Ahahah! The 12 days of Christmas...

[Kierf - ¿§?]

I received this Sunday. I thought it was funny, so I'm passing it along...

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

December 14

Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE.
What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love,
Marsha

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December 15

Derest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine...TWO TURTLE DOVES!
I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift,
All my love,
Marsha.

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December 16

Dear John,
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't seserve such generosity...THREE FRENCH HENS!
They are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Marsha

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December 17

Dear John,
Today the postman delivered FOUR CALLING BIRDS.
Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Marsha.

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December 18

Dear John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered FIVE GOLDEN RINGS...one for every finger! You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,
Marsha

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December 19

Dear John,
When I opened the door, there were actually SIX GEESE A-LAYING on my front steps.
So you're back to the birds again, huh?

Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I can't sleep thorugh the racket.

Please stop.

Cordially,
Marsha

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December 20

John!
Whats with you and those ****ing birds!? SEVEN SWANS A-SWIMMING. What kind of god damn joke is that?

There's bird **** all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm such a nervous wreck.

It's not funny. Stop with the birds!!

Sincerely,
Marsha

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December 21

OK Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with EIGHT MAIDS A-MILKING? And they had to bring their god damn cows!

There is cow **** all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.

Just lay off me, smart ass.

Marsha

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December 22

Hey ****head!
What are you? Some kind of sadist?
Now there's NINE PIPERS PLAYING...and christ do they play! They've never stopped chasing the maids since they got here yesterday moring.

The cows are getting upset and they're stomping all over the screeching birds.

WHat am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours!!
Marsha

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December 23

You rotton piece of ****!
Now there are TEN LADIES DANCING. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long.

Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of ****. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shuoldn't be condemned.

I'm siccing the police on you.

One who means it!

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December 24

Listen ****head!
What's with the ELEVEN LORDS A-LEAPING on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again.

Those pipers ran thorugh the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They were trampled to death in the orgy.

I hope you're satisfied...you rotten, vicious swine!

Your sworn enemy,
Marsha

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December 25

Dear sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of TWELVE FIDDLERS FIDDLING, which you sent to our client, Miss Marsha Jones.

The destruction, of course, was total. All future correspondence should come to our attention.

If you should attempt to reach Miss Jones at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.

With this letter please find a warrent for your arrest.

Cordially,
William P. Smith, Attornet at Law
Lawyer's Office Building
Boston, MA