tabs gets a phone call
 

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Tabs? This is Ernesto, the
caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Tabs, that your parrot, he
is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he
die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Tabs."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Tabs."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Tabs, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught
on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of
a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Tabs."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Tabs."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Tabs". She showed up very late one night and I
thought.
she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom Wenig Exibition Grade Stock.

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you scratched that spoon, you're in deep shnitz."

Spoon.:D