Barstool Entertainment

Superman · 04-13-2012, 04:20 PM

I just read a couple of excellent short stories on this forum, so I thought I'd share one. Perhaps open a new topic, if any of you have spent enough time on barstools to see some cool stuff.

It was closing time at a local meet market. Nice place. The place had two or three floor levels. I was sitting at the bar on the highest level. The bartender was standing on a floor a foot or two lower. He was also short. And stocky.

Behind me was the dance floor, also a foot or two lower, which was lined with booths. A couple of guys were in a booth there, talking to the barmaid. The place was deserted except for the cast I have just described.

The barmaid was a really nice blonde lady. Tall. LONG legs. Well-endowed, if you know what I mean. She happened to be the bartender's wife.

I noticed the bartender had stopped listening to my riveting monologue. All of a sudden the bartender climbs and summits the bar, stomps down to the booth and (I'm not kidding here) grabs a guy by the shirt collar and the rear of his belt and SPRINTS, carrying this guy, toward the door. The guy is trying to touch the ground with his feet. The bartender opens two sets of double-doors with this guy's head and pitches him into the parking lot.

It was just like a dang cartoon. I guess he must have said something inappropriate to the barmaid.

Superman · 04-13-2012, 07:43 PM

Okaaaay.....I'll open this up to include things you've seen from a stage. Let's hear from our musician friends.

I played bass at a bar that served shots on fire, and the patrons would drink it while it's burning. Not that big of a deal, except there was this chick who thought it'd be a good idea to throw the shot into her mouth. Well, that put burning 151 on her and the bar. Nobody was seriously injured but it was pretty dark, so I could see the whole thing unfold while playing bass.

Superman · 04-13-2012, 09:26 PM

Alright well....I can see you guys haven't spent enough time in taverns. Or maybe the guys who go to bars are.....busy right now.

Bill Douglas · 04-13-2012, 09:57 PM

This isn't an eleborate way of starting one of those "A horse walks into a bar" type jokes that ends with insensitive jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker is it?

Because I hope so.

On on my 3rd glass.

Bill Douglas · 04-13-2012, 10:00 PM

How did a short arse get to marry a blonde with long legs?

oldE · 04-14-2012, 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

How did a short arse get to marry a blonde with long legs?

Somebody put him up to it.

Les

targa911S · 04-14-2012, 04:21 AM

from the stage I have seen a guy get knifed in the gut, multiple people having seizures (we though they were doin the gator) and so many breasts ya stop lookin at em. Then there is projectile vomiting, tons of fist fights, and throw in some oral sex and yeah I've seen it all you could say. Oh a heart attack victim too. Oh and heat stroke too, lots of that.

targa911S · 04-14-2012, 04:23 AM

Les, are you and Bill working together?

s_morrison57 · 04-14-2012, 04:51 AM

A buddy and I are sitting in this bar having a couple of drinks and 2 baseball teams came in and ordered trays of draft beer, 50 - 80 glasses, probably not that much but the 5-6 tables they were at were full, we were at the next table. A beer fight broke out and in about 30 seconds all the beer had been thrown, they were soaked, kicked out and laughing about it, we were soaked too and got free drinks till we left, we stayed awhile.
Finn

pavulon · 04-14-2012, 06:29 AM

Saw a guy's face get SEVERELY lacerated after he bumped into another guy carrying a pitcher of really cheap beer spilling a couple ounces. That glass pitcher immediately turned into a weapon that left a remarkable full-length, deep, top to bottom scar. I saw the guy a few years after college and new exactly who he was. Senseless.

Superman · 04-14-2012, 07:50 AM

I was hoping for funny stories, not sad ones.

craigster59 · craigster59's Garage

It wasn't in a bar, but a beer tent in Munich at Oktoberfest. And it wasn't a stool, but a bench and I met this German girl and we were knocking back litres and having a grand old time.
It gradually became more crowded and she was sitting on my lap and we were making out and I thought she was getting all warm and moist. Actually she was pissing all over my leg, probably a good 2 litres worth. Good times, good times...

s_morrison57 · 04-14-2012, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by craigster59

It wasn't in a bar, but a beer tent in Munich at Oktoberfest. And it wasn't a stool, but a bench and I met this German girl and we were knocking back litres and having a grand old time.
It gradually became more crowded and she was sitting on my lap and we were making out and I thought she was getting all warm and moist. Actually she was pissing all over my leg, probably a good 2 litres worth. Good times, good times...

Jeez, I miss out on all the fun.

Question is : did she know she was letting go?
Finn

targa911S · 04-14-2012, 10:05 AM

alcohol is such a wonderful drug.....

Superman · 04-14-2012, 10:17 AM

Yup, everybody thinks it would be cool to be a bartender. I'd probably wind up slapping somebody.

targa911S · 04-14-2012, 10:22 AM

I quit drinking 25 years ago. Playing in bars constantly reaffirms my decision.

LakeCleElum · 04-14-2012, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_morrison57

A buddy and I are sitting in this bar having a couple of drinks and 2 baseball teams came in and ordered trays of draft beer, 50 - 80 glasses, probably not that much but the 5-6 tables they were at were full, we were at the next table. A beer fight broke out and in about 30 seconds all the beer had been thrown, they were soaked, kicked out and laughing about it, we were soaked too and got free drinks till we left, we stayed awhile.
Finn

Good story, probably lucky it wasn't the Hockey team, eh?

svandamme · svandamme's Garage

i've been tossed through a plate glass window once, while i was sitting at a bar, but i didn't really see it happen..
It was one of those "snotnoze entered the wrong kind of biker gang bar and sat at the wrong barstool or something"...

s_morrison57 · 04-14-2012, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LakeCleElum

Good story, probably lucky it wasn't the Hockey team, eh?

Ya no kiddin

sammyg2 · 04-14-2012, 02:42 PM

I was sitting at a bar once and a piece of string bounced into the bar and up on a stool and ordered a beer. the barkeep said we don't serve alcohol to pieces of string and ordered it out of the bar and told it not to come back.

A few minutes later the string got an idea and asked a young lady walking down the street to do it a favor.
"Please pick me up and tie a big knot in one end of me" so she did. Then he asked "please take the short end and fray it out real good" so she did.
The string thanked her and bounced back into the bar, up on the same stool and ordered a beer.
the barkeep gave it a dark scowl and said "hey, aren't you that same piece of string I just kicked out of here?"
The string laughed and said, ...................... "I'm a frayed knot!"

Ba da bump. Sorry.