I know friends that have married in to wealthy families see some pretty bazaar behavior when it comes to money.

From what I have seen, if you are going to marry for money, your probably going to end up earning every penny of it!

I grew up middle class. I spent a good amount of time with the classes above me.

My 4 sons have been told NOT to expect to be wealthy when Joanna and I have stopped consuming oxygen.

I've seen the damage that good money can do. ( yes, they will not go with out but they will not live with-out working.

Here's a twist on this. My family, including close and inlaws are all comfortable home owners and have earned everything that they own. ALL of us own a home that is greater than average, all of us have a fair retirement etc. One year at a family get together I brought up the fact that none of us are OMG wealthy in our eyes and that of the world, but the SUM of all of our wealth is impressive in hole.

We could join together and buy appartment buildings or other realestate as a group.

NO ONE was willing to even listen!


Oh well.

Poster a High School coach had:

"Never marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper"

I like the idea of a matching trust- After death, whatever income the children earn is matched- Earn 100,000, get another 100,000. Work at a fast food joint and earn 10,000, you only get another 10k.

One sibling far out-earns another? We'll just call that "motovation" and let the money run out when it runs out. didn't earn much? Too bad....

This, of course, would be after any college expenses, for four years max, unless going for advanced degrees that have true marketable value.

No way would I want a kid sluffing through several years of college because their expenses are paid as long as they're in school. Not gonna happen.

The original post wasn't neccesarily about estate planning, but helping family.

If I could truly help, meaning a little push here means great things in the future, yeah, I'd do what I can. Sometimes, life throws a sucker punch, and one needs a break.

I would not simply give money to one that is lazy, or lacks a clear plan for their future, or has just buried themselves in debt by being a poor manager of their money.

My trust instructs the trustee to distribute it's value to specific people upon my croakitude. The trust put the comfort of my parents ahead of all else, but that is a moot issue at this point. I am the proud member of a set of siblings who have worked hard and done well for themselves and we are all fiercely proud of our independence. I think we would consider it a nice gesture, but totally unnecessary, to give money to each other.

We have no children, 1 niece 1 nephew. Right now our estate will be dived equally between the 2. My nephew is in a dead end job and has very little ambition, his sister is just the opposite. I think we should make some changes but my wife won't hear of it. I'll probability die before my wife so I guess it will be her decision. I want to help family but I think my nephew would just piss the money away. Nothing is easy.

Bernie P

Too bad people don't set up funds for bringing WORK and JOBS back to America!

There are quite a number of kids who don't really know me, or remmember me, but are getting 100k and some 200k to help with their education. And they can spend it as they wish, but I ask that it goes on school/uni fees and expenses. Then money to the cats protection league and money or a house to the Women's refuge. I don't have kids so I can decide what I want done with it.

One of the things that impressed me most in the more than 20 years I spent in Asia was the way that Asian families thought collectively about the well being of the extended family. If a brother or uncle was in trouble of course you would help them out. They were family.

I knew of struggling families that always owned at least one mercedes and one rolex watch, so that if one son had an important business dinner, he would get the car and watch for the evening in order to preserve face.

If a branch of a family suffered a catastrophic misfortune such as the loss of the breadwinner, it was invariably carried by the remaining branches.

Equally, if an investment opportunity arose you had access to an immediate pool of capital in the extended family.

I tried to foster this kind of collective thinking in my extended family over the years, and have had some modest success. Blood is thicker than water in the end. Sometimes we only learn this far too late.