Good Comeback

[bivenator]

When I was working as a waiter in a country club many years ago, a couple of guys were bantering back and forth. We were setting up for a party so it was just us. These dudes were from the middle east and had thick accents. The one fella told the the other "Hey you can kiss my ass" and the other responded " You would have to shampoo it first"
To this day I think about that moment and still get a laugh. Anybody got a favorite comeback?

[Bill Douglas]

LOL, that's excellent.

[nynor]

"administration saw you at the nurses station, relaxing."

"i'll take that as a compliment."

[Bill Douglas]

everyone knows this one.

Well, Lady, you are ugly and I'll be sober in the morning.

[Hawkeye's-911T]

& this one as well...

Naw - it looks too much like your face!

[Red88Carrera]

When someone asks a question they shouldn't...

reply... "Didn't I tell you?"

Them... "No"

replay... "Then it must not be any of your ****** business"

Shocks them every time.

[gr8fl4porsche]

The most famous comeback in TV history,

"The Jerkstore called and they're running out of you !"

[lm6y]

Did someone just Fart? I thought I heard an ******* talking.

When someone lets one rip in the shop : Your voice has changed, but your breath is still the same.

[A930Rocket]

My buddy (6'-4'') had some short jerk get on his case about something while waiting for a table at TGI Fruday's. The guy was ready to fight, when my buddy told him to come back when "he starts shopping in the mens department". Everybody started laughing and the guy stormed out.

[Skytrooper]

When interrupted...

This is an "A"& "B" conversation, so why don't you "C" your way out of it.

or

"Are you writing a mystery ?, then why don't you leave this chapter out..."

[Tishabet]

My first ever job was working at a Lutheran summer camp in nh. It was a co-Ed sleepover camp, around 400 campers. Our closest neighbor was an all boys sports camp with a similar size and every year there was a basketball game between the male counselors from our camp and the male counselors from their camp. It was always a well attended event but as you might expect, the Lutheran camp did not usually fare well against the sports camp.

So the first year I worked there I attended the game, mostly to cheer for my roommate who was playing for our team. His name was Rob, and he was about 6'5 and played basketball at his college. Long story short, we came back from a double digit deficit and beat them... An incredible triumph for Lutherans everywhere.

So we're back at the camp after the game, and Rob and I are standing along the main road chatting with the camp director, who also happens to be a Pastor. As we're chatting a car full of counselors from the boys sports camp pulls over next to us and they roll down the windows and start yelling some unsavory things at Rob, who had really dominated in the game. They're in the midst of swearing and yelling about us being a bunch of Christian a-holes when the pastor absolutely bellows at them

"WE HAVE GIRLS HERE, GO HOME TO THE HAND!"

The guys in the car looked stunned for a second, then took off.

[stuartj]

There was a waiter at a very good steak place -steak only- I used to frequent, had a real acid tongue, he'd been there a million years. I heard him dealing with a (token) women on the next table once. Her - "But Im vegetarian! What can you get me?" Waiter " A cab, madam."

[dentist90]

Comeback when shot down asking a girl out:
Guy: Would you allow me to buy you a drink?
Girl: Not if you were the last man on earth... get lost loser!
Guy: Just as well. I was planning on taking you home and f#cking your brains out, but I see someone has beaten me to it!

[jeffgrant]

Bill Hicks had the best I've heard: "You should have been a blow job."

[Cdnone1]

A long time ago
Friend of mine too girl in a bar
Friend "Would you like to dance?"
Girl (turns up nose in snotty tone) " No thank you"
Friend " Don't thank me, you should be thanking God someone asked you"

Still remember her reaction

Steve

[Bill Douglas]

Guy: What's your phone number?

Girl: It's in the phone book.

Guy: But I don't know your name...

Girl: Don't worry, it's in the book too.

[sc_rufctr]

Years ago a guy who was dating my sister found out I often went "Commando". (I'm ex Army)

He said; "But don't you get skid marks on your jeans???"
I said; "Never"
He said; "Why not?"
I said; "Because I wipe my asse".

Incidentally... Marilyn Monroe was one of the best come back artists of all time.
Apparently she was very quick witted and clever.

Once the word got out, no reporter ever messed with her.

[dewolf]

Friend said to me once..."jesuuss h christ did you fart ya bastard?" to which my reply was..."nah dude..that's your breath blowing back in your face".

[IROC]

True story from one of my old managers. He and his wife were bantering back and forth and he said:

"Once you go black, you never go back"

...and she replied:

"I did"

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by IROC

True story from one of my old managers. He and his wife were bantering back and forth and he said:

"Once you go black, you never go back"

...and she replied:

"I did"

Ouch! ... hahaha...