My Mother is upset with me

[stomachmonkey]

Was in FL a couple if weeks ago.

My daughter, mom and stepdad are sitting 4 feet away at the kitchen table.

Mom says to my daughter "I'll get you the Midol"

Step dad asks my mother "did you check if it was ok with her mother?"

My mom answers "she won't know"

So I wait for my daughter to leave the table, I walk over and tell my mom, this is not about the midol, it's fine, I know you love your grand daughter more than anything and would never do anything to harm her but if I can't trust that you will abide by our wishes I'm not leaving her here with you alone again.

Mom is pissed at me.

From her perspective she does not understand "my reaction about something so insignificant as an OTC pain killer"

She does not see that for me it was not about that but about the general attitude that she was going to do what she thought was right regardless of what my wife or I thought.

[sc_rufctr]

Sounds complicated but to help put this into context,

How old is your daughter?

[stomachmonkey]

Turns 14 in a few days.

Doesn't matter.

I was sitting 4 feet away.

Mom could have and should have asked me.

[stuartj]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Turns 14 in a few days.

Doesn't matter.

I was sitting 4 feet away.

Mom could have and should have asked me.

Among the immutable forces in the universe, there is gravity, the law of thermodynamics and the grandmother gene.

Im not sure about gravity.

[Gogar]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

She does not understand my reaction about something so insignificant as an OTC pain killer

Me neither.

Your mom offered to give your daughter an ibuprofen. Without asking you.


Is there some different situation that has happened before and you're just reacting based on the previous situation? Because I can't imagine you're actually freaked about an ibuprofen.

[HardDrive]

Could be worse friend. My sister and I don't really have a relationship with our mother.

She's mentally ill, and its getting worse. Absolutely refuses to seek treatment. Over the years she's asked us to lie for her, hold on to large sums of money for mysterious reasons, tried to get us involved in shady property deals. If you call her on anything, she'll end up screaming expletives in your face, or better yet, sending 3 page e-mails to everyone in her contact list claiming her children are drunken child abusers.

When we were kids, she avoided being home, and when she did come home, it was to tell us all how rotten we were, and rub her latest extra marital affair in her childrens face.

Mean, scary, dirtball.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by Gogar

Me neither.

Your mom offered to give your daughter an ibuprofen. Without asking you.


Is there some different situation that has happened before and you're just reacting based on the previous situation? Because I can't imagine you're actually freaked about an ibuprofen.

I'm not. To clear it up, she thinks it's about something as insignificant as an ibuprofen. It's not about that at all.

And yes, my mother is an absolute control freak, getting worse every day.

It's when my step dad asked her if her parents approved, she responded, "they won't know". Not, "I'll ask", which she could have done considering I was sitting 4 feet away.

Translation, if we discuss something and I disagree with their decision when it comes to their daughter I'm going to do what I damn well please because I know best.

Sorry, that does not fly with me, my kid, my responsibility. If you disagree with me then make your best argument to change my mind. If I don't change my mind I expect you to respect my wishes.

This was not about the ibuprofen.

[HardDrive]

I don't think you're over reacting. Its your house, your kid, your rules. Sorry mom, but your no longer the General.

[RANDY P]

Mom will be Mom. She figures she still knows what's best for you, therefore she has that authority.

Just humor her. She meant no harm.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by HardDrive

I don't think you're over reacting. Its your house, your kid, your rules. Sorry mom, but your no longer the General.

Yup.

Originally Posted by RANDY P

Mom will be Mom. She figures she still knows what's best for you, therefore she has that authority.

Just humor her. She meant no harm.

Negative. It is all about control, the powahh. Any parent knows to ask if giving medicine, any medicine, to someones child is appropriate, in advance.

There was a ten year stretch when my MIL never saw my children solo. Wasn't going to happen because she didn't get it. Not my problem.

[wdfifteen]

Ran this by the war department here and she and I agree. You were right in principle.
Of course there is more to this than an OTC pill. Your mother's response was a clear indication that she has no qualms about being deceptive with the girl's mom. The fact that you were there could mean she thought there was something conspiratorial going on between you, your daughter, and her vs the girl's mom. Good for you for putting a stop to that idea.
Stepdad clearly knew the right thing to do and he was there at the table.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

Mom will be Mom. She figures she still knows what's best for you, therefore she has that authority.

Just humor her. She meant no harm.

If I thought it was that simple I would have let it slide.

My brother and his wife just bought the house across the street and two doors down from mom.

House was a short sale but ticked all their boxes. Needs work so they are taking a month to gut and reno the place.

Brothers wife had been in Poland for a month so she was not there for the closing.

She got back on a Thursday and on Saturday wanted to go clean the place.

My mother thought that was an utter waste of time, she was of course correct, it was a waste of time. The next week they were going to have guys tearing off the roof, tearing out walls, gutting bathrooms etc...

Mom turned it into WW3 arguing with me, my step dad, and my brothers wife.

Lili was excited, she got the house she wanted, she wanted to clean, big f'n deal, it was her time to waste, let her waste it if she wants. She was not asking anyone else to do the work so who cares.

It was only an issue because my mother had a difference of opinion. A difference of opinion on a matter that did not involve her or require anything of her yet she could not let it go because she had to get her way, she had to be right.

It concerns me now when it comes to my daughter as I am feeling mom is no longer making choices and decisions in a rational manner.

[mreid]

Has nothing to do with the pill and everything to do with the attitude. That includes the attitude when called on her unacceptable behavior.

Can you trade her in for a non-defective model?

[Dantilla]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

My mom answers "she won't know"

It's not about OTC meds. It's about being deceptive. She has proven she is not to be trusted.

[Dantilla]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

....She got back on a Thursday and on Saturday wanted to go clean the place.

My mother thought that was an utter waste of time.....

She just bought a house, and is excited about it. Good for her.

My first 911 came from an insurance auction in pieces. I still hung out in the garage way too much dreaming of the possibilities.

For goodness sakes, let her hang out in her house, dreaming of the possibilities.

[Macroni]

Good luck w/ this.....Only way to change behavior is to limit exposure.
When Mom realizes you are avoiding her due to these offensive behaviors she will be left w/ a decision.

I am curious why did you find it necessary to get involved w/ WW3, your brother and sister in laws situation. Do you spend quite a bit of time at Mom's?

[Evans, Marv]

I have a feeling your mother wouldn't realize it necessary to change her behavior permanently if you limited her exposure to your daughter, because I think you are correct she isn't behaving rationally with regard to the situation. I would also wonder how her approach is to other decisions in her life.

[stomachmonkey]

Good luck w/ this.....Only way to change behavior is to limit exposure.

When Mom realizes you are avoiding her due to these offensive behaviors she will be left w/ a decision.



I am curious why did you find it necessary to get involved w/ WW3, your brother and sister in laws situation. Do you spend quite a bit of time at Mom's?

Because she was ranting about it and asked me my opinion

Can't help it if she didn't like it

[cashflyer]

What if it was a med the kid was allergic to, and the mom decided to give the kid the med without asking mom or dad?

[wayner]

Just keep repeating this in response to everything she says:

You: Mom, your teaching me that you can't be trusted. That's not what I want and I am don;t think that is what you want.

Mom: blah bvlah blah

You: mom, you know I love you but I also want to be able to trust you

Mom: blah bvlah blah

You: Mom, your teaching me that you can't be trusted. That's not what I want and I am don;t think that is what you want.

Mom: blah blah blah

You: Mom, you know that I love you right?

(rinse and repeat)