What's the best colloquialisms you've heard
 

Today I was in a meeting with a DOD agency and the green suiters (Army) and to say it was short on entertainment would be an understatement. One of the military guys I work with humiliated the other group during the meeting with the best colloquialism I’ve heard all year. He said “I’ve seen monkeys at the zoo in a $hit slinging contest that were better organized than what I’m seeing now!” I hate to see other people crash n'burn but in this case, my buddy spot-on. Other than being a witness to a massacre, have you heard, have you heard of any good quotes lately?

My old boss would refer to some sales guys as "all shot and no powder" quite a bit.

That girl is about as beautiful as Louis Armstrong's voice..

"went $hit and the hogs ate 'im"

Don't know what it means but I love it. I belive it comes from Indiana.

Well boy it looks like you're $hittin' in tall cotton.

Weird ones from co-workers (past and present):

"All hat and no cattle."

"Dumber than a box of skunks and only half as pretty."

"Are you using both hands?" (Indicating that the addressee couldn't find his butt with both hands.)

"We might have to consult with Larry to get some competent help." (Larry was the individual's dog.)

She's like AM radio - the later it is, the easier to pick up.

You couldn't be a night watchman in a day camp.

You're a good example of how a college education ruined a perfectly good blue collar worker.

You couldn't make it as a spell checker at the M&M factory.

Used this one today:

If the queen had balls, she'd be king.

Reminds me of this one I once heard: She couldn't spell '"cat" if you spotted her the "C" and the "A."

Couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery.

Doesn't know whether to $hit or wind his watch

You guys look like a bunch of monkeys copulating with a football

Your uniform looks like a bucket of smashed A-Holes

Some things I really miss about the Navy!

I'm busier than a one legged man in an a$$kicking contest.


He's about as useless as tits on a bull.

She couldn't make ice water from a mix with Julia Child helping her through the hard part

Finer than fuzz on a bubble.

When in college we would describe young ladies as "lights on in the attic but no one was home" or guys as " as few bricks shy of a full load".

Slipperier than cat $hit on linoleum.

This "blank" (meeting, project, etc.) is a Dumpster Fire.

In response to annoying "what if" questions: What if frogs had pockets? They'd carry guns and shoot snakes.

He was so dense, light bends around him

somewhere, a village is missing an idiot.

Sounds like a hound dog passing a peach pit

more useless than tits on a boar hog ( hunter s thompson)

:d:d:d great thread

A voice made for silent film and a face best suited to radio.

It's just a little piece down the road.

Nothing to see here.

Fishing without bait.

Slippery as snot on ......

He's just like a snipe hunt. (no substance, does not exist)

10 gallon hat on a half pint mind.

All bull, no horns. or All bark, no bite.

Ahh, what fine memories.

Best part of you ran down your mother's leg!
You should have been a blow job!

Of course I only heard these when shouted at others. :D