Cool adoption story... My next-door neighbors!

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

It's a lengthy read, but it's well worth it.

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

I'll probably meet Staci this weekend. This is really an amazing story and really reinforces my belief that adoption is one of the greatest things you can do!

Rot 911 · 03-09-2012, 04:47 AM

That is a cool story. We got our daughter Kyah when she was 2 1/2. Thought we would only have her for a few months (we were foster parents). She will be 12 this June.

jhynesrockmtn · 03-09-2012, 05:26 AM

I'm adopted and have been through this. Found my bio mom and two siblings. Glad this turned out great. It could have gone terribly wrong with how she pursued this. I'm a fan of trained 3rd party intermediary's who can verify identities and intent before contact. Good for her though and an amazing story.

Joeaksa · 03-09-2012, 05:37 AM

Good on you Kurt!

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

Understood! You folks who adopt are very, very special and I salute you! This story turned out in the best possible way, but I can see where it could have been ugly. Our neighbors are great people and this is further proof of that to me.

85eurocarrera · 85eurocarrera's Garage

Reassuring to read that she views her adoptive parents as her parents. We are in an open adoption in which we have contact with both birth parents. our daughter has been with us since birth..now she is almost 7. Our conversations with her are getting deeper.__
Amazing how much they can understand and the questions they ask.

T77911S · 06:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotaBRG

Cool story. I have mixed feeling as I also adopted through foster care. The day my daughter wants to know her birth parents is going to be tough on me. There were very good reasons why she was in foster care, and good reasons why her birth parents 'parental rights' were terminated and we had the chance to adopt her. I know people can change, but her birth parents are not people I want her having a relationship with if you know what I mean.

you have to put yourself in their shoes.
we too are adopting, here is the good and the bad of it:
we lost our daughter (to be) this weekend

i feel that if you raise kids the right way, even though they may want to see their birth parents, they will see why they were taken and in the end it may close some doors for them that otherwise could leave questions and doubts in their lives.

we are already seeing this in the boy that spent the first 12 years with his mother, and we have had him for about a year and a half now.
what is so bad about this situation is that he was never abused or neglected so he has really had no real "trauma" in his other than the stupid over emotional drama that his mother has created.
such as:
the mother killed her first daughter in a car wreck while drinking. all this happened BEFORE the boy was even born. but she has dwelled on it so much that the boy plays into the drama of it (i dont think he knows she was drunk when she killed her), when we first got him one of the terrible things that he says has happened to HIM was losing his sister.

dont sweat it if she needs to know her birth mom. it may be something that she has to have closier on. also, i assume you got her when she was very young, so she will know you as her real parents.

oh, one thing that has surprised me. i asked my wife if she thought aaron was going to keep his last name, which i assumed he would, or is he going to change it to ours. she told me has already decided to change it to ours. he wants to get away from the reputation of his last name.

scottmandue · 03-09-2012, 06:50 AM

After the Korean war a veteran set up a program for Americans to adopt unwanted children.

My wife was one of those children.

Thank you!

PS, she looks full Korean but was raised in rural Oregon, so she is a country girl!

Laneco · 03-09-2012, 06:54 AM

Have to tell you, Art, I read that story with tears pouring down my face.

Hope everything works out well for all the parties.

angela

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

Angela,
So far, so good! Everyone is taking things "slowly" to give people a chance to let this sink in....really exceptional people, all of them!!

T77911S · 03-09-2012, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotaBRG

I remember reading your story, and am very sorry for the way that turned out.

Our daughter first came to us when she was one and she'll turn 4 in a few days. I don't know what she'd do if she saw her bio parents today, but she wouldn't think of them as mom and dad.

no she wouldnt. we try to see one of our past kids that we really wanted to adopt. she does not know us from adam. we are just someone that her now mom takes her to see.
talk to some older people that have been adopted. you might feel they can give you a better perspective on their real parents than what you feel you will get from your daughter when she is older, IE, they wont hold back in fear of hurting your feelings. i think you will find there is not as much to worry about as you think.

with the boy we have, he is going to want to see his mother, since she lives close by. we will probably let him as long as his mother is positive during the visit. for now, he is still made at her and does not talk about her.

rsNINESOOPER · 03-09-2012, 09:54 AM

I am nearly 40 and on the precipice of picking up a phone or getting on a plane and agonize over what to do and how to do it. I have thought about finding my biological mother for a long time but only recently gathered the needed information in order to make contact. Two months ago my wife found her on facebook Now that I know what she looks like, where she lives, what her hobbies are, what her sisters look like, her address, and phone number I am really torn on how to proceed. All the info is backed up by a friend who is a private investigator so I know it's her. I don't even have a name for my father so I would have to go through her to get it.

The story posted at the beginning of the thread is amazing in the way this woman's journey unfolded and how she connected with her biological mom. Amazing. I am glad it turned out well. I have a very close friend who was in her mid twenties when her older sister surfaced after having been abused by the family that had adopted her. She had been living on the street and in shelters for nearly two years while strung out and being involved in prostitution. Needless to say it was a very traumatic experience for the family to go through since no one knew she existed except for my friends mother. When I met the unknown sister and heard her story i cried like a baby because it got to me in a way I can't quite understand. The mother was devastated and it turned the family upside down because of the secret and how it surfaced.

