you know anyone DESPERATE to get married?

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

Funny this thread popped up. I have a friend like that. Pretty girl, smart, makes more money than any guy I know, active, has a lot of hobbies. Her only flaw? She believes guys are like the guys in chick flicks and REEKS of desperation to get married. If only she would chill, she would get her pick of guys. I watch shaking my head. Her goal every time we go out is to find a dude. I get tired of it so I can just imagine how a guy would feel. She just turned 40 this last year and it hit her quite hard because she thought she would be married with kids by now. It really is a shame. Like I said, she is totally the pick of the crop except for her neediness. Don't know how I can help her snap out of it.

Maybe that's just who she is and one day she'll meet the perfect guy for her although at 40 I wonder if something else is going on.
I've known people who talk about getting married but then sabotage ever decent relationship before it really starts.

[Skytrooper]

A guy desperate to get married ? Call me surprised ! It sounds like maybe mommy won't do the laundry anymore.

[jyl]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

She believes guys are like the guys in chick flicks

Aren't we?

[Gretch]

The needy "smell" is awful and travels on the wind for miles. It also effects the vocal chords and you can hear it in a person voice.........

pitiful........... and often toxic.

needy people suck to be around almost as badly as narcissists.

[cairns]

Knew an ugly redhead at work many years ago. that was all she ever talked about. It was hard to keep from saying "get over it, you have a face made for spinsterhood".

And the truth is there wern't enough whiskey in all of Tennessee.

Dam that's ugly.

[varmint]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

Her only flaw? She believes guys are like the guys in chick flicks .

i don't understand the reference. what are guys in chick flicks like?

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

Maybe that's just who she is and one day she'll meet the perfect guy for her although at 40 I wonder if something else is going on.
I've known people who talk about getting married but then sabotage ever decent relationship before it really starts.

I don't necessarily disagree with you. But you have to admit "that" guy is few and far between. I can understand how she feels but seriously, if the majority of your friends get tired of dealing with your constant talk of getting a guy and emotional outbursts, I couldn't imagine a guy not getting that vibe and running. I mean she cried at her 40th birthday party, a friends wedding, and gets weepy eyes talking about it with us. I actually feel really bad for her because I love her as my friend and hate to see her unhappy but her sadness over it is part of the problem. Men, or women for that matter, are not attracted to someone who is needy and not confident. Besides, I truly think people need to learn how to be happy on their own terms because that will only make them a better partner in the future. I went to MBA school with her. Male female ratio was awesome. Nobody wanted to date her even though they thought she was hot because she was a little needy. Maybe I need to fix her up with some of Vash's friends.

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by varmint

i don't understand the reference. what are guys in chick flicks like?

You know, all romantic and perfect. One time a group of us were talking about going to the bathroom in front of your spouse, farting, etc. and she was appalled. She said she would want to keep the "mystery". Seriously? When you are living with someone and married to them, this is the least of your issues. And then one gal was talking about her husband and something he did to annoy her and she said, " l love that man but sometimes I really hate him." Again, my friend was who shocked she said that. She said she didn't want that type of relationship with her future husband. That she would want them to be loving towards each other. We all kind of stared at her in disbelief. Really? Do you believe in unicorns too? She's never had a long term relationship with a guy in the 15 years I have known her. Longest has been 4 months. With him living in another state. I think sometimes she has unrealistic expectations of the opposite sex.

[manbridge 74]

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

[jyl]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

You know, all romantic and perfect.

Is that all, pffft.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by AFC-911

I can't decide what is sadder. The guys who are desperate to get married or the bitter divorced guys who are so jaded about marriage.

I hope I never end up in either camp....

Bingo!

[widebody911]

Two of the chicks I went out with over the years were really, really desperate to get married. How desperate? Well, they dated me... One of them really wanted a kid, too - I think it was due to competition issues with her sister who had two kids and was getting all of Mom's attention.

Both of them dumped me not long after they found out I wasn't that thrilled about getting married or having kids.

Anyhoo, bachelorette #1 found the man of her dreams, got married within a few months, and divorced just as quickly. Bacheorlette #2 went down a similar path, although I don't know a lot of the details; all I know she is single and has a kid now.

You know those scenes in the movies where the guy races across the railroad tracks, and the train narrowly misses him but creams the guy behind him? That's about how I feel.

[genrex]

This thread reminds me of a character from the old comic strip Tumbleweeds.

The Husband Hunters Handbook was Hildegard Hamhocker's guide to landing a husband... specifically the main character of the comic strip. She was quite proficient at throwing a rope around him. I'm pretty sure that comic strip parallels the lives of the young guys in this forum.

_

[Evans, Marv]

I had a realtionship with a lady years ago that really wanted to get married. I ended the relationship because I got tired of continually hearing how great & fantastic I was. Somehow it didn't seem all that sincere - of course. Felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders when we parted ways. She wasn't a super needy person, but I just didn't want to deal with whatever it was. She got married not long afterwards. I somehow wondered how great & fantastic the guy was.

[Gretch]

A man's "currency" in a relationship is, well............. currency, plus the ability to fix stuff and otherwise not be TOO much of an a-hole to live with.

A woman's "currency"............. Well, truth is, she is sitting on most of it and much of the rest of it is in her heart.

In the happy long term relationships I am aware of, neither party has failed to comprehend the importance of the "currency".


Thing is, in ANY relationship either can run out of currency, or out of shear stupidity, forget the value of said currency.

The message a screamingly needy person sends out is they are ONLY thinking about their own needs. "Currency" is BAIT!!!!!!! You won't catch fish because you want to........ you have to bait the critters! AND.. if you want em to keep coming back....... that bait better be regular and of sufficient quality and quantity.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?

[Drdogface]

Well said, gretch

[mreid]

In line with Gretch, there's an old saying that continually rings true:

Men marry women hoping they won't change, women marry men hoping they will.

This is the root of the problem.

[recycled sixtie]

Look at Larry King. Married 6(or 7?) times and still does not come across as being happy. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side (or the next marriage). I cannot imagine having child/children and being divorced. I consider myself happy and lucky that I am married twice but a child by my second wife only.

[varmint]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

You know, all romantic and perfect. One time a group of us were talking about going to the bathroom in front of your spouse, farting, etc. and she was appalled. She said she would want to keep the "mystery". Seriously? When you are living with someone and married to them, this is the least of your issues. And then one gal was talking about her husband and something he did to annoy her and she said, " l love that man but sometimes I really hate him." Again, my friend was who shocked she said that. She said she didn't want that type of relationship with her future husband. That she would want them to be loving towards each other. We all kind of stared at her in disbelief. Really? Do you believe in unicorns too? She's never had a long term relationship with a guy in the 15 years I have known her. Longest has been 4 months. With him living in another state. I think sometimes she has unrealistic expectations of the opposite sex.

there were several jane austen movies on simultaneously last night. from what i could gather the woman thought the man was a jackass, then the woman realized he lived in a palace, then they fell in love. it was never clear what he saw in her, other than that she was keira knightley.

and i think i am not alone in wishing for a woman who would keep a little of the mystery going. at least related to certain biological functions.

[vash]

Haha. Pride and Prejudice. I think gold digging was a sport back then.