Does your spouse/SO ever throw u under the bus?
 

This has been happening more frequently and has become a heated topic in the Vipergrün household.

Typical example;

12 year old son does something stupid, typical middle schooler.

I will correct him, guide him, or maybe even yell a bit.

The spouse will jump in and correct me, or even yell at me a bit for what I am doing or the way I am doing it.

Then my son will say "yeah dad, what mom said"

All of a sudden focus is shifted from whatever my son did, to what I did.

Dunno, I feel that any disagreements between parents should occur away from the kids. She doesnt have to agree, but why call me out in front of the kids?

Worst part is my spouse was a friggen psych major, so I get all the fun stuff thrown my way :--)

Did you tell her she should take it up with you in private? If not, you should. As a psych major, she certainly knows that she's undermining your authority with the kid. Sounds like she's wearin the pants my man.

Try using a little "humor" next time, and reply, in front of the child, "when I want your mother's opinion, I'll ask for it." Then glare at the child to see his reaction. Don't even acknowledge Mom.

You know what they say about phych majors.

Yes....and it's true! :cool:

Your wife could use some awareness therapy.
IMO. :)

That would happen once.

The young man would be excused to his room and his mother and I would re-baseline ourselves with parenting 101.

My wife and I have argued in front of our children, but never about or concerning them.

No offense, but she should know that.

This. It is very disrespectful for her to undermine you in front of your child.

Bad ju-ju. You need to have a talk.

I did this ONCE with my wife. As soon as the words exited my big mouth I knew I was in trouble. I didn't even try to make up with her until the next day.

We stand together in front of the kids on major issues. We may discuss the topic at a later timem however.

Yup, if my wife and I disagree, which is rarely, about the proper course of action we stop, tell the kids to sit tight, go to another room to talk it out then an only then do we go back and present a united front to the kids.

What your wife is doing is unacceptable, disrespectful, a power trip and plain old parenting failure.

You can tell her I said that.

I was serious. There are roles, and you should pick one. It's apparent she has.

I'll be honest. Yes, there are power struggles. But my balls were still attached as of this morning :-)

Whew!

This!
 

This^^^^^

Your wife is 100% wrong, and she's hurting your son by undermining you.

From another perspective, 12-16 year old's are stinkers. Independent thinking with zero experience to judge the consequences of their actions. This tends to piss Dad off more than Mom - from my experience.

Dad gets angry, Mom does not see a logical basis for the loss of temper and steps in to "protect" the child - Dad's feelings be damned.

Maybe it's not being thrown under the bus. Maybe she's just being a Mom. Not perfection, but she assessed the situation and took action.

The re-baselining suggestion sounds sensible. If you enter into the discussion with "Maybe I was too angry?" you will hear her side - you won't like it - but honest data is a good thing to ponder once you mentally recover from the perceived beat down.

This is exactly why married guys need to continue dating. Gotta have a backup mom on standby at all times! The sex is also better with the stand bys

Sounds like the little woman my have found a stand by, it happpened to me, they start that when they are hoping you will leave.

Time to trade her in, you can now get a 996TT for $25K.

This needs to be fixed next. My apologies if this sounds a little harsh, but it would appear there is a lack of respect and understanding of roles everyone plays in your family. You aren't parenting as a team, you aren't parenting with authority.