Witnessed a Personal Implosion...Heart Wrenching

[M.D. Holloway]

My Son played in his 6th golf tourny yesterday. After 5 holes he was 4 over. Seemed like everything was in place. Then something happened. He tee'd up and seriously shanked it. He didn't get upset. He took a drop. Did the same again. Then again and again. That hole he got a 9. He walked over to me and asked what he was doing wrong. He was calm. It was a medalist round so I wasn't supposed to coach him. But it did.

''Your practice swing looks perfect but whe you hit your back swing is laborered - no pull. Your core rotation isn't enough and your opening up. Think of your basic elements and take your time."

I didn't help.
For the next 4 holes he did the same. Nothing was working. After 27 hard earned strokes it was obvious things were off. Badly. Very badly.

On the next tee he shanked it again. Looked at where it went. He was motionless. Bottom lip quivering, walked over to my and put his head on my shoulder and wept. It was the most horrible thing I have experienced in a long time. My heart broke. He has tried so hard all summer and every match he has shaved strokes off. He has worked so hard. Harder than I have ever seen a young man work at something. he wants it so darn bad. His game has improved so much this summer but today he had nothing. He was emotionally broken.

"Dad, I don't know what to do to fix this. I feel like walking off. I can't go on." He continued to sob.

The Tourny had Jr PGA officials - mostly college kids with with each group. Ours was a girl for Tx Tech. She witnessed this and got choked up as well as did I. I held him tight. I looked over at her and the other players. The other boys just put there heads down and she motioned to to me that it was OK - take our time.

I didn't say anything for a minute or 2 as I held my son. He had grown into a young man who wore a size 11 shoe and often would borrow my shorts or t-shirts and drive tractors and ATVs and hunt but right then he has a small boy broken. I to began to weep. I couldn't help it.

I took his face in my hands and said 'I don't know. I don't know what has happened or why. I do know what can happen. The next several holes can be just as bad. They very well will be. So that leaves you with this thought 'so what'. Your no longer in the medal round. Your score will be a blemish on your record but 'so what'. You and I know you have a perfect drive, a perfect fairway approach, a perfect chip ad a perfect putt in you. We have witnessed it often. It's not there today. It may come back but it may not. OK - Lets let it go"

He looked at me ad said 'it would be so easy to walk off right now.'

'Yup but I know you won't. I know you shall play this out and yup your gonna shank more, duff more and spill balls into the woods and the drink. But I know you better than anyone else and I know you won't quit.'

He played on. Yes he had many more horrible shots. The last two holes he finally saw the humor in it. On the t-box I said 'just rip it - swing as hard as you can'. He did and the drive was picture perfect. 250 yards and pin straight. His form has perfect. He looked back at me and smiled. His fair way approuch went about 200 as well. The hole was over 5 so he sat on the green in 3. He 3 putted so a bogie was considered an Ace at this point.

Last hole he walked over to me and hugged me and thanked me for not giving up on him. I told him I would never ever give up on him. His drive on the last hole was reasonable, fairway shot got him in chipping distance, chipped into the sand and took 2 out and 2 putted.

It was 100f yesterday and 100% humidity. The players are not allowed caddies or carts. He carrier his bag. We ended at 1:45. It was very uncomfortable all around.

During the implosion I finally got mad at God and said 'enough, punish me not him. He doesn't deserve it. He's worked so hard. Do what you want to me but leave him alone.' I'm not certain it mattered any. The pain I saw on his face will haunt me forever. Here is a kid who decided to give up football to try out for the HS golf team because it wasn't going to be handed to him. All kids make the football team. Only a few make the golf team. He practices everyday. He's committed beyond any kid his age. He is willing to listen and work. He has been to the camps and I even got him a private coach. Things were heading in a great direction till yesterday.

After the match we went home. He went for a swim then a nap. A few hours later he asked if I could take him to the club where he could work the range. I dropped him off at 4:30. I told him to call me when he wanted to get picked up. At 8:00 I called him. He was ready.

He was at the curb of the CC - asked what he worked on. He told me he went back to the basic back swing and rotation excersises and then his putts. For 3 hours. No drives. No irons. Boring stuff. Stuff that needed to be sorted out.

I know I need to let it go. A part of me is still at odds with God which is really stupid. I have always been able to fix things. Business models, devices, even disjointed ideas but yesterday I couldn't fix what went wrong. It broke my heart to see him get dismantled.

But he forged on. So I guess maybe he is learning to fix?

I'm still pissed at God though. I know, its stupid but I'm stupid....

[pavulon]

Life teaches lessons. Yesterday it taught a few and everyone there learned what a great dad looks like.

[KFC911]

Thanks for sharing "Doc"! Your "man son" will learn more from this than a perfect round would ever teach him...carry on

[Crowbob]

It is a difficult thing to watch a boy become a man.

It is a beautiful thing when he is one's son.

Thanks, Lubey.

[creaturecat]

god isn't listening. he hates golf.
your son is your responsibility.
get over it.
i mean that in a good way.
: )

[Laneco]

Originally Posted by M.D. Holloway

But he forged on. So I guess maybe he is learning to fix?

