Life As A Pilot
 

*22 years old: Graduated from college. Go to military flight school. Become hot shot pilot. Get married.

*25 years old: Have 1st kid. Now hotshot jock getting shot at in war.

Just want to get back to USA in one piece.
Get back to USA as primary flight instructor pilot.

Get bored. Volunteer for war again.

*29 years old: Get back from war all tuckered out.
Want out of military.

*30 years old: Join airline. World is your oyster.

*31 years old: Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the military poverty feeling.

*32 years old: Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support and maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for 2nd wife.

*33 years old: Furloughed from airline. Join military reserve unit and fly for fun.

Repeat above for a few more years.

*35 years old: Airline recall. More screwing around but looking forward to a good marriage and settling down.

*36 years old: Marry young spunky 25 year old flight attendant.

*37 years old: Buy another house. Gave first one to first wife.

*38 years old: Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again. Wife concerned about "risky" military Reserve flying so you resign commission.

*39 years old: Now a Captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy boat, small single engine airplane and even flashier cars.

*42 years old: 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but still wants to share house (100%).

*43 years old: Settle with wife # 2 and resolve to stay away from women forever. Seek a position as a flight check Captain for 10% pay override to pay mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air conditioners.

*44 years old: Company resizes and you're returned to copilot status. 25% pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override pay.

*49 years old: Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury apartment with central air conditioning.

*50 years old: Meet sexy Danish model on International trip. She loves you and says you are very "beeeeg!"

*51 years old: Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big house, boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars.

*52 years old: Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get vasectomy.

*54 years old: Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she's pregnant. She says she got sick after taking the pill. Accident, sorry, won't happen again.......

*55 years old: Father of triplets!

*56 years old: Wife #3 wants very beeeeg house, beeeegger boat and very flashy cars, "worried" about your private flying and wants you to sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You buy a motorcycle and join motorcycle club.

*57 years old: Make rash investments to try and have enough money for retirement.


*59 years old: Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS.

Have to fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with child support and alimony to wife #1 and #2.


*60 years old: Wife #3 (sexy model) says you're too damned old and no fun. She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You're forced to retire due to Age 60 rule. No money left.

*61 years old: Now Captain on a non-schedule South American 727 freight outfit and living in a non-air conditioned studio apartment directly underneath the final approach to runway 9 at Miami Int'l. You have "interesting" Hispanic neighbors who ask you if you've ever flown DC-3's.

*65 years old: Fail FAA medical. Take job as simulator
instructor. Don't look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim
in every god-forsaken town you train in due to the fact your carrier can
find cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X Airlines.

*70 years old: Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx crew
member goes off at 1:00 AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face.

*Ain't aviation great.

I was buying up to this point.

How is Normy going to know you have the room next?

And how are you posting if you're dead?

Hey, at least you have a story.

So many go thru liFe without one.

I thot about a cut & paste, sending this to my retired pilot friend...however, parts of it too close to the truth. Might make him uncomfortable...;)

I miss the flying part.

I don't miss damn nearly anything else about aviation though. Actually most of the other people you meet in the industry are pretty cool, but the schedules suck, the pay sucks, the lack of stability sucks and the constant feeling of being an expendible "fall guy" sucks.

But once the wheels are in the wells, it's the best job in the world. That part I miss dearly.

Pay can't be too bad if it's possible to afford alimony to two wives & get "beeg" houses, flashy cars & "beeg" boats, can it?

The schedule & lack of stability must really suck though...

Ahhh, but the flight attendants have a phrase about twice married pilots..."Married out". Not much money left for #3.

How do I know this? My retired pilot buddy stuck with wife #2, formerly a young flight attendant... Gotta admit, she's a cutie...;)

You CAN make good money. The operative word is "can". As in, for a little while. Occasionally. If you suffer eating Ramen and Spam for several years whilst living out of schithole layovers for several years that you split 1/7 with six other guys and which never get cleaned... ever.

The one truth I learned about the aviation industry is that the folks in it are absolute EXPERTS in the Art of Carrot Dangling... as in, "think of all the valuable experience you're getting so you'll be qualified to sit in the left seat of that nice shiny jet before too long flying 15 days a month off to exotic foreign locales for a six-figure paycheck..."

But that day all-too-often either never comes or comes for a few months/short years and then goes "poof". It's a very cyclical industry.

Still, it has its perks (think extended periods of time in close quarters with hottie ladies who are just as lonely and nuts as you are...)

You've really got to stay single to reap the benefits and enjoy the lifestyle of a pilot. Otherwise you are away when your kids grow up and your wife leaves you. I've been fortunate enough to figure out the lifestyle thing and got out of the industry (airline) at a young age and remain married.

Great story though! My neighbor was a PSA/USAir pilot, so I know what you mean with the captain/copilot downsize thing.

HAHA! People think there's poverty feeling in the Military, they should try 1st year in the airlines! In fact, the first five years pretty much suck.

saw that list of things a few years ago.

as for the money and quality of life thing, we're going through monumental changes in the industry as we speak. ...and it's all going down hill.

the whole structure of the industry is changing. bigger and bigger airplanes for less and less money to the flight crews. legacy carriers are switching focus to international routes, and leaving the domestic ops to airlines such as Frontier, Southwest, etc. Aging aircraft fleets are leaving a ton of airframes to be virtually useless. the market for 100-140 seat jets will be exploding (built by canadier or embraer).

it used to be that a regional pilot was flying a 19 pax Jetstream 31 for $23 an hour. Now they're flying 100 seat Embraer 190's for $23.

the days of being an airline pilot and living "the lifestyle" are over....

edit: for you non-aviation guys, remember....pilots can only "work" 1000 hours per year, but they're only paid per flight hour. We might work at 15 hour day, but get paid (credited) for 4.3 hours. After 1000 hours, you time out for the year.

used to fly a Jetstream 32 for $17 an hour, made captain on the 41 for $38 an hour and thought I made the big time. :eek:

I'm showing this to my 4 young 22ish CFI pilots at the school! so far, there on this path - the military part, so even lower pay.

the military part is the smartest thing they can do. ...and stay in. do the active time, and then go Guard or Reserve. Fly for Purple or Brown, or get a corporate job. Skip scheduled passenger service.

Thanks for the laugh, Glen! :) I've been in this industry for twenty years now and don't disagree a bit (although my wife has stuck it out with me through thick and thin ;)

I've seen this happen in progress. Even worse in a few cases.

I see it happening with a couple friends with no family drama so far in their late 40's.

"Proceed on course under your own navigation"

Funny yet quite sad.

Close. The best thing they really could do is join the Guard/Reserve in a unit they want, flying what they want, get a UPT slot, get a full-time position in that unit either military or civilian, then maybe a cargo/corporate/consultant after retirement.

well, maybe...but it appeared as though his sons were already going active duty. i have many buddies who are guard pilots, and getting a full time guard gig is very hard. most guard guys i know that got full time gigs had to transfer units to do so. (A-10's and F-16's).

you have a better chance of getting a guard slot of your choice if you have 10 years of active duty under your belt. guard slots have become wicked competitive in the last 3 years. ...plus at that point, at 10 years active duty, you have a good chance of being picked up by UPS (if they're hiring), and bypassing a crap regional/corporate gig.

at least you have this under your belt.
Meet sexy Danish model on International trip.
that doesn't happen to most guys.

i see you are in OKC. i am an FAA tech at MYR.
by any chance did you trane any of the terrorists or is that a bad Q? i heard they went through the flight school in OKC.

C'est la vie.