It's hard to wrap your head around the possible ramifications of opening the Pandoras box of finding a person that brought you into this world but you have never met. Especially when they have gone on to have a family of people you are related to by blood but also never known. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't look at my daughter who is 9 months old and feel totally blown away that she is the first person I have ever met that not only looks just like me but is of a blood relation. It simply blows my mind and makes me feel a deeper connection.

jhynesrockmtn · 03-09-2012, 02:21 PM

rsNINESNOOPER - As I mentioned in my post I went through this almost 20 years ago. I'm close to 49 now. My story turned out great and I gained a bio mom and younger brother and sister. PM me if you'd like any info or support.

I mentioned the 3rd party intermediary because that's the process I used. Actually had to in WA state at the time. The nice thing is it was a person trained in the contact process. I've heard dozens if not hundreds of these stories in person from all folks involved during the almost 2 years I searched. I attended a monthly support group of adoptees, birthparents and adoptive parents of younger kids wanting information. Things can go wrong in the contact process. You may find out things that are hard to hear. Just be prepared for anything to happen and maybe consider having your PI friend make the first contact with your biomom.

I'm glad my BioMom was contacted first. She was thrilled but had never told my younger brother who was 16 at the time.

BTW, my adoptive parents are that. My parents, always will be. They raised me, taught me right from wrong, made me the person I am today. But, there is a strong pull to know your birth story. I understand it now even if I can't articulate it well.

Seahawk · 03-09-2012, 03:44 PM

I read your post five or six times and found more admiration with each reading.

YOU have a family, young man. They are fortunate to have you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rsNINESOOPER

I am nearly 40 and on the precipice of picking up a phone or getting on a plane and agonize over what to do and how to do it. I have thought about finding my biological mother for a long time but only recently gathered the needed information in order to make contact. Two months ago my wife found her on facebook Now that I know what she looks like, where she lives, what her hobbies are, what her sisters look like, her address, and phone number I am really torn on how to proceed. All the info is backed up by a friend who is a private investigator so I know it's her. I don't even have a name for my father so I would have to go through her to get it.

The story posted at the beginning of the thread is amazing in the way this woman's journey unfolded and how she connected with her biological mom. Amazing. I am glad it turned out well. I have a very close friend who was in her mid twenties when her older sister surfaced after having been abused by the family that had adopted her. She had been living on the street and in shelters for nearly two years while strung out and being involved in prostitution. Needless to say it was a very traumatic experience for the family to go through since no one knew she existed except for my friends mother. When I met the unknown sister and heard her story i cried like a baby because it got to me in a way I can't quite understand. The mother was devastated and it turned the family upside down because of the secret and how it surfaced.

It's hard to wrap your head around the possible ramifications of opening the Pandoras box of finding a person that brought you into this world but you have never met. Especially when they have gone on to have a family of people you are related to by blood but also never known. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't look at my daughter who is 9 months old and feel totally blown away that she is the first person I have ever met that not only looks just like me but is of a blood relation. It simply blows my mind and makes me feel a deeper connection.

rsNINESOOPER · 03-09-2012, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

rsNINESNOOPER - As I mentioned in my post I went through this almost 20 years ago. I'm close to 49 now. My story turned out great and I gained a bio mom and younger brother and sister. PM me if you'd like any info or support.

I mentioned the 3rd party intermediary because that's the process I used. Actually had to in WA state at the time. The nice thing is it was a person trained in the contact process. I've heard dozens if not hundreds of these stories in person from all folks involved during the almost 2 years I searched. I attended a monthly support group of adoptees, birthparents and adoptive parents of younger kids wanting information. Things can go wrong in the contact process. You may find out things that are hard to hear. Just be prepared for anything to happen and maybe consider having your PI friend make the first contact with your biomom.

I'm glad my BioMom was contacted first. She was thrilled but had never told my younger brother who was 16 at the time.

BTW, my adoptive parents are that. My parents, always will be. They raised me, taught me right from wrong, made me the person I am today. But, there is a strong pull to know your birth story. I understand it now even if I can't articulate it well.

This all good information which I will consider and fold into my process.
I appreciate and may take you up on the offer of info/support.

Thanks for putting it out there

rsNINESOOPER · 03-09-2012, 10:40 PM

Thanks for the nice words Sehawk-
You are absolutely correct but most of all "I" am lucky to have my family.

I just wish I joined the "dad club" about ten years ago so my dad could have met my daughter.

This reminded me that I forgot to mention in my first post that I truly lucked out with my adoptive parents and don't think of them as anything other than my true parents.

rsNINESOOPER · 03-09-2012, 10:49 PM

Rot911 and notaBRG-

You guys are awesome for going the way of adoption, those are lucky kids who won't doubt for a minute who you are to them. #1. Especially when you can hang on the docks with your daughter and do some fishing.

rsNINESOOPER · 03-09-2012, 10:51 PM

azasadny- oops, forgot to thank you for posting this.