Mike, the "forged on" is the operative word here. We are throughout our lives given things that test us. How we handle them determines our character. Your son was tested yesterday, like a sword into a hot fire. He didn't quit, even when he felt like it, and he didn't quit afterward. His test made him stronger, like the forge makes stronger the metal placed into it that does not fail from its heat.

Mike, I know that was tough for you to see this. But be PROUD. The way your son finished up his day shows his strength. It shows the character of the man that he is becoming. Be honored by this test.

Also...be advised that there will be more such tests.

angela

[esample]

There's nothing harder than watching your child fail at something that means so much to them. Take comfort in knowing he'll get over it before you do.

Besides, everybody has a bad day on the golf course. It'll be ok.

-e.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by esample

There's nothing harder than watching your child fail at something that means so much to them.

Or means so much to the parent.

I watched my son melt down at a recital. Half way through the piece he fell apart. Mostly due to not enough preparation. Was hard to watch until I realized it was tough for my ego, but a perfect life lesson for him. I didn't need to say anything afterwards except be supportive and that there will be another day.

[cstreit]

Wow. If it means anything, I'm proud of him too. That took guts to finish it out even when he knew the result wouldn't be what he wanted no matter what happened.

That's a good man there and I bet you are too...

[Jim Richards]

"Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up" - some Chinese dude.

[Oh Haha]

You have to fail to succeed.


FWIW-I think you did what any parent would do. I would bet that you guys will talk about the day for years to come.

[esample]

Originally Posted by Oh Haha

You have to fail to succeed.


FWIW-I think you did what any parent would do.

I have witnessed some pretty bad behavior on the part of parents. I think MD is a gem of a dad. I know that's what you are saying too, though.


-e.

[Seahawk]

Perspective is a powerful thing.

[speeder]

That is a heart-wrenching story and I feel for him, (and you), but success teaches nothing and failure teaches a lot. Painful lessons, true, but I've had plenty.

Also, golf is just a cruel sport. Even the best players in the world occasionally have complete melt-downs in tournament play. Competitive sports in general can be so exhilarating or so pain inducing depending on how things are going that day.

Again, I'm sorry that you and he had to go through this but it can be a character building experience if he does not let it defeat him. Everyone has really bad days in life, now he's had one. You want to protect your kids from all bad experiences because you love them but it's impossible. May the rest of his summer be good days.

[rusnak]

Go make .....I dunno.....a molecule of water maybe?

When you can do that, you can say that you have a place getting mad at God over a golf game. Otherwise, you take your hits on the chin and don't whine about it like some precious little snowflake.

[DanielDudley]

Golf is a game that is influenced by the mind. Once we con no longer win, if we can make it a personal game, it works better. Can I make one good shot ? Can I play one good hole ? Can I enjoy this game, knowing that I am not going to win ?

Ultimately, can I find my equilibrium, and get my core emotions back to a place where I am again in focus ? If God has anything to do with this conversation, the question would be, am I willing to give it up to God, and humbly admit that I am not always going to be at my best, but that this doesn't really reflect who I am. Having satisfaction around one's ability is one thing, but getting one's total sense of self worth out of one's performance is not healthy.

You felt so bad for your son that you couldn't smile and say, ''It's only a game, try to enjoy the day.'' ? How about, ''Win or lose, I am proud of the man you are becoming.'' ?

Mentally falling apart is often the cause of poor performance, and not the symptom. God gave your son some tremendous gifts and abilities. But ultimately your son has to swing the club with focus and a clear mind. Perhaps God can then help, given an uninterrupted and open channel through which He might flow.

The body can learn the skill, and the mind can direct. Can the ego get out of the way, and let it happen ?

[Zeke]

@rusnak, you are really a piece of work. I'd love to be able to talk to some of your friends and family about you.

Or probably not.

On the goof deal, step back from the teed up ball one half the length of the foot or about 4". When you swing a driver you make a bigger arc than you plan on. I bet he can hit a drive 100 yds. with a 3 foot back swing. That is if he can connect. But when he takes that big tournament swing he's not even lined up.

Yet.

So, Mike, line him up back far enough that he wiffs a couple or toes one or two. Then move in on the ball little by little.

[Cdnone1]

I hope God might have been busy else where, like in the cancer unit at a childrens hospital or maybe helping the friends of ours who had to bury the body of their 22 year old daughter this week. I don't think God was on a golf course punishing your child.
If your son want to play professional sports and you want to help him you better get a little perspective on things.
No one likes to see there children fail at things but asking God to punish you and not him over a golf game is a little intense.

Steve

[Baz]

Why You Should Let Your Child Fail The Benefits of Natural Consequences



Natural Consequences – Why You Should Let Your Child Fail

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by M.D. Holloway

I know I need to let it go. A part of me is still at odds with God which is really stupid. I have always been able to fix things. Business models, devices, even disjointed ideas but yesterday I couldn't fix what went wrong. It broke my heart to see him get dismantled.

But he forged on. So I guess maybe he is learning to fix?

I'm still pissed at God though. I know, its stupid but I'm stupid....

This is all about your ego and has nothing to do your kid.