need PPOT litmus test...sympathy card for major tragic death.
 

coworker going thru hell.

not particularly close to the guy. but his son went berzerk, killed mom, then himself. he found his family when he went home.

one supervisor is sending around a sympathy card. in the package, he printed a newspaper ad of the the tragedy. wtf?

my gut tells me this is "too big", and any card we all sign (sorry for you loss, condolences) will seem hollow.

i think let the family have some major quiet time. he didnt tell us about it, we heard on the news. i say we respect his privacy.

opinions?

Our condolences that your son killed your wife and himself?

I wouldn't.

The flip side of that coin is that everyone will be awkward for not acknowledging the event. Personally I would sign the condolence card but ensure the supervisor delivers the card to the guy in a private & respectful setting.

This guy should be taking an extended leave of absence IMO.

I think just a nice floral arrangement at the funeral would do. No card, no individual condolences, just letting him know you all care.

time heals wounds, cards and flowers don't.



Keep him busy outside of work. Go Fishing, Go to ball games. Call occassionaly, but not too much, going through that right now with my Moms brain cancer and the phone rings off the hook 6-9 PM every night............it really does tire them out........


Maybe once the dust settles, suggest a 1-2 week trip to Hawaii...........staring at a sunset under a palm tree is my happy place in life.

in the package, he printed a newspaper ad of the the tragedy

Is that to be presented with the card? Oye!

Years ago, our admin asst was passing around a sympathy card for an employee who had miscarried.

He INCLUDED A NEWSPAPER CLIPPING OF THE EVENT with the card.



Cmon, man. You gotta be kidding.

Gotta believe the clipping was there for information only and not to be included with the card.

Yeah...but still.

perhaps this twit would like to include some forensic photo's...
what ever you do..don't put your name on that card..

leave him be for now...
when you see him..
a simple truly sorry will go along way...

Rika

I'm with the "No" side with the card. I'd just let the poor guy be. I'm sure he knows he has everyones condolences.

Way beyond a card. I agree with Craigster, a floral arrangement at the funeral would be more subtle and respectful. The last thing this guy needs is a tacky $3 card to remind him of the hell that his life has become. Let's be honest here - no card, no flowers, no trinkets are going to make him feel even 0.0000001% better about this.

Cards and flowers are things that Hallmark and FTD have told us we need to do for someone in pain.

Make a sign up sheet and take him dinner a couple of times/week for the next month or two.

The group sympathy card, thing - don't do it... It feels wrong to you for a reason.

angela

+1 this, and what Rusty Heap said.

If you really care, your support and time is infinitely more sincere, valuable - and actually useful - than a card.

Many continuous small validations and showings of support, is better than a single one.

Trust you gut Vash. About 25 years ago a co-worker of mine (who also played on my volleyball team - we were pretty good friends) went home one Sunday after working to discover her 14 year old son had done the unthinkable with a shotgun (single mom). I'd met the kid a few times (playing v-ball with us), and nobody had a clue. I did attend the funeral...sometimes life just sux.

Tough call. I like the solidarity of the group card as long as everyone is from the same group. You can do individual respects as you see fit. But I can see the point others are making. This ins't some birthday card.

What might be worse is not being able to decide and doing nothing.

Give him a big hug next time you see him and offer to take him to do something g fun. Let him know you are there for him. Not a cheesy card...

Nice idea. And appropriate