Two aliens land in Texas.........

[Rusty Heap]

Two aliens landed in the Texas desert near a gas station
that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps
and the younger alien addressed it saying,
"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.
Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated
his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying,
'You probably don't want to do that!
I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky young alien.
He aimed his weapon and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared
towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and
threw him in a burnt, smoking mess
about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed.
When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antennae, and looked dazedly at the older,
wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me!

How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler
on his crispy friend and replied,

'If there's one thing I've learned
during my intergalactic travels,
you never screw with a guy who can
loop his penis over his shoulder twice
and then stick it in his ear.'

[Targa Me]

Lol

[wdfifteen]

Good one.

[944Larry]

Like

[12own911]

[Rusty Heap]

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of *****es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of *****es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the beatch in the kitchen."