What's your opinion? Faux Pas at an 'adults/parents' party

[mikester]

So, I'm at a birthday party last night for one of the neighborhood's kids. I live in a 'small town' and most folks know most everyone else - especially if you're kids are within a grade or two of one and other.

For example, our town is so small we have two elementary schools, one middle and one high school.

Our town is so small, we don't have buses.

Seriously - everyone knows everyone. Barely a few degrees of separation from anyone. I was at the store the other night chatting up someone in line and mentioned my son's name and she said "Oh, You're so and so's husband'. 'Yep, that's me.'

Etc...

So, back to the party. It was a big deal, not the birthday part but the fact that it was an ADULT party with booze and music and NO KIDS. Everyone was drinking and carrying on and very late into the evening one of my wife's friends walks up to the keg and says to the guys who were blocking her way something to the effect of 'hey, what's a girl got to do to get a beer around here?' and the guy standing there, a local father says something to the effect of 'shake your tatas or something'.

Now, I'm not a prude and she was kind of drunk. She didn't get like really mad or something and no real scene was caused but she told her husband who I am also friends with and he was a little miffed. So he had a talk to him and basically just asked him to apologize to his wife. The dude kind of did but kind of blew it off once he seemed to be starting to apologize. The husband gets into it a little and then this dork's wife comes into the situation and basically wants to know what's going on - my buddy or his wife tells him and now SHE's PISSED at him.

Now I feel more bad for the dude...

So, I guess the moral of the story is - no matter how comfortable you are with friends - don't joke about their wife's tatas or something like that...

Now, mind you this was all of a speed bump in the party - maybe 9 minutes of interest and very few other people noticed it.

I dunno - I think that if I had my best friend said something stupid like this to my wife at a party, I'd be fine with it but some dude I barely know (this guy's wife we know but I only know this guy through his sister) would probably be asked to 'clarify what he had just said to my wife, because I didn't think I heard him right'.

It was a fun party.

[Geronimo '74]

Crossed the line a little bit I guess. Not enough to start a fight over though. (not in the situation that you described)
It sounds more like a poor attempt at humor that was a little out of place.
If the dude's married, then THAT is a line he crossed, IMO


I also wonder.
Do people that go and demand an apology for their SO really want an apology? Or are they hoping for a fight? Demanding an apology publicly is a bit humiliating and provocative, no?
I can't imagine a 150lbs, skinny guy go over and demand an apology from a 230lbs cagefighter.

[lisa_spyder]

What is wrong with people ...

The woman says "what's a girl gotta do to get a drink round here"...that evokes the standard "show us your tits" or similiar reponse every time...she would have known that.

Surely it was all just in fun and jest.

Her husband is a dick...and she should have told a little white lie to him about what was said in the exchange as she would have known how he would react.

How embarrassing...for all of them...

And now I'm off to share the rest of a very fine bottle of bubbly with my hubby... (and cook dinner for the hoards and masses)...

[Geronimo '74]

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

The woman says "what's a girl gotta do to get a drink round here"...that evokes the standard "show us your tits" or similiar reponse every time...she would have known that.
...

Sorry Lisa, I have to disagree with you on this one.

My respornse would be: "all a girl has to do is ask", and I would step aside so she could get herself a beer. Oh, and she would get a friendly smile too....

The only right answer in this situation, IMO

[slodave]

Um, G.... After she says that, you politely ask to fill her glass. That's the right answer.

[lisa_spyder]

Don't get me wrong Geronimo...

You would be welcome at a late night boozy party of mine anytime ...

But in these circumstances I would suggest the lady was having a bit of fun and the fella involved answered in kind.

Everyone was drinking and carrying on and very late into the evening

I really think this was just a bit of carry on...but I could be wrong.

If I had a buck for every time I set a guy up like this and girlishly giggled at his reponse I would be a rich woman.

Life is short...I don't want to take it all so seriously

Must be my wacky sense of humour.

[Geronimo '74]

Originally Posted by slodave

Um, G.... After she says that, you politely ask to fill her glass. That's the right answer.

Zingggg!! I get a lesson from the master!!
(If I knew the woman I would have, but a total stranger... hmm, too shy for that)

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

But in these circumstances I would suggest the lady was having a bit of fun and the fella involved answered in kind.
.

True true, she could have expected that answer. And she should have left her hubby out of it as you already said.

[mikester]

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

What is wrong with people ...

The woman says "what's a girl gotta do to get a drink round here"...that evokes the standard "show us your tits" or similiar reponse every time...she would have known that.

Surely it was all just in fun and jest.

Her husband is a dick...and she should have told a little white lie to him about what was said in the exchange as she would have known how he would react.

How embarrassing...for all of them...

And now I'm off to share the rest of a very fine bottle of bubbly with my hubby... (and cook dinner for the hoards and masses)...

Well, I know her husband and he's just not a dick. He's an easy going guy and he was less irritated by what the guy said and more irritated by how it made his wife feel. Just to clarify - he didn't just stomp over there and throw his gloves on the ground (you know, like in hockey right?) - he went over there and talked to the guy who in the end did not want to admit that he was a little further over the line than he should have been. And of course this has a lot to do with the person too - had he said that to one of the other moms I know there I'm certain she would have removed her top. CERTAIN.

It was funny to watch some of these girls start to cut loose, one of them was posing somewhat suggestive and her friend had a camera and snapped a picture. At first the poser laughed and then she literally STOMPED over there and made sure that picture was deleted. It wasn't worth keeping anyway...

[lisa_spyder]

Sorry Mike,

I didn't get the inference that the wife was feeling sorely treated here...I missed something there I guess.

