How do you give a 41 yr. old a kick in the ass?

[Rick Lee]

There's no point in blaming his wife, no matter what she did or didn't do. And there's no point blaming him just because he's old enough to know better. I've never dealt with anything like depression, but I do know that it affects (or is caused by) brain chemistry and you can't treat a victim like some misguided friend who will listen to reason and snap out of it.

I had a cousin who committed suicide after a combination of alcoholism and depression. She went on a bender, got a DUI, got out of jail and did it again the next day, this time causing an accident. She knew she was going to lose her security clearance then, her husband had already left her and so she knew she'd lose her job and house too. She saw suicide as the only way out. I remember driving by her house on the way to a Van Halen concert (with Phil, btw) and thinking to myself, "I need to give her a ring one of these days and see how she's doing." Next day she killed herself and I went over there to comfort her folks as the coroner was wheeling her body out of the house. Seeing a black body bag with someone you know inside really brings it home.

At this point, I honestly don't know how to even contact Phil other than send an urgent text message and hope he decides to respond in a week or so. I know one of his older brothers pretty well and a few of his childhood best friends, with whom I've hung on many crazy weekends over the years. I can call them, but then I'm worried it will get people too alarmed and possibly upset Phil further. Since I'm not nearby, I just don't have a great handle on the situation, though I'm pretty sure it's as bad as I've described it.

[bivenator]

So what if you get people alarmed Rick, its cool. It may be what would help rather than upset him further. Depression is tough, I've got a bipolar friend that has spiraled downward during the past 3 years. Losing a job and a wife as well. He knows he is sick and is on meds, but sometimes he just doesn't care enough to take them sometimes.
Good luck, we are frustrated by the self destructive nature that we as friends cant seem to turn around.

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

.............I get bits an pieces from him, as he'll send long texts after a few drinks and I get the rest of the story from our mutual best friend who lives near him.

Huge red flag.

You say he's on meds for the depression.

Alcohol works against the meds, so he's stuck in quicksand of his own doing unless he stops drinking.

I've known people who are in his shoes.

He's got a mountain to climb to get back to normal, functioning, etc. with the meds.

Drinking is like adding a 150 lb. backpack to his struggle... he's simply not gonna make it unless he can ditch it.

[EarlyPorsche]

This ought to explain it perfectly to everyone posting: Let me google that for you

[RWebb]

call the brother & explain you don't have a good handle on the situation, why, but that you have some concern

[RoninLB]

i went through this with a friend a few months ago

"If you want to kill yourself, fine. Just don't embarrass your family. Take a ride to a Caymen trench and go diving."

utter worthless feelings and hating his life and got crazy loaded on booze or pills or both as much as possible

his first try blew out his pancreas for the most part

he's dead now and embarrassed his family and friends


Rick's friend needs a rescue asap

[Rick Lee]

I sent him a text last night, "Please call me tonight." That's like a foreign language for how we talk. We usually communicate in slurs, insults or quotes from Goodfellas ("You know you're a stutterin' prick, Spidah?"), no real insult intended. Just the way we do it and it's usually pretty funny. So I figured he'd take this one seriously.

Of course, he replied this morning that he had a cold and had taken some cold medicine and gone to sleep early, but would call me today. Sure. I'm headed out the door in 30 min. to Seattle for the rest of the week. I know he won't call and if he does, I'll be in meetings or out drinking with my boss. I'll try again this weekend before I call his brother.

[A930Rocket]

Don't give up. You'll know you did your best if something bad happens.