen with "dogs" (within reason) and not enough time worrying about doing fun things with people and enjoying life in general. For example, you might enjoy doing food activities (restaurants, wine tasting, cooking) with somebody who might be a little over weight for your list, but who knows a lot about it & you enjoy doing that type of thing with. Maybe you might like to go bike riding with somebody who is a bit more thin & muscular, & not as shapely as your list calls for, but who you enjoy biking activities with, etc., etc. Just get out there.

I'm picky too. 47 and married for 20+ years to a woman who after years of no closeness in many ways admitted she was never really in love with me. We did have two great kids. I've had two serious relationships since the divorce. The first lady was smart and sexy but her life was a bit of a mess. Adult children sucked her dry financially, she was helping everyone around her but herself. I cut ties assuming I was going to have to finance all of her rescue attempts for her family. I'm engaged now but it hasn't been easy. She is great, financially independent, etc. She has had a tough time with my kids who are 18 and 20. Her son is 11 and having teens around has been tough for her to adapt to. I've gotten close to calling it quits. My kids are awesome, one a sophomore in college and my youngest, a boy, is graduating high school in two weeks and off to college in August on an ROTC scholarship. She has had issue with how I've dealt with some stuff with my son. I don't need a backseat parent and have put my foot down. Either live with how I deal with my kids or walk. She had a big breakdown and says she doesn't know why she was trying to be controlling, blah, blah. I'm a bit skeptical but since everything else is going great I'll give it a bit more time.

There are times when I'd prefer to be by myself.......

Males should be more choosy.

Take into consideration:
1). There are 24 hours in a day. There are 7 days a week. There are 364 days a year.
2). An "perfect" orgasm lasts 5-15 seconds of time. The pursuit and completion of such is un-definitive, in any situation.

Which would you rather base your life around?