I guess we Aussies are a little more laid back about this stuff...if I was a little under the weather at a party with a group of people I knew and said something like that I would expect the answer she got. I would know it was in jest and I would laugh it off.

But that's just me...

[mikester]

Originally Posted by Geronimo '74

Crossed the line a little bit I guess. Not enough to start a fight over though. (not in the situation that you described)
It sounds more like a poor attempt at humor that was a little out of place.
If the dude's married, then THAT is a line he crossed, IMO ( a faux paS, not paW )


I also wonder.
Do people that go and demand an apology for their SO really want an apology? Or are they hoping for a fight? Demanding an apology publicly is a bit humiliating and provocative, no?
I can't imagine a 150lbs, skinny guy go over and demand an apology from a 230lbs cagefighter.

I'm closer to the 230 than the 150 but last Christmas at our youngest's day care pageant thing that they do every year some dude got all uppity with my wife saving me a seat. I don't remember exactly what he said to her but he was pretty pissy. Again, SMALL TOWN...dude...I actually think he was an out of towner who brings his kid here. I digress, he was a little heavier than I but not in any better shape. I did have a few words with him about his attitude at this whole FAMILY function. I had no intention of 'starting' anything but I wanted him to know that I was aware of his ungentlemanly behavior towards one of his child's friend's mother. He did not apologize to my wife but he did look uncomfortable - which I'll take.

My wife wasn't doing anything wrong or against the rules so...he can f'off. But the way he spoke to her made her feel bad and I really don't like it when people aren't nice to my wife.

[mikester]

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

Sorry Mike,

I didn't get the inference that the wife was feeling sorely treated here...I missed something there I guess.

I guess we Aussies are a little more laid back about this stuff...if I was a little under the weather at a party with a group of people I knew and said something like that I would expect the answer she got. I would know it was in jest and I would laugh it off.

But that's just me...

Had she approached me and said that I probably would have thought one thing and said something polite but still funny.

[lisa_spyder]

There is nothing more delightful than a guy who can be a gentleman...and still flirt nicely .

I love it when fellas are polite and gentlemanly and have a little wicked half smile going on at the same time...

Look, I've got pretty tough skin. I have to - I've been a gal in a man's world for a long time now and I've had to learn to get along with them all.

A comment like the one this guy threw back at her means nothing to me. If he had pushed it further though...different story.

[Geronimo '74]

You were right to stand your ground in that situation, Mike.
But at that party, the husband should have just let it be. (like lisa said, the wife should have handled it differently.)


EDIT:

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

I didn't get the inference that the wife was feeling sorely treated here...I missed something there I guess.
...

+1
I was under the impression that she didn't mind too much, and she got her husband all wound up for nothing...

[lisa_spyder]

Originally Posted by mikester

I'm closer to the 230 than the 150 but last Christmas at our youngest's day care pageant thing that they do every year some dude got all uppity with my wife saving me a seat. I don't remember exactly what he said to her but he was pretty pissy. Again, SMALL TOWN...dude...I actually think he was an out of towner who brings his kid here. I digress, he was a little heavier than I but not in any better shape. I did have a few words with him about his attitude at this whole FAMILY function. I had no intention of 'starting' anything but I wanted him to know that I was aware of his ungentlemanly behavior towards one of his child's friend's mother. He did not apologize to my wife but he did look uncomfortable - which I'll take.

My wife wasn't doing anything wrong or against the rules so...he can f'off. But the way he spoke to her made her feel bad and I really don't like it when people aren't nice to my wife.

Yes indeed...this guy was one obnoxious piece...and you did absolutely the right thing. Different situation though to the one at the party.

[lisa_spyder]

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

There is nothing more delightful than a guy who can be a gentleman...and still flirt nicely .

I love it when fellas are polite and gentlemanly and have a little wicked half smile going on at the same time...

Look, I've got pretty tough skin. I have to - I've been a gal in a man's world for a long time now and I've had to learn to get along with them all.

A comment like the one this guy threw back at her means nothing to me. If he had pushed it further though...different story.

I should add that my husband has excellent radar . He pretends not to, but I know he does...he can sense when I have control of a situation (which is most times) and will leave me to deal with it my way.

[slakjaw]

Originally Posted by lisa_spyder

what is wrong with people ...

The woman says "what's a girl gotta do to get a drink round here"...that evokes the standard "show us your tits" or similiar reponse every time...she would have known that.

Surely it was all just in fun and jest.

Her husband is a dick...and she should have told a little white lie to him about what was said in the exchange as she would have known how he would react.

How embarrassing...for all of them...

And now i'm off to share the rest of a very fine bottle of bubbly with my hubby... (and cook dinner for the hoards and masses)...

+1000

[Rick V]

My wife would have "flashed" the guy, got her beer (which she doesn't drink anyway) and just walked away.
"Whats a girl gotta do" is always a joking line in an up beat social situation. If you can't handle the answers you shouldn't ask the questions.

[DanielDudley]

Many people never grew up from High School. You see it here all the time.

If you hadn't been there, you wouldn't care. Let them work it out. Personally, I always chock it up to the booze talking, and as people get older, many can't handle it as well as they used to.

One of the reasons many people drink less as they get older.

[azasadny]

Alcohol is the great "social lubricant" bit it also tens to bring out the "farging icehole" in people... I try my best to avoid it and those who over-consume it at parties...

[oldE]

'Hey, what's a girl got to do to get a beer around here?'

The standard answer to this is:
"Girls don't get alcohol, but Ladies do."

It really depends upon the crowd, how long and well they know each other and how they get along.

I've gotta agree with Lisa. If you're gonna 'play flirt', don't be surprised if someone says something you aren't prepared for.

I have learned to stay well below my limit. It helps keep my mouth out of trouble.

Older and wiser
Les