3rd good friend going through divorce this year...

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

Our 3rd good friend is going through a divorce this year. It's been very depressing to see what happens when a marriage fails, especially when your friend is hurting. I feel helpless and unable to do anything useful, but I still try and "be there" (whatever that means) for my friends. So far, this summer we've had 3 friends go through this and each time my wife (Beth) knew it was coming because she has excellent intuition and I have been dumbstruck because I never see this stuff coming. All said, I really appreciate Beth and when something like this happens to a friend, it makes me hug her a little more often and tighter. I still do not know how Beth puts up with me, but she does and I love her for that!

I know that many here have gone through divorces and my only experience was my parent's divorce when I was a child and our family is still scarred by it. What can I do to help? Any advice? Thanks, guys!

vash · vash's Garage

sucks.

you must be friends with both the husband and wife? both are hurting, no? or did one "wander" and is now happy as a clam..

no advice..good luck to everyone.

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

Each time, we've been friends with the husband, because they have been my friends, not my wife's although we know both husband and wife as well. Different circumstance in each, but 2 involved adultery on the part of the wife. Very painful...

sc_rufctr · 09-18-2010, 08:35 AM

All you can do is be a real friend. Let him lean on you a bit if he needs to but the best thing you can for him is help him move on and not waste time mourning a failed marriage.

I've been through it and I wasted years of my life mourning the loss of someone who just wasn't worth it.
That may sound bitter but believe me she showed me new heights of disloyalty and dishonesty.
She just did what ever she wanted with no regard for our children.
She's a hopeless drunk now. Gets smashed ever night of the week and she's alone. Truly tragic because our children watched this happen.

They've been with me full time for nearly 6 years now. (It's a realy long story)

I regret not getting on with things and not looking back.

What saddens me the most is how frequent marriages just fail. I see nothing but waste, heartache and disappointment.

Seahawk · 09-18-2010, 08:50 AM

First and foremost, never take sides...I have seen the most egregious couples, no two dissimilar individuals, get back together.

Do not get between that drama.

Platitudes work...his or her pain in the midst of a divorce filters out reason and sage advice. Your job, as a friend, is to comment on anything other than the obvious.

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

Paul, Peter and Cliff,
Thanks! Out of the 3 couples, there is still only hope for 1. The other 2 have moved on... All 3 guys are dealing with varying degrees of pain, regret, anger, etc... It's very difficult to watch your friends going through something like this...

Joe Bob · Joe Bob's Garage

Divorce.....it's worth it.

sc_rufctr · 09-18-2010, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Bob

Divorce.....it's worth it.

lols... I love my life now. My kids and I are happy and successful.

This may sound strange but I truly believe I was meant to raise them on my own.
So many good things have happened.

tab tanner · 09-18-2010, 06:10 PM

Thanks Art for your support

Joeaksa · 09-19-2010, 05:12 AM

Could be worse. Am having a rash of friend die or be killed this year. No, divorce is not involved.... yet.

Garp · 09-19-2010, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seahawk

First and foremost, never take sides...I have seen the most egregious couples, no two dissimilar individuals, get back together.

Do not get between that drama.

Platitudes work...his or her pain in the midst of a divorce filters out reason and sage advice. Your job, as a friend, is to comment on anything other than the obvious.

Paul nails it. Once did exactly that (taking sides) and we've sworn never to do that again. Never, ever.
It is a sucking feeling, I just heard news of the 3rd one this year as well. All of them, just like us, with three young kids.

LakeCleElum · 09-19-2010, 06:53 AM

As far as guys not seeing it coming:

Start reading her email and they will see it coming. Women talk and they talk a lot, especially to other women. Don't have her password, there are ways to get it........Friend of mine thought the wife was acting differently and did he ever get his eyes opened......

Groesbeck Hurricane · 09-20-2010, 04:15 AM

Art,

It is hard to be the friend in these situations. I know a few couples who are on the rocks. Most of the issues are money related and they can work it out. Two are simply horrible and the wives should leave, though only one of them has.

All I can say is to be there and listen when they need an ear. When going through mine a couple of decades ago there was nothing you could have told me. I just needed places to vent. Life got lots better VERY quickly. It was expensive, but worth every penny to get out of that mistake of youth!