Today Chuck Norris is 71...post a joke
 

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun!

Chuck Norris counted to Infinity .. Twice ...

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

When Chuck does his morning push ups, he's actually pushing the earth away.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody

If you are Chuck Norris, everyday is your birthday.

When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean, he doesn't get wet, but the ocean gets chuck norrised.

Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs.

Chuck Norris can kill two rocks with one bird.

My all time favorite:

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may have only seconds to live.

Chuck Norris has you surrounded.

Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a statue. He won.

Chuck Norris is so bad ass he went into Mcdonalds and ordered a whopper.......AND GOT IT .....

Charlie Sheen is only winning because Chuck Norris isn't playing...and you can take that to the bank.#fact

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Here's a pic of Chuck Norris celebrating his 70th birthday.






Edited - pic removed. -Z-man.

Chuck Norris celebrated his 71st birthday in the Virgin Islands now they are just called the Islands...

well I did search and.....

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1299792441.jpg

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

They named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris invented the color black. Actually he invented the entire spectrum except for pink, which was invented by Tom Cruise.

There are no Chuck Norris jokes. Sure, a few have been spoken, but no one has ever lived to repeat them...

If Chuck Norris was a planet he would be the universe...

Chuck Norrise likes to snack on Rail Road Spikes...he craps them out as carpet tacks. Thats how they came about.

The first Middle Eastern country that Chuck Norris visted was Iran, it wasn't called that when he went but that's what it was called when he left...

Ghosts are white because they saw Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris can scamble eggs just by looking at them - they shake themselves silly....

Chuck Norris doesn't need a wrist watch...time revolves around him.

The polar ice caps are disappearing...because Chuck Norris likes his soda on the the rocks.

My fav:

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, that implies a possibility of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door,

In the beginning there was nothing. Chuck Norris round-house kicked it and said "get a job"! and that's how the universe was invented.

Chuck Norris invented the theory of relativity.
When Einstein tried to steal it, Chuck Norris round-house kicked him and turned him into Steven Hawking.

The boogy-man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling corn to lay the F down.

Chuck Norris challenged Lance Armstrong to a "who has the most balls" contest. Chuck Norris won by five.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Theres a new energy drink made from Chuck Norris' urine - Red Bull!

Lightening doesn't strike Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris strikes lightening.

When a zombie bites Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch, he decides what time it is.

On most guys, one testicle is larger than the other.
On Chuck Norris, both are larger than the other